'We're receiving reports of Aussies in trouble'

Did you see it?

He's lying. He saw it. If nothing else, the hashtag's a giveaway.

Alastair Cook won the toss and bowled.

Nope.

Matt Prior was useful behind the stumps, but not half as good as he apparently is in the stands.

Broad took two wickets in that over and pretty soon he had five more.

Ex-England rugby player Brian Moore rated the morning right up there in his hierarchy of life experiences.

Things were so violent at Trent Bridge that Nottinghamshire police considered intervening.

Pretty soon - well actually very, very, uncommonly soon - the tourists were nine down.

They couldn't. Broad got another one.

Not sure there was actually enough material for a 30-second ad.

The reaction among Australians was mixed. Dean Jones channelled Michael Vaughan in staying positive.

While Matthew Hayden indulged in some wishful thinking.

Yeah, that's where Australia went wrong, Matthew - with the make-up of their bowling attack.

I suppose we should probably take a look at events outside the first morning of the fourth Ashes Test as well.

Chris Gayle had his usual demanding schedule.

So did Dale Steyn.

Kemar Roach had some more insightful advice.

And Jimmy Neesham had beard-growing advice.

But then got rid of it.

Finally, this is how Stuart Broad gained his superpowers. You can bet they weren't in Nando's.