'Watch my comments on the over rate tonight'

You might think that in all the high spirits and general bonhomie that come in the wake of an Ashes victory, we might get some good tweets from England cricketers. You'd be wrong. Turns out people only really use Twitter when they haven't got much going on in their lives.

The boom
Kevin Pietersen's tweet was fairly typical.

"That's right.. That's Ashes #4 ... #BOOOOOM"
@KP24

But I'd have to agree with Shaun Tait on this subject.

"Can people stop using #boom please."
@shaun_tait32

Trent Copeland has already adapted.

"Just the 100* off 62 balls for the big man @david_willey #baaaaaang"
@copes9

The candidate
At least one Aussie has been enjoying himself since the Ashes. Nathan Bracken's running for parliament.

"Had a great night at Wyong Chamber of Commerce. Good to hear what businesses really want not what we are told they want. #teamcentralcoast"
@NBRACKEN142

Woo! Party time!

The omission
It's important to have understanding team-mates like Tim Bresnan when you suffer the disappointment of missing out on England selection.

"Is @jbairstow21 driving a tractor up to trent bridge? Taking his sweet time. Hurry up lad the tykes need you."
@timbresnan

The offer you can't refuse
Damien Martyn's got a cracking sales pitch.

"Watch my comments on the over rate tonight at 7pm @cricketon5 very interesting"
@drmartyn30

Well, it is a highlights show.

The distance
Graeme Smith's been covering some ground.

"Been 4 months since I last ran,felt good to do it again today.another step closer to playing again."
@GraemeSmith49

A single step does not constitute a run, Graeme.

The nickname
Simon Doull picked up a slight faux pas on the part of a fellow commentator.

"Danny Morrison has just called Gerard Butler The Butt Miester at the toss in semi final of CPL. What next.?"
@SDoull

The fearlessness
Kraigg Brathwaite isn't afraid to confuse "to" with "too".

"The greatest mistake is too continually be afraid you will make one"
@K_Brathwaite

But what do you expect from a man with an extra "g" in his first name and an "i" missing from his surname.

The changing rooms
Graham Onions has an apology to make.

"If anyone's just witnessed my spindly legs in tesco car park I apologise,had to get changed somewhere"
@BunnyOnions

And that was the absolute best option, was it?

Life with Kemar Roach
Kemar has a message for us all.

"Always Follow Your Mind!"
@KemarAJR

But it seems that not everything gets through to it.

"Up Early This Morning Thinking About Life! Feels Like I'm Having An Epiphany!"

Surely that's something you'd definitely notice.

"So Apparently There Was A Tremor In Antigua And I Didn't Feel It!"

That too.

"Something's Up! My Spider Senses Are Tingling!"

Maybe it's an epiphany or an earthquake or the apocalypse or something.

What's your philosophy?
Shaun Pollock might be running dry. This isn't up to his usual standards.

"When you blow in a dogs face it gets upset but the 1st thing it does when it gets in the car is put it's head out the window for the wind???"
@7polly7

It's probably the difference between choosing to do something and having something inflicted upon you, Shaun. Come on, you can do better than this. Can't you give us something more like your usual stuff; something a little more, you know… trite.

"Sometimes FOCUS is what we need. Follow One Course Until Successful."

That's more like it.