The Ashes is not just a freaking cricket match

The perils of social networking have hit home in a big way for a previously anonymous young lady in Westfield, Massachusetts, whose username on Twitter, @theashes, has turned her into an unwitting hub for all the banter circulating around the ongoing first Test at the Gabba.

@theashes, whose Twitter page is decorated with distinctly un-cricket-like floral pink wallpaper, responded in a measured fashion to some of the first traffic that passed through her page, telling one user “this isn’t the cricket twitter”. However, by the start of the third day of the Test her patience finally snapped.

“I AM NOT A FREAKING CRICKET MATCH!!! That means you @matywilson @zandertrego @thesummats @ atonyboffey @faz1988 and MORE,” she wrote, a response that quickly went viral, ensuring that she is now fielding endless enquiries about Andrew Strauss’s captaincy, Mitchell Johnson’s hopeless form, and during one drinks break, an appeal to “put the kettle on love”.