'The asparagus I had has made my pee stink'

The skinflint
Is Shane Warne short a bob or two?

"Just haggled over an ice cream, was fun.. Tight arse ? Hahaha"
@warne888

Those ice-cream vans, eh? It's just a licence to print money. It's great news that poverty-stricken Shane Warne is standing up for us all and arguing for a fair price for frozen dairy products.

The inspiration
Murali Kartik welcomes a role model to Twitter.

"Welcome my guru,mentor& one of the reasons I became a left armspinner.one of the greatest leftarm spinners @bishanbedi to twitterworld"
@kartikmurali

What were the other reasons for becoming a left-arm spinner? Being left-handed probably played a large part, I guess.

The Nine9 match
After rain affected the England v South Africa Twenty20 at Old Trafford, Steven Finn admitted to being quite taken with the shorter formats.

"How long till there are 10 over a side games. It used to work well for me on Brian Lara Cricket. I couldn't play without the cheats though"
@finnysteve

The batsmen in Brian Lara Cricket never did get to grips with the slower ball bouncer.

The lonely man
Will someone go round to Sulieman Benn's house and keep him company? He's started talking to himself.

"@suliebenn how did it go last weekend?"
@suliebenn

He didn't answer. We'll never know how it went last weekend and maybe he'll never know how it went last weekend either.

The wordplay
Iain O'Brien's angling for a job as a sub-editor.

"Cygnet-ture shot from Swann. #Ugly"
@iainobrien

Good work. Time to trade bat and ball for a pen. A "pen" is a female swan, by the way. Yeah, I know - O'Brien's was better…

The urine test
Matthew Hoggard felt moved to share some information with us.

"The asparagus I had for tea has made my pee stink"
@Hoggy602

Thanks, Matt, always a pleasure hearing about your life. Tell us more about what you've been eating and the impact it has had on urinary odour.

The threat to fruit
Tino Best is unimpressed by Andrew Flintoff taking up boxing.

"I would really like to get in the ring with soft azz @flintoff11.....mate u never burst a grape in a fruit fight #someoneknockhimoutfast"
@tinobest

The punctuation
It seems like Scott Styris is insinuating something with these inverted commas.

"Bye PNG! It's been fun. A lot of raw cricket talent up here. Enjoyed hanging with the other 'legends'. But it's time for some NZ now"
@scottbystyris

It's like when the boss is "working from home".

Tino Best's modesty corner
Tino has some unlikely advice.

"A slice of Humble pie is good for the soul each and everyday #GODISGOOD"

And he continues.

"Talent is GOD given be Humble ....FAME is man given be Grateful ...Conceit is self given be Careful .....#WordtotheWise"

Nobody serve him any humble pie. He's nowhere near as funny when he shows humility.

Nando's Watch
Albie Morkel's omitting crucial details.

"Nice to get onto the field today.. Great performance by the team.. Time now for the best chicken wings ever.."
@albiemorkel

Where?

Phil Jaques puts us straight.

"Nandos should definitely sponsor county cricket! We keep you afloat I'm sure.... #bodyweightchicken #jobdone"
@philjaques