Lancashire

"Goodbye Lydia!" were the last words uttered by Heisenberg in the season finale of Breaking Bad this weekend. He's the man I hold wholly responsible for the fashionably late arrival of my last hoorah as Cricinfo's Lancashire cheerleader.

I can't really say it's been a rollercoaster ride, more like a comfortable journey on a Virgin train service from Division Two to Division One. Chapple's troops nearly went the whole season without losing a single game - had it not been for the dead rubber against Kent last week, when they rested a few players, they may well have achieved it. Yes, the fans would have liked to see the side achieve success in the cup competitions but the blueprint for the season had always been promotion. That they achieved, and with flying colours.

Now at this stage, normally I'd start rattling through all the players and their varying degrees of success. A rant here, an exaggerated praise there, and maybe I will. But before I go there, I must salute the captain of the Emirates Old Trafford's cricketing airline, Mr Peter Moores.

If Lancashire had built up a head of steam at the last time of writing, they're currently moving along like a Japanese bullet train. The momentum shift from steam engine to high-tech electric was initiated shortly after my last blog when (sticking with the Japanese theme) the ever reliable Glen Chappimoto and Kyle Hoggirami, Lancashire's Samurai duo, helped crush the league leaders Northants by eight wickets. Hogg sliced his way through seven scalps recording career best figures of 7 for 27, while Chapple cleaned up the other three wickets to skittle Northants for 62, from which they never recovered.

But it was neither Hogg nor Chapple who brought home the sushi in the two County Championship games that followed. Instead, it was Simon Shinobi Kerrigan's 20 wickets against Northants and Glamorgan that sent the Red Rose to the league summit. His masterful ninja-like displays in the second fixture against Northants deserve a special mention. When the swinging swords of Chapple's seam attack were rendered impotent by a placid wicket, the Kerrigano came into his own. Akin to the legendary 90's arcade classic in which Shinobi paralyzed enemies with shuriken, Kerrigan's accurate bowling had a similar effect on the Northants batsmen. He took 7 for 63 in 30 overs to reduce the home side to 241 in ideal batting conditions, and in the process help inflict a second eight-wicket defeat of their promotion rivals.

Was he satisfied? Did he say arigato and rest on his laurels for the next game against Glamorgan? Oh no he didn't, he only went and helped himself to twelve wickets, which deservedly catapulted him to the top of the league's wicket-taking charts. He now has 44 wickets at 19.72 apiece, and a strike rate below 47. Those are the kind of figures that'd make a Pulp Fiction-ing Samuel. L. Jackson say (If he was a cricket fan) "Mmmmmmmm that is a tasty bowler."

It was a dull Thursday morning, June was a mere 13 days old and the year was 2013. The cricketing twitter-verse was gleefully engaging in a healthy round of Warner bashing after he had failed to land a punch on Joe Root's tiny face. But out in the middle at Chelmsford on the second day of Lancashire's County Championship Division Two match against Essex, Kyle Hogg was about to bowl the fifth over of the morning with the score at 272 for 9. It was in this over that occurred a comedy moment to rival Samit Patel's banana skin episode earlier in the season.

David Masters was the batsman as Hogg sent a rather loose early morning delivery harmlessly down the legside. Masters showed remarkably quick hands looking to pounce, only to go through the shot too early. By the time the ball actually arrived, the bat was staring at fine leg and the shoulder duly obliged and ejected the ball straight up in the air much like an RAF pilot aborting a fighter jet in an emergency. As the ball parachuted down towards the middle of the wicket, Hogg began performing what can only be described as some sort of a tap dance. As the ball got closer to earth and him, he proceeded to then re-enact a scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, catching the descending ball like a bride before hoisting it over his shoulder in a celebratory manner. The Essex supporters were understandably amused, not for long. Hogg scored a half century and took 6 for 58 in the match as Lancashire bowled out Essex for 20 in the second innings to win by an innings and 105 runs.

Now, in my previous blogs I have thrown superlatives at Glen Chapple ranging from Iron man and the terminator to Liam Neeson. But simultaneously, I have also longed to find an alternative target. Well this time it's Kyle Hogg's turn. In the Championship Hogg has taken 13 wickets since my last blog and scored a handy 133 runs. Crucially 58 of those came at Chelmsford which not only helped Lancashire recover from 190 for 6 in the 57th over to a total of 398, but also kept the home side out in the field for another 61 overs. This arguably had a demoralising and fatiguing impact on the opposition and contributed to their resulting capitulation.

New ball in hand, galloping into a stiff breeze, he lands his first ball with expert precision into that corridor of uncertainty. The ball swings away late squaring the batsman horribly, yet ironically making it appear as if he's masterfully avoided a bullet, Matrix style. As Glen Chapple stands and glares at the bloke with the bat in his hand, I can't help but imagine dubbing a variation of Liam Neesen's famous lines from Taken at that precise moment.

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you're looking for runs I don't have any. What I do have are a very particular set of skills I've acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my team win now and surrender that will be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for your weakness. I will find your weakness. And I will rip your middle stump out the ground. "

When I highlighted Chapple as pretty much the Iron Man of the Lancashire Avengers in my first blog, it was admittedly with a more muted confidence than in years gone by. Shame on me, how dare I question the master! Glamorgan required a modest 153 for victory in the first of four games for Lancashire in May and the first four overs had gone at nearly ten an over, the fat lady was warming up. Enter the Chappienator. While Kerrigan took most of the plaudits with an exceptional spell of 5 for 32 off 15.4 overs, it was Chapple who took the prized scalp of Will Bragg. He had begun his innings at blistering speed, hell bent on finishing the game early. The significance of the counterattacking ploy adopted by Chapple is something you won't find in the scorebook yet it played a massive part in securing a crucial first Championship win of the season for the Red Rose.

Whilst James Anderson's inclusion for the game against Kent brought much needed oomph to Lancashire's bowling attack, it wasn't enough to yield the desired win.

Lancashire didn't register a win in April last year and failed to recover from a sluggish start, which led to their eventual, unexpected relegation. Unfortunately for Lancashire fans (of the superstitious persuasion), April this year has also failed to deliver a victory. Is it too early to worry? Beating Kent last week would've been crucial in avoiding what the coach, Peter Moores, last year called "playing catch-up cricket". It didn't happen. With two disappointing draws behind them, May thus becomes a massive month for the club's hopes of promotion back to Division One.

Now, I'm fully aware that it is difficult to read too much into the opening games of the season. The outfield players resemble an army of Michelin men, clad in underarmour, harbouring resentment and dissent towards the absent, unfaithful summer. But if the Sherlocks and Nostrodamuses of this world are willing, it is possible to look for and find clues and cook up a prophecy. Here's my attempt at deciphering Lancashire's promotion Da Vinci code.

By heck it's gorgeous, but cricket sure can be a cruel mistress at times. With one hand she giveth, the other she taketh away. After the jubilation of reaching dizzy heights as county champions in 2011, Lancashire convincingly fell back down to earth last year after being relegated. Will they bounce back this summer?