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Thanks for the permission. We disagree. Twitter's for publishing photographs of yourself drinking coffee - as if anyone, anywhere, might actually give a toss about that.

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Sometimes you don't even have to make the effort to ensure you're in shot.

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That particular ritual is of course just one part of the non-playing Pietersen's packed itinerary.

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But Twitter's not just for coffee-drinking photos and emoji overdoses. If you follow as many professional cricketers as we do, you'll be well aware that it's also for flogging stuff. Sunglasses, protein powder, sportswear - or, if you're a Test Match Special commentator, you might restrict yourself to giving away car tyres…

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Obviously Twitter's for publishing pictures of yourself too. This column has two questions about Umar Akmal's output.

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Who takes all these endless pictures of him? And why aren't they sick of it yet?

Here's a more striking photographic effort - God mimicking the son of God.

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What else can you do on Twitter?

Rob Key's trying to learn about supercompensation.

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Jimmy Neesham's using the platform to express his frustration with the assumptions made by modern technology.

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And Jason Gillespie has been using it to give a warm welcome to new players arriving at the club.

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When even Jason Gillespie's mocking your hair styling, you know you've made a poor decision.

Of course if you're a cricketer, the most obvious thing you can do via Twitter is complain about air travel.

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Could have been worse, you could have been left entirely flopless.

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At least those two were allowed onto the plane.

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