'Dad, can't you make them sack Billy?'

The phone-hacking controversy hit us hard. Why hadn't we thought of listening in on phone conversations before? Why wasn't the ICC using it to control corruption in the game? And does anyone believe Steve Waugh can't beat a lie-detector? Hacking seemed pretty simple, so we gave it a shot. Only, we got a bit carried away and hacked so many phones that the transcripts got all jumbled up, so we don't know who's talking to whom here.

Person 1: Cheeka, what will be our exit strategy... let's not use names, you never know who's listening... for "the only Indians no one hates"?

Person 2: Exit strategy, sir? I thought you said you'll extend my contract?

Person 1: What? And please don't call me "Sir". "Your Excellency, the future president" will do.

Person 2: A thousand apologies, your Excellency. But we won the World Cup for India. How can you do this to me?

Person 1: I'm, talking about the plans for V R S.

Person 2: Voluntary retirement? No, your majesty, please. I am so young.

Person 1: Oh god, don't you understand me? I'm talking about Nos. 3, 4, 5 - what are we going to do with them?

Person 2: Them? Sack the lot of them. They never did any work anyway. Just yes-men. The World Cup squad was a product of my genius. Keep me, keep me.

Person 1: Cheeka, get a grip on yourself or you'll go from World Cup-winning selector to the worst job in Indian cricket.

Person 2: IPL commissioner?

Person: 1 Spectator.

****

Person 3: I am fit. Why am I not allowed to come to England now, sirjee?

Person 4: I explained, didn't I? You would have stolen my thunder.

Person 3: Thunder? But I only drink Coke.

****

Person 5: But daddy, this sucks! It was so out! Can't you make them sack Billy?

Person 6: ...... riiiing

****

Person 7: I tell you, mate, polygraphs work.

Person 8: What's your point?

Person 7: Er, nothing. I was wondering if you wanted to come over and tell me again how that bookie asked you about the weather and the pitch?

Person 8: I'm gonna tell mum you said that.

****

Person 9: Hello, I want to place a bet on when the 100th hundred will be scored.

Person 10: Waste of money, pal.

Person 9: What do you mean?

Person 9: Do you know what sort of revenues the broadcasters and advertisers rake in in anticipation of the hundred?

Person 10: I guess...

Person 9: Yeah, so it's been decided. It won't happen this year. Each board will make as much money as it can first.

Person 10: He will never agree to it. He is god! Chak de India!

Person: 9 Why do you think the DRS was tweaked?