Yorkshire's finest react to Championship win
In which we imagine how legendary Yorkies might be responding to the County Championship triumph (it's all made-up, tha knows…)
Alan Tyers
22-Sep-2014
"We never patted bums during our time" • PA Photos
Alan Bennett
"We used to come and watch the cricket, mam and me, but we never had anything so fancy as a County Championship title. I mentioned it to Tim Bresnan the other day when were in the refectory at Debenhams, the slow, sad strangeness of it all, being on top of a table, rather like a discarded Bath Oliver left too long without being dunked in a cup of tea. Poor Tim got quite upset about the thought of an uneaten biscuit, but it all seemed to turn out all right in the end, as these things sometimes do."
"We used to come and watch the cricket, mam and me, but we never had anything so fancy as a County Championship title. I mentioned it to Tim Bresnan the other day when were in the refectory at Debenhams, the slow, sad strangeness of it all, being on top of a table, rather like a discarded Bath Oliver left too long without being dunked in a cup of tea. Poor Tim got quite upset about the thought of an uneaten biscuit, but it all seemed to turn out all right in the end, as these things sometimes do."
Geoffrey Boycott
"We might have finished on top of the table but have we got a No. 1 record at the top of the charts like young Katy Perry? Very good player, although how she would have got on against Fred Trueman, I'm not so sure. I can't see Katy being too comfortable on covered wickets."
"We might have finished on top of the table but have we got a No. 1 record at the top of the charts like young Katy Perry? Very good player, although how she would have got on against Fred Trueman, I'm not so sure. I can't see Katy being too comfortable on covered wickets."
Brian Close
"Soft jessies, carrying that trophy around over their heads. I would hit myself in the face repeatedly with the trophy every morning until I was bleeding, but you never heard me complain. It toughened me up."
"Soft jessies, carrying that trophy around over their heads. I would hit myself in the face repeatedly with the trophy every morning until I was bleeding, but you never heard me complain. It toughened me up."
Michael Parkinson
"I remember saying to Muhammad Ali, "Well, the thing about Yorkshire County Cricket Club winning the title, Muhammad, is that, of course, it would not be the same without my having been there to watch it, and he interrupted me to say: "I don't care about that, please, will you leave me alone." Well, that was typical of Ali's mischievous sense of humour, of course, so I turned to Liz Taylor and said, "Did I ever tell you about the time I took 4 for 17 at Barnsley?" and she just sighed and walked away without a word. I suspect that she was in love with me. I know I was."
"I remember saying to Muhammad Ali, "Well, the thing about Yorkshire County Cricket Club winning the title, Muhammad, is that, of course, it would not be the same without my having been there to watch it, and he interrupted me to say: "I don't care about that, please, will you leave me alone." Well, that was typical of Ali's mischievous sense of humour, of course, so I turned to Liz Taylor and said, "Did I ever tell you about the time I took 4 for 17 at Barnsley?" and she just sighed and walked away without a word. I suspect that she was in love with me. I know I was."
Michael Vaughan
"It's an impressive achievement, but is it up there with coming joint ninth alongside Jenny Éclair in the third series of celebrity taxidermy when I saw off a strong challenge from Joe Pasquale by producing my signature stuffed vole when the chips were down? I'm not so sure."
"It's an impressive achievement, but is it up there with coming joint ninth alongside Jenny Éclair in the third series of celebrity taxidermy when I saw off a strong challenge from Joe Pasquale by producing my signature stuffed vole when the chips were down? I'm not so sure."
Jeremy Paxman
"Both of our openers should be playing for England. Will they be selected? Answer the question, chief selector. Will you be selecting Adam Lyth and Alex Lees or not? It's a perfectly simple question: answer it."
"Both of our openers should be playing for England. Will they be selected? Answer the question, chief selector. Will you be selecting Adam Lyth and Alex Lees or not? It's a perfectly simple question: answer it."
Kevin Keegan
"I would love it, love it if we beat them. Oh, we already have? Oh, right. It's understandable that people are keeping one eye on the pot and another up the chimney, but the tide's in our court now, if you like, and everything will be totally the same and completely different from now on."
"I would love it, love it if we beat them. Oh, we already have? Oh, right. It's understandable that people are keeping one eye on the pot and another up the chimney, but the tide's in our court now, if you like, and everything will be totally the same and completely different from now on."
Nick Clegg
"I said all along that I liked cricket, or at least once David Cameron told me that I liked cricket I realised that I did."
"I said all along that I liked cricket, or at least once David Cameron told me that I liked cricket I realised that I did."
ECB spokesman
"Unexpected Yorkshire captain in the de-bagging area! Exterminate! Exterminate!"
"Unexpected Yorkshire captain in the de-bagging area! Exterminate! Exterminate!"
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