The Surfer

The leaders of the game in that benighted land work hand in hand with Zanu pf. Peter Chingoka, the long standing chairman of a disreputable board, is allied to the influential Mujuru faction. He has mining interests, vast investments and houses overseas. Ozias Bvute, his opportunistic and thuggish CEO, is cut from the same stone. These fat cats ... gained from the activities of the CIO, Green Bombers and all the other ghastly representatives of the repressive state.

These countries do not have the capacity to play at this level and it is debatable if they ever will have. They are no more than a millstone around the neck of international cricket in an era of professionalism, commercialism and a congested international cricket schedule.

The BCCI senior officials have been saying that their hands are tied and it would their government’s call over whether the cricket team should tour Pakistan. It may be true, but the BCCI has a lot of clout in India and if it wants the tour to go ahead, a government clearance shouldn’t be a problem. After all, India came here for the Asia Cup this summer when the security situation here wasn’t worse than its now. Like Pakistan, India itself has been a target of terrorism and should identify with their neighbour’s problem. If not, then Butt should raise the ICL issue.

He has written three well-received books. His 'prentice piece, Playing Hard Ball, compared his experiences in cricket and baseball. He then did a season's diary, one with an awful lot of meat, On And Off The Field. His present book is in many ways remarkable, entitled boldly What Sport Tells Us About Life. The diary deals with 2003, the year he played for England. He made 64 in his first innings; in his last, he was given out leg-before to a ball that would have comfortably cleared the stumps. What sport tells us here is that life is a bitch. He never played for England again.

I have spent decades in the profession to know how the system works. In 70s the selectors would openly discuss selections with senior journalists. Selectors were open to suggestions. This was never misused. We were told that Ajit Wadekar was given the choice between Abbas Ali Baig and Dilip Sardesai for the West Indies tour of 1971. Wadekar opted for Sardesai who went on to score heavily in the series. What’s wrong if Dhoni had asked for RP Singh to be retained?

The most riveting of examples in Indian cricket is the Polly Umrigar incident in 1958-59. The captain wanted a batsman for the fourth Test in Chennai against West Indies after the sudden resignation of captain Ghulam Ahmed and the pulling out of star batsman Vijay Manjrekar. Umrigar wanted Mumbai's Manohar Hardikar but the selectors (headed by Lala Amarnath) did not give in and Services batsman AK Sengupta was picked for his one and only Test. It is also believed that then Board president RK Patel sent Jasu Patel, no relation to the BCCI boss but a man from his region. Patel did not play eventually. Umrigar quit as captain in protest overnight and Vinoo Mankad was appointed captain through a discussion behind the toilets of the Corporation Stadium (Chennai) just before the start of the Test.

Some take the passion too far - and to hell with the tonic water. Well over 50 years ago, at village cricket for Stroud Stragglers v Frocester, I clapped in their smiter at No 6; he had a flat half-bottle of gin in the back pocket of his flannels, swiped and slurped with equal abandon and when he was out for 60-odd the bottle was empty - the only case I know of the batsman arriving at the crease sober and leaving it blind drunk.

A year and a half, in which time Moores has supervised 66 matches in various formats, is an adequate time in which to form a picture and it is not looking too favourable. Brickbats came his way last winter for the boot-camp approach to training and as, one senior player told me at the time, his "in your face" approach compared unfavourably with Fletcher's assertive but considered and unobtrusive style. Moores has been forced to adapt, which is not a sign of strength. In his captain, Kevin Pietersen, he has a dominant personality who was known not to have a close relationship with him and who likes his own way. Moores' influence, already thinning, has been diluted further.

‘Do you know what? This is exactly what I needed,’ says the former captain who won the Ashes. ‘To be taken back to where I started. There’s no luxury, no staying at five-star accommodation. I’m in a real refreshed state of mind, just looking forward to getting out there and working on my game. I haven’t done that for a while.’

Sadly, modern cricketers will need to be PR savvy as well as professional. As with Premier League footballers, well-paid cricketers will find that every molehill of a misdemeanour is a potential mountain. The ramifications of Symonds' bust-up are no longer just a sore head and a short suspension; players now have responsibilities to their sponsors and the brands they represent. Whether they like it or not, they will have to alter their public behaviour to avoid being mired in scandal. From now on, Boon's beer record could be as untouchable as the Don's batting average.

It’s a feeling that can't be explained. I have an analogy that might help put it into context. You are one piece away from finishing the 20,000 piece jigsaw puzzle your grandmother brought you for Christmas. I know what you’re thinking - Just give me the cash for Christmas ... kicking me in the shins would have been a better present! Anyway, you're one piece away from finishing the worst Christmas gift ever and it’s nowhere to be found ... Where the (expletives) is it!!?? For hours and hours you've toiled away, and you're one piece away from mastering the puzzle!! You ask questions of yourself. What have I done to deserve this? Why me? Who can I kill? Why does the MCG catering staff continue to give us these macadamia nut low fat muffins? Where are the chocolate ones?

Warne was a lover, not a fighter, and the British tabloids loved him for it, time after indiscreet time. Symonds is a fighter, which can be all the more damaging, so he would do well to take on board some of Warne's hard-earned lessons about staying out of trouble and out of the spotlight. It got to the stage later in his career when Warne would forsake the bars and clubs and simply invite a few mates to his hotel room to share a bottle or two of red wine.

Andrew Symonds was downing beers at a swank rooftop party in Bangladesh when they approached him. Two Aussie backpackers whose entire salaries had been siphoned into following 11 Baggy Greens across the subcontinent. But now they were here. Invited into the inner sanctum by tour officials. Standing with beers in hand before their hero Roy.