'Every time I wash my car, the rain falls'

The Test victory
If you played for England, how would you have celebrated an historic Test win? Steven Finn gives us an unpleasant insight into a murky world.

"Top win today, great team effort. 90s boy band sing along in the dressing room afterwards was way over my head. #tooyoung on to Nagpur"
@finnysteve

According to Stuart Broad, it became even more hideous than that at one point.

"@finnysteve 5ive, Backstreet Boys and Nsync. Classics mate. Didnt expect Swann to know all the dance moves mind..."
@StuartBroad8

Bring back The Sprinkler.

The incident
What's Essex's Reece Topley getting up to in the close season?

"Just fell down the toilet. Lol"
@reece_topley

Doubtless you'll be after a bit of context to help you understand what on earth is going on here. There isn't any. That's all you're getting. Reece Topley fell down the toilet and then inexplicably felt the need to audibly laugh about it.

The surprising taste in sitcoms
Leeson very carefully. Russel Arnold shall say zis only once.

"Always enjoy watching the comedy "Allo Allo"...."
@RusselArnold69

The lap record
Stuart Broad's got his stopwatch out.

"I also witnessed a Mexican wave go round a 65,000 seater stadium in 5 seconds flat today. Must be a record, made me a bit dizzy!"
@StuartBroad8

The carwash
Kraigg Brathwaite controls the heavens.

"Its official!!...everytime I wash my car the rain falls!!"
@K_Brathwaite

Or is it that every time it rains, your car is washed? In other words, do you actually wash your car or just leave it outside in the hope that a rain shower gets the worst of the dirt off from time to time?

The innovation
Eoin Morgan has been impressed by the technological advancements on display in the Big Bash.

"Loving the lights on the stumps and bails at the BBL. Remind me of a pair of trainers I had as a kid."
@Eoin16

They say cricket's a conservative game, but we're already up to the 1980s footwear level of technology. That's only four steps below space travel.

The motivational words
Sreesanth says:

""Its Hard to beat a person who never Gives up.."Have a gr8 day .."
@sreesanth36

He's clearly never played badminton against my mate Terry. Utterly determined. Massively incompetent. You should qualify the phrase "It's hard to beat a person who never gives up" with "…provided they are possessed of a level of skill which allows them to compete with you in the first place."

The tentative opinion
Rodney Hogg has run his eye over Sri Lanka's quick bowlers.

"Sri Lanka have the worst new ball attack that has landed on our shores ever."
@RMHogg

Please don't pussyfoot around the subject, Rod.

The certainty
Who is that man?

"Good news! I've managed to confirm my identity. I AM Stuart MacGill. Thankyou @verified !"
@scgmacgill

According to Stuart MacGill, it's Stuart MacGill.

What's your philosophy?
Let's have a double helping of Shaun Pollock's words of wisdom this week.

"Be careful having an opinion in an area where you don't have a responsibility."
@7polly7

"We can have freedom from the torment of confusion, just by refusing the temptation to figure everything out. Just let certain things go!"

So basically try and avoid questioning things, thinking about stuff or ever having an opinion. Shaun seems to think this will help society flourish, and who are we to doubt him?

Smashwatch
Scott Styris has been feeding batsmen.

"Even after 150 games it's still a little nervy bowling your first ball when two batsman are looking 2 smash it. ;) #beamer #interestingstart"
@scottbstyris

Eh? What? Are you saying that "smash" doesn't mean "eat" in this particular instance? The modern world is an incredibly confusing place.