When Danny met Pandee

In the services of investigative journalism we bugged Danny Morrison communist-regime style recently. Here's a transcript of what was recorded before the batteries died.

The breakfast table. Morrison spots Manish Pandey, and as is his wont, screams to attract attention.

Morrison: Hey, Pandee!

Pandey: That's Pandey, not Pandee.

Morrison: That's exactly what I said, Pandee.

Pandey: Pan-dey. Paan, as in betel leaf.

Morrison: Er, the Beatles were never my thing - too esoteric. Their only good song was "Helter Skelter". I can use the words from that one during commentary when you are batting. [chuckles]

My favourites were UB40. How wonderful they were at the IPL opening ceremony… [starts singing] I can't help falling in love...

Pandey: [Tearing his freshly gelled hair] Pan-dey. Pan rhymes with, umm, butter naan, and dey with day.

Morrison: Oh, butter naan. Excellent bread, I tell you. India is such an exotic country. I love the idiosyncrasies, the diversities. Especially how much you love your food. Even kids are named after naans.

A silence, which is broken by Morrison, as usual

Morrison: What a shame, though. The visual imagery that "Pandee" used to create in my mind was so nice. Just like the Double Ds.

Pandey: Yeah, whatever.

Morrison: So how's your team-mate, Virat Coolie?

Pandey: That's Kohli, $#**&@

Because of technical reasons, the name Pandey calls Morrison here is not recorded clearly. It is either an abusive term in Hindi or the name of an animal. Matthew Hayden, who is having breakfast nearby, overhears and intervenes.

Hayden: Hey, you called him a monkey. That's racial vilification, mate.

Pandey: No, I said teri maa ki….

Morrison:: You said monkey, we both heard it. I'll take you to court, mate. I'll sue you for DLF Maximum damage, I'll make you pay high and handsome for your loose deliveries, and when the judge throws the kitchen sink at you, it will be my Citi Under-23 Success.

Hayden: Under-23, mate?

Morrison: Well, he is under 23, and I am a success.

Hayden: Ha, that was funny. High five.

Pandey: Wait a minute. How will you ever prove anything?

Hayden: Of course, I'll testify.

Morrison: Good on ya, mate. You're a rock star.

Pandey: But Sachin Tendulkar is not here. And as long as he hasn't heard it, it's not the truth. No court of law will accept it.

Morrison: Oh no, we dominated this game, but with this late Citi Moment of Success, Pandee has had the last laugh again.

Pandey and Hayden: [in chorus]: Oh come on, it's Pandey.