This, that and the other. Mostly the other
No, this is not happening. I can't do this anymore, I want out.
It has gotten to the point where I hear his name and I throw chairs, abuse random strangers and consider prison sentences.
The name is Mike Hussey.
Just typing the name out makes me want to kill the parents of cute animals.
We all have a player we hate, but my anger at Mike has moved beyond simple sporting spite. I need the Australian Test team to be cleansed of him.
For how long do I have to deal with his fumbling around with the wrong end of the cricket bat as his average freefalls below the socially acceptable levels? At one time he was the statistical anomaly of the world, perhaps the most successful nerd since James Cameron said he was king of the world.
Hussey's fall from grace is best shown in numbers, because his batting doesn't look all that different; he just gets out a lot more. In his first period of Test cricket, 22 Tests (the James Cameron period), Hussey made eight centuries with an average of 78. For a lot of that time his average was in the 80s. That is Clooney-in-From-Dusk-Till-Dawn good.
Then came his second period in Test cricket: 20 Tests (the Uwe Boll period), in which Hussey managed two hundreds at an average of 32. That is Vince-Vaughn-in-Psycho bad.
And now the selectors, the human beings who are there to protect the Australian team from people like him, have told Mike Hussey to rest from Shield cricket before Australia's upcoming Tests as his place is that assured. Andrew Hilditch says his decision on the future of Hussey is as hard as any he has ever made. That only counts if you make a decision, Andrew. Picking him blindly, not picking other batsmen in squads to put pressure on him, not saying "Perform or you are out", are not decisions, Andrew. It is closing your eyes, putting your fingers in your ears, spinning around and saying, "I'm not listening, I'm not listening."
You might question the timing of this Hussey attack. In his last innings he did make a century. Of course, even in that innings he broke the hearts of all Australians by running out the man who could have won the Ashes.
Hussey's continued selection makes no sense based on where Australia are at the moment. They have lost three Test series in the last 12 months and are blooding teenagers and players off the street, like Burt Cockley. What use is a 34-year-old batsman in bad form for 18 months while you are rebuilding your team?
Phil Hughes has made as many hundreds as Hussey has in the last 18 months (from five Tests), and yet he was out after failing in two Tests in England.
Which one is the future here?
Mr Hilditch, stop with the dithering and fingers in the ears. Just drop the Hussey and let the Test team get on with their lives.
Or, if you have a quota for Husseys, why not try the other one?
Jarrod Kimber is an Australian writer based in London. He can be found at cricketwithballs.com
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