'Apparently I smell of wee'

Less-than-fragrant cricketers, and other oddities, in this week's Twitter round-up

Alex Bowden23-May-2013

Darren Bravo: incurable romantic WICB Media/Randy Brooks Photo

So many pressing questions are answered in this week's Twitter round-up. Which cricketer has strong feelings about aeroplanes, which cricketer smells of urine, and which cricketer hash-tags his own name no matter what he's writing about? (Hint: the last one's Tino Best).

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The winning feeling
Stuart Broad can think of only one thing better.

"Test match wins are great, but that feeling as you pull a soft, tasty heart out of a Haribo Starmix packet can't be beaten. #addicted"
@StuartBroad8

It's sports nutrition. Haribo Starmix is ideal for glycogen replacement.

The burning question
Comes from Chris Tremlett.

"Is black cod a bit overrated!?"
@ChrisTremlett33

A bit.

The romance
Darren Bravo appears to have news.

"A guy and a girl can be friends. But sooner or later one will fall for the other. Maybe too early, maybe too late, but maybe, maybe forever."
@DMBravo46

That's almost poetic. Have you got any more?

"Roses are red. I'm going to bed."

That first one might have been the high-water mark.

The attire
Craig Kieswetter has made a bold decision.

"And yes. I'm wearing orange trousers. They're cool... "
@kiesy_22

If you feel you have to state that explicitly, it almost certainly isn't true. Another good way of deducing whether your trousers are cool is by checking whether or not they are orange.

The scent
Has Kent's Rob Key lost sense of smell, self-respect or both?

"4 ur old s having a meltdown because apparently I smell of wee."
@robkey612

No explanation given.

The journalism training
Kemar Roach has some advice.

"Never Believe Rumors, Always Ask The Source! Ppl Spread Rumors For Attention!"
@KemarAJR

If it weren't for his love of upper-case letters, he could get a job as a sub-editor.

The flight preference
The man who we can now call "Scotland's Neil Carter" has strong feelings about flying.

"Always good to be back on the Boeing 777-300ER 3 class. @robtaylor1989 @MeerGoose11 #favoriteaircraft!"
@NeilMCarter

Always good… Always.

The hash tag
Tino Best is still hash-tagging his own name in pretty much every tweet. This is a particularly fine example.

"Loving my bathroom ceiling #downlighters #awesome #tinobest https://instagram.com/p/ZbQZs-Qr-a/"
@tinobest

The addition
Lonwabo Tsotsobe makes me feel like I'm missing the point here.

"As a child my family's menu consisted of 3 choices: take it or leave it!!!"
@LonwaboTsotsobe

But I'm not, am I? He's just bad at maths, isn't he?

The film review
From the fragrant Rob Key.

"I make the new total recall movie pretty ordinary."
@robkey612

The exclamation
It's everyone's least-favourite, most-pedantic segment. How's this for an unlikely exclamation?

"Register yourself onto the Royals website and stand a chance to win official Royals merchandise! https://bit.ly/Zxmox2 #RR"
@rajasthanroyals

Exclamation marks are not shorthand for "this is exciting". If website registration doesn't seem exciting enough with just a conventional full stop then maybe you have to accept that website registration simply isn't all that exciting.

Life with Kemar Roach
Just a warning, but this does get unexpectedly confrontational towards the end.

"Nothing Went Right Today!"
@KemarAJR

"Slept Too Early! Damn!"

"Tv Time!"

"A Hangover Must be One Of The Worst Feelings In Life!"

"Daily Chores"

"Why Consider Youself Alive When You Aspire To Be NOTHING!"

Easy, Tiger. What brought that on?

"Happiest Guy On Earth Right Now!"

And he's calm again.

What's your philosophy?
Will Shaun Pollock ever run out of trite little sayings?

"Friendship is not a big thing - it's a million little things."
@7polly7