The Surfer

One concern is that the IPL may damage morale in the England camp by exposing the team to vast inequalities of income. I have always resisted this idea because it should not matter to a sportsman what everyone else is earning. But the fact is that most people do care. Economists suggest that players worry more about their wages compared to colleagues than they do about the bottom line in pounds.

From the moment he took guard on a slow pitch in sunblessed Newcastle, the compact left-hander displayed the combination of tenacity and skill required to open the innings for his country. Throughout, the country boy came across as a well-grounded youngster with a distinctive game and a fondness for scoring runs.

Symonds is a bad look for cricket these days, and while image is not necessarily a crucial asset in sport, it certainly helps to have a good one rather than a bad one.

If the declaration was delayed with demoralisation in mind, then it succeeded to an extent as England's fielding disintegrated even if the bowling was never less than wholehearted. One moment of comedy, for example, brought six overthrows to add to a single off Graeme Swann, who endured a chastening couple of days, conceding 160 runs from 41 wicketless overs. Normally a jovial chap, his sense of humour deserted him.

The tastiest figure on show? There was not much to choose between them, if truth be told. Harmison, even though he did not have the best figures, caused the bastmen what little discomfort there was. He ran in with a little more vigour, suggesting that the fire in his belly has not been completely extinguished yet, although he is still a long way short of optimum pace. He, like the rest, will be glad to see the back of this pitch.

He is still crashing the ball past a bewildered fielder at point, surprising third man who might harbour thoughts of reaching the ball; still playing the pick up shot and depositing the ball into the stands at square leg; still charging back for the second like there is a brownie waiting for him. There is still a great simplicity of thought and action and often those are the humble building blocks of greatness. He is now the oldest man to score a one-day hundred and I suspect that, like Sergei Bubka, he will keep breaking his own record.

Parmar who relies more on his doosra than any other variety is not convinced that his action is suspect and that is the real problem. Unlike Laxmipathy Balaji who was convinced that he needed to remodel his action after the back injury if at all he had to get back to competitive cricket, Parmar feels he will lose the doosra if he changes the action.

The perfect scenario would be that even Friday’s less-than-full-strength South African side prevails against the punch-drunk Aussies at the WACA, making it 4-1 for the series and assumption of top spot on the ICC rankings. Even if that proves a bridge too far, there will be fresh opportunity on home soil to claim that bragging right, and at least we can heave a sigh of relief that an overdue maiden World Cup triumph (that’s got to be a key target now) doesn’t look nearly so unlikely an occurrence just over two years up the drag.

… Billy Bowden had seen that Michael Kasprowicz’s hand was off the bat at Edgbaston in 2005?

Steve Harmison digs the ball in and the reliable (let’s indulge our imaginations here) Geraint Jones pockets the catch. Kasper the Friendly Seamer turns to walk … but wait! Billy Bowden sees that Kasprowicz was not gripping the handle and calls him back. Four wides from Harmison hand Australia the win, a devastated England cannot turn the series tide and are defeated 5-0.