Thanks for the permission. We disagree. Twitter's for publishing photographs of yourself drinking coffee - as if anyone, anywhere, might actually give a toss about that.

Sometimes you don't even have to make the effort to ensure you're in shot.

That particular ritual is of course just one part of the non-playing Pietersen's packed itinerary.

But Twitter's not just for coffee-drinking photos and emoji overdoses. If you follow as many professional cricketers as we do, you'll be well aware that it's also for flogging stuff. Sunglasses, protein powder, sportswear - or, if you're a Test Match Special commentator, you might restrict yourself to giving away car tyres…

Obviously Twitter's for publishing pictures of yourself too. This column has two questions about Umar Akmal's output.

Who takes all these endless pictures of him? And why aren't they sick of it yet?

Here's a more striking photographic effort - God mimicking the son of God.

What else can you do on Twitter?

Rob Key's trying to learn about supercompensation.

Jimmy Neesham's using the platform to express his frustration with the assumptions made by modern technology.

And Jason Gillespie has been using it to give a warm welcome to new players arriving at the club.

When even Jason Gillespie's mocking your hair styling, you know you've made a poor decision.

Of course if you're a cricketer, the most obvious thing you can do via Twitter is complain about air travel.

Could have been worse, you could have been left entirely flopless.

At least those two were allowed onto the plane.

Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket