Hat-tricks, beefcakes and kangaroos

Irfan Pathan: hat-trick hero © AFP

Grand finale After two Tests that brought a new meaning to tedium, the decider at Karachi was a thrill-a-minute from the off, with Irfan Pathan becoming the first man to take a hat-trick in the first over of a Test. At 39 for 6, Pakistan appeared down and out, but they rose from the dead so spectacularly that they won by 341 runs with a day to spare. Among the post mortems, a major worry for India continues to be the form of Sachin Tendulkar. Since his big hundred against Pakistan in March, 2004, he averages 25.22 in 18 innings against countries in the top six of the ICC rankings. In those 12 Tests, he has passed fifty only three times.

Are you sure? Former multinational batsman Kepler Wessels had a go at the South African side this week, accusing some of them of being unfit and overweight. "Look at the Aussies, nobody there looks overweight," he said. "A comparison of tests on the percentage fat of individuals in the two sides would be very interesting." That struck a nerve with Graeme Smith, who fired back: "It looks as if Kepler wants to get into a scrap with me." Smith should think long and hard about that. Wessels used to box to a decent level and remains supremely fit.

Simon Jones: the people's beefcake © Getty Images

Beefcake watch A poll in the UK's New Woman magazine says that Simon Jones is the ninth sexiest man in the world, ranking two places higher than George Clooney. Jones is the top sportsman on the list, three places above footballer Thierry Henry. The only other cricketer to feature was Andrew Flintoff, back in 54th.

Race relations In a week dominated by debates about Australian crowds - the ICC launched an investigation on Tuesday - it is worth noting that spectators have always had their say about players and their origins. I came across a very old article about Douglas Jardine, England's Bodyline captain, which recalled a comment made when he faced Eddie Gilbert, the lightning-fast Aboriginal bowler, at Brisbane in 1932-33. "'Come on, Eddie, give it to this bastard," came the yell from the crowd. "It was his bloody forefathers who took all that land from your bloody forefathers."

Priorities You have to have some sympathy with the Pakistan Cricket Board who came in for some flak after an important meeting in Karachi broke up after half an hour with little of note achieved. Why so short? The board officials blustered, but one admitted in private that they had all wanted to get to the ground for the start of the Test.

What welcome awaits Australia's TV favourite in South Africa? © nostalgiacentral.com

Skippy, the bushed kangaroo Matthew Hayden was in no doubt that when Australia tour South Africa next month, they could be in for a tough welcome. "We'll see Skippy hung up by the neck a couple of times and we'll have a chuckle at it ourselves and that's all part of it." Turning the other cheek might be the best strategy. On the 1996-97 tour of South Africa, Paul Reiffel recalled how he turned to face a spectator who had yelled at him: "I looked straight at him. He pulled out a magnum, pointed it at me and pulled the trigger. I froze. Obviously it wasn't loaded or I wouldn't be here to tell the tale."

Yes, you can sink lower You have to feel a bit sorry for the Kenyans. Since reaching the World Cup semi-finals almost three years ago, they have played only five ODIs, the last being 16 months ago. That seemed to be about to end when Cricket Kenya agreed to a three-match tour of Zimbabwe for later this month. But Zimbabwe's problems grow by the day, and now it seems that they will not be able to go ahead with the ODIs as they won't have anyone half-decent to select from, following the breakdown of talks with the striking players. Eye witnesses say that standards in Zimbabwe's provincial one-day tournament which was held this week were dire - that could account for it taking until the sixth game for any batsman to make a fifty and any side to pass 120. And a source added that the racial cleansing of the board was almost complete following the sacking of team manger Babu Meman and former selector Richie Kaschula. In summary ... the board is in conflict with the majority of the country's remaining players, it has removed all white and Asian representation, and it runs a domestic competition which is to all intents and purposes a joke. The question has been asked before, but just what will it take for the international community and the ICC to decide enough is enough?

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