A team to match the Aussies

Injury-hit and inexperienced, the USA may not be thanking the International Cricket Council for the charming experience they have had at the Champions Trophy. New Zealand may have flattened them, but at least that occasion bore some passing resemblance to a cricket match.

This, on the other hand, was something else entirely. Australia, ruthless as ever, stuck USA in on a damp pitch under cloudy skies with a stiff Southampton breeze blowing across the Rose Bowl. Rohan Alexander and Mark Johnson walked out to ironic cheers from a crowd of a couple of hundred. Then and there, they had no chance whatsoever.

But there was one team at the ground that could have given the Aussies a decent run for their money. All you needed to do is nip up to the commentary box, and you could have put together a team on which you could wager the odd pound. An early bird into the commentary boxes was Nasser Hussain, and he'd get onto the list just for the manner in which he got up Australian noses for his entire career. Once Nasser had picked up his coffee and settled in to work, the others began to trickle in.

Ian Chappell arrived soon after, and you can pencil him in to your teamsheet. For orthodoxy and some limpet-like batting in tough conditions, there was Sanjay Manjrekar. India had a second representative in Arun Lal, and his opening partner would have to be the irrepressible Michael Slater.

For sheer elegance and batting excellence Greg Chappell joins his brother in the team. The media squad on the day was Australia-heavy, but then again who better to dish it out to the Aussies than a few of their own. Dean Jones, that old master of the shorter game, shoehorns into a packed top order. Sri Lanka's Ranjit Fernando, safe yet unspectacular, has to keep wicket.

The problem for this broadcasters' XI is the bowling department. Whispering Death himself, Michael Holding, leads it magnificently, but there isn't any back-up. This would force the team to dip into the press box and persuade Angus Fraser to start that seemingly endless uphill trudge one more time. While we're sneaking bowlers into the side we'll have to drag in Ravi Shastri for his left-arm spin, though he had just left the Rose Bowl to do another game elsewhere.

Ian Chappell wins the captaincy, ahead of his brother, mostly on his ability to spin a yarn and slug a beer or five. And that is just what Richard Staple and his team needed soon after they were blown to smithereens by Australia. Brett Lee gave them a vigorous shake at the top of the innings and Michael Kasprowicz, whose international career was as good as over not a year ago, tucked in. Kasprowicz bagged 4 for 14 - including a scything period in the middle overs when he snagged four wickets in just 15 balls - and sent America crashing to 65 all out, a total that was padded generously by 14 extras. Steve Massiah made 23, including a pull and a pleasing on-drive, but none of his colleagues reached double figures.

The Australian batting, aka Murder Part 2, was a joyous romp, and the game was done and dusted before it was time for lunch. Australia knocked off the runs in under eight overs, for the loss of one wicket. As one fan put it: "Twenty20 matches last longer than this." And they're easier on the eye, for no cricket fan likes to see a group of players outclassed in such embarrassing fashion.

Broadcasters' XI
1 Michael Slater, 2 Arun Lal, 3 Greg Chappell, 4 Ian Chappell (capt), 5 Dean Jones, 6 Sanjay Manjrekar, 7 Nasser Hussain, 8 Ravi Shastri, 9 Ranjit Fernando (wk), 10 Michael Holding, 11 Angus Fraser.