The BCCI has issued a bizarre public statement, saying it hopes that the Indian team will exit at the semi-final stage in the upcoming World Cup in February.

"We're hoping for a strong performance in the group stages, followed by a resounding quarter-final win, and a heartbreaking loss in the semis. That would make a perfect World Cup for us - since the players would then get sufficient rest before the IPL," said board president Shashank Manohar to a group of reporters who reacted with utterly bemused expressions worthy of VVS Laxman on hitting the ball straight down square leg's throat after getting to a reasonably fluent 32.

Explaining further, Manohar, in a show of refreshing candour said, "You have to understand that the BCCI's mandate is to make money for cricket, not to win matches. Keeping this in mind, a semi-final exit would be ideal for us - giving the sponsors and the public just enough to be happy about, while keeping the players fresh for the IPL, which will take place just days after the World Cup, and makes a lot more money for the BCCI than the ICC flagship event."

"An actual World Cup victory would be disastrous in more ways than one - the resultant euphoria would seriously detract from the IPL, making it seem dull in comparison. We can't have stuff like that happening. Which is why we have launched a programme titled Vision 2010: Final Four - an intense training programme that will focus all our players' energies towards the single-point agenda of losing in the World Cup semi-final," said Manohar, unveiling a nice, fancy logo that cost more to design than the entire budget for the Ranji Trophy Plate league.

Apparently the BCCI has also retained the services of football coach Sven-Goran Eriksson as a consultant for the project. "Sven-Goran Eriksson's experience in leading overhyped tournament favourites to losses in the knockout stages of major tournaments will be of great assistance to the Indian team management. We are proud to have him on board for Vision 2010: Final Four," concluded Manohar.

Even as many former greats lament the decline of the Australian cricket team, current captain Ricky Ponting and chairman of selectors Andrew Hilditch have insisted that there's no cause for alarm.

"It's just a panic reaction - things aren't all that different now from how they were back during Steve Waugh's tenure. Back then we always boasted that Australia's bench strength was such that we could field two separate Test teams of equal quality, and I'm proud to say that this remains true. If I were to pick a completely second-string side led by, say Cameron White, I'm confident that their performance would have been no worse than that of Ricky and his boys in the Adelaide Test," said Hilditch. "We need to remain calm, like Kapil Dev looking at his mobile phone and realising that the incoming call is from Manoj Prabhakar," he joked.

"When it comes to being creamed by the Poms, even an Aussie side with 'fringe' players like White, James Hopes, Nathan Hauritz and Tim Paine would be just as effective as our first XI. And you've gotta say, Ricky's team did a rather fine job of being creamed, so standards remain high. With bench strength like this, I don't see what's the problem - Chappelli, Benaud and the others are getting their panties all in a twist for no reason at all," Hilditch added, furrowing his brow like J Srinath wondering why on earth the silly batsman had just hit his half-tracker for four.

Ponting also came to the support of Hilditch, insisting that the Australian team was as good as ever. "Nothing's changed, mate. Warnie's still the team's best player. And he's not a half-bad cricketer either," he winked. "Consider the facts - we still collapse in a heap to offspinners, I'm still the team's best batsman, and Shane Warne still has a much better chance of making the XI than Stuart McGill. How can you say things are different now than back then under Tugga?" he asked, clapping his hands together and then struggling to separate them due to the adhesive qualities of saliva.