'If I had debuted in 2006, I wouldn't have lasted 20 years'
Shahid Afridi looks back on his two decades in international cricket, the burden of expectations, and battling coaches who tried to change his game

"Now cricket has become difficult for cricketers. There is so much of it, and too many injuries" • Getty Images
Playing for Pakistan was such a huge dream. I never thought I would play this long. At the time I thought, I've got an entry, a little more will be fine. But I kept going from there. Seniors like Wasim [Akram] and Moin [Khan] really pushed me. I needed that. I was performing at a young age, with all that fame, the world record. I got the strength slowly, got support from my seniors and elders, but I never thought I'd play this much.
I began as a bowler and batting at No. 8 or 9 at Under-14, U-16 and U-19 levels, so to change myself was really difficult. At the start, the expectations people had was from my batting - that he will come and hit out. To change myself was really difficult. I couldn't focus enough on my bowling, through which I had got into the team. People wanted to see my batting.
"The only talk I have with my team is that I want 100% effort on the field, so people say, 'Pakistan today has really given it all, they have given their lives to this display'"
In the first 15 overs of an ODI, with field restrictions, they would want me to run singles and doubles, to hit fours along the ground, and not go aerial and attempt sixes. I didn't have that in me in the first place, so how was I going to bring it about?
I used to get very frustrated, and whenever I went in to bat, I was in two minds. Any shot I played, I would do with fear in my heart, that if I get out to this shot, the coach will ask me, "What kind of shot have you just played?" With that pressure, I batted for five to seven years. But eventually I took a call and said: if I play, I will play the way I want to, not how anyone else tells me to.
I don't think in international cricket there is a need for coaching. The real coaching is to recognise your players' strengths and weaknesses. You always remain positive with your players. In Pakistan, if you don't score runs in two matches, the coach does not even respond to your salaam. Woolmer was totally the opposite of that. He would go to the kid who didn't perform and talk to him. He would remind him of his old innings. If you see my performances and that of the team in his era, they have been great.
I think in international cricket, your management is about motivating players. You need coaches at the U-19, A team, U-14 or U-16 level. In international cricket you need to get a guy to perform.
In our culture and in the west, there is zameen aasman ka farkh [a huge difference]. They enjoy the day, then forget about it and think of a new day. Our problem is that we have media pressure, public pressure, your own individual performance pressure, pressure of making a place in the team - we focus on too much of these things in Asia.
"School cricket is dying. When we went to school, I had a passion and talent for the game, and in school there was opportunity, so I got into it"
When you start playing, cricket is a passion of yours. After you keep playing, you get to a stage where it becomes a business for you. Then it depends on you - many don't do social work; as a player I started to do it. Then the responsibility increases. You need to manage family expectations.
I went to court as well…( smiles)
That pressure of expectation is the thing. Uff tauba.
Until I hit a boundary, I feel restless. That pressure stays with me. Some players can feel confident taking singles and doubles. I spoke to a couple of others, like [Virender] Sehwag, who also said, "Until I hit a boundary I don't feel settled". The pressure from the awaam, the pressure of expectation, is huge - that is international cricket, after all, because we play with the same bat and ball in domestic cricket.
I can never get to the level of Misbah, ever. His talking, thinking is completely cricket - day and night. That is his personality. I am a little different, a little aggressive. The only talk I have with my team is that I want 100% effort on the field, so people say, "Pakistan today has really given it all, they have given their lives to this display." As a captain, that is a big thing for me. You win and lose, sure. But when you leave the ground you don't want to think that I could've done a little bit more today.
My effort is to keep things as simple as possible and make plans according to situations. I take decisions by myself, but I always try to listen to the seniors around me, to be able to call on them during a match and ask: what do you reckon here, what should be done? They give me their plan and I decide from that. There are very few decisions I take by myself. It is a team game. My senior players have also been ex-captains.
"The awaam has always given me such support that I can never forget them. They have been my strength"
If I had played Test cricket right from the start, I would have had a chance to improve a lot. But I got a Test debut after 60-70 ODIs. I did well early on, but if I didn't perform in one series, I would be dropped from the Test side. Then I used to come back, perform, not perform, get dropped. In two innings if I didn't do anything I would be dropped. So I thought, better than this, side pakar loon [step aside from Test cricket] and, in truth, I wasn't enjoying Test cricket at the time.
Yes, bilkul. But I don't think I ever had a plan to play it for a long time. When I made a comeback [in 2010], that was only because of the chairman [Butt]. There was a lot of politics in the team at the time. The chairman knew I was doing well with the ODI and T20 sides, and the dressing room was good under me, so he thought of me.
Yes. I had spoken to the management at the time about some people trying to get close to the team and that I was not happy with them. I found out that these guys are involved in these things and I needed to be moved far away from them.
Hai! If 2006, and I was 18 to 20 years old… I think I wouldn't have lasted 20 years. And the stars, the big names I played with and in the opposition, in West Indies, India and Australia - that I would've missed.
T20 has really changed cricket. If you take Test cricket, you get results in four days, three and a half days. It has changed a lot. It should too, with time. You enjoy that change - the crowd you get at a T20, you do not get that even in an ODI anymore.
I went out there with the mindset of a No. 8 or 9, like a tailender. Now, skills are very important for a batsman. Talent everyone has, but the skills to play these crazy shots… even fast bowlers get reverse-swept, which didn't happen in the past. It is difficult for bowlers but it's entertaining for fans.
I still play sirat-al-Mustakeem [the straight path], seedha seedha. The sweep, I play sometimes, off a good yorker. A yorker is difficult to hit straight. I never thought about reverse-sweeping, not even against a spinner. I think the guy who hits a reverse shot, maybe isn't able to hit straight. If you have the strength and power to hit a straight six, then if two fielders are standing back [behind square] why should I take such a chance? A lot of players play a lot of these shots - Misbah plays it as his opening shot and does it well. [Abdul] Razzaq never hit a sweep, let alone a reverse. So those guys who have the belief that if they can hit straight, why take a chance?
That was Sachin's [Tendulkar] bat. But if I look at that now, there is a huge difference between bats of today and those ones. They are longer now. Sachin's bats have also changed. They are much stronger now. The wood they use is great and your Indian bats are very famous.
"There have been many days when I thought I'll stop playing cricket, it's too much, it's enough. I've cried in dressing rooms, have broken bats, have broken TV sets"
Yes, too much.
It depends a lot on the pitches - if it is a fast bowler's pitch, then the fast bowler survives. If you look at cricket, spinners and batsmen are surviving. For fast bowlers, especially because of the circle [field restrictions], it has become difficult. But the two new balls help, especially if the pitch is conducive. If not, then unki khair nahin [they are not spared].
As such I haven't tried to change too much with my legspin. The real thing I have is drift. When I don't bowl well, I can see I'm not getting that drift, because the body is not being put into it.
When your whole body is going to go into it [the action]. It comes from the hip, the side, the shoulder, the follow-through. Unless you are 100% with these, you will not get that kind of drift. You will get it, but not a consistent one.
You can say that after playing lots, after watching a couple of series where I bowled outstandingly, seeing that the body was like this and it wasn't in that game, and what is the difference, with our analysts, you look at yourself. A man can learn best from himself.
I started cricket by bowling fast.
[VVS] Laxman waghera, helmet pe maara tha [I hit VVS and others on their helmets].
One, cricket has become really modern. Our board, our management, they should be thinking about these things now. They have to get rid of these old-fashioned views, bring in new people, with new thinking, so that they can create something new with these kids.
"If I had played Test cricket right from the start, I would have had a chance to improve a lot. But I got a Test debut after 60-70 ODIs. I did well early on, but if I didn't perform in one series, I would be dropped"
Of course. Or you raise the standard of domestic cricket to such a high level that they play. Many guys who are here [in the PSL] right now, top cricketers from Pakistan's domestic cricket, have struggled in a bigger crowd of players. They couldn't perform.
Of course it will. Not right now, but in three to four years. I am very happy with it, it was zabardast. The credit goes to the PCB for it. I would thank those overseas players who came and played with our younger kids. I would thank those franchises who took part for Pakistan cricket.
Just that it happened was a big moment, given it was cancelled twice before this. Probably the biggest moment was our youngsters were coming out of Pakistan for the first time, sitting in a dressing room with such big stars. That was a huge thing for me. I didn't worry about our results. I didn't even hope to win so many matches.
Nagraj Gollapudi is an assistant editor at ESPNcricinfo