'There was disappointment, there was shock'

Ryan McLaren is still holding out hope of being part of South African cricket's future despite being left out of the World Cup squad. The 31-year-old allrounder, who is currently part of the South Africa A side that is playing the England Lions, admitted he would consider appearing as an overseas player in the UK but explained those offers were on the table before the squad was announced and insisted his "commitment remains to South Africa."

McLaren has been on a Kolpak deal in the past, when he signed with Kent in 2007, but has been part of the South African set-up since 2009. He became their regular allrounder in ODIs when Jacques Kallis first become unavailable for bilateral series and then retired and was expected to be part of the World Cup 15. Instead, he was omitted in favour of an outfit with only one allrounder, Wayne Parnell, and extra batsmen in Rilee Rossouw and Farhaan Behardien.

"It was a tough few days. There was a lot of disappointment, there was shock. The 48 hours after the phone call was pretty emotional but I am over the worst now. The decision has been made. I can't complain and moan, it's done now," McLaren told ESPNcricinfo. "When I was asked to play for the SA A side I thought it was a great opportunity to get away from what's happened, to focus on what I think is a really good series and in the same breath to keep playing and make sure that I am sharp."

Although McLaren has not been told he is on standby, he wants to "make sure I am ready," in case he is called on in an emergency.

The reasons for McLaren's exclusion were never explicitly explained, but he suspects the choice was between him and Wayne Parnell. "I think it was basically between myself and Wayne as all-rounders," he said. "They decided to go with Wayne and that's it."

South Africa's convener of selectors, Andrew Hudson, glossed over the issue at the press conference following the squad announcement, saying only that some players were "unlucky to miss out," but has since been quoted in a local newspaper explaining he thinks Parnell has the "X-factor." Asked whether he thought he had the same, McLaren had this to say: "I've performed consistently for two years. Whether some people see that as being the X-factor or not or whether they see that as being consistent, its not for me to decide what other people's opinions are. If they want to express their opinion, that's their opinion. I can't control it. Parny has got the X-factor - he is a serious cricketer."

McLaren, though, still thought his own performances, especially over the last two years, would earn him a place. "I would have thought I'd done enough," he said. And it's difficult to argue with that.

McLaren had only played 13 ODIs in the fours years following his debut in 2009 but was given a more regular run at the beginning of 2013. Since then, his performances have noticeably improved. He has played 41 matches, scored 447 runs including his highest of 71 not out at 23.52, - greater than his overall average of 18.65 - and taken 68 wickets including his best of 4 for 19 at 24.30 - better than his overall average of 27.29. He was also South Africa's second-highest wicket-taker in 2014, one behind Morne Morkel.

All that suggested McLaren had established his place as South Africa's first-choice allrounder but then injury intervened. Mitchell Johnson did to McLaren what he has done to Graeme Smith twice, breaking his arm during the triangular series in Zimbabwe in August. McLaren healed in time to travel with South Africa to Australia but the magic had gone.

He only played three of the five games, took just one wicket, and found himself at the centre of some of their middle-order collapses. That was effectively where McLaren lost his place and he explained it simply had to do with time out of the game. "I had picked up a shoulder injury in March and I wasn't able to play four-day cricket," he said. "I fell badly while fielding. The fractured arm against Australia meant that I couldn't do any muscle strength or conditioning on the shoulder. So the arm actually felt fine but the shoulder was giving me more trouble than anything else. It took a while to get the match sharpness and strength back.

"Australia is not the place to go to not having had any cricket under your belt, rusty and and returning from injury. Anyone who plays the sport knows that you are going to go through a bad series. It's part of sport. Did I choose to have it in that series? Obviously not."

That leaves McLaren in a limbo of sorts. He still wants to play cricket but needs to find the right avenue. Offers from England came in even before the World Cup squad was announced and McLaren is pondering them but does not want to sign a Kolpak deal. "It is an option to go to England but as an overseas player. These offers came in before, not as a result of being left out," he said. "My commitment is still with Cricket South Africa."

So he is honouring that by playing wherever they will have him and at the moment that is with South Africa's next-best side. McLaren's two centuries in two first-class games earned him a place in the two unofficial Tests against the Lions and he is also part of the limited-overs plans. He sees his role as a combination of making a case for higher honours and mentoring the youngsters.

"You feel you are next in line but there is also a part for me to play being a senior in the team and pass on your experience to the younger guys in the system. I feel I have a responsibility there. There is a lot of potential and the guys are hungry and wanting to ask questions," McLaren said. But he does not hide the fact that there is definitely somewhere else he would rather be.

"Over and above the disappointment is the fact that you have been part of a really special group of guys and a really special team culture and that's almost more important than anything else," McLaren said. "There's close mates and close friends and we've really spent a lot of time together and I'll be missing that. But there's more to life than just cricket. I want to still enjoy playing. I don't know what the future is going to be, what will be expected of me and whether I will be involved. All I can do is put in performances."