'I'm so hungry I could eat my own spaghetti bolognese'

The very specific gripe
Mitchell Starc's having a go at observational humour.

"Sick of hotel laundry services that either take the draw string out of shorts and don't return it or in this case take the top button off!"
@mstarc56

We've all been there.

The omission
Martin Guptill didn't play against Pakistan.

"Disappointing not to be playing in todays game. Thats just part of sport I guess!"
@Martyguptill

Unfortunately not, Martin. Sport's precisely the bit you weren't involved with that day.

The footwear
And that wasn't the only bad news Guptill received this week.

"Jandal blew out today. #heartbroken"
@Martyguptill

May their soles rest in peace.

The positivity
Chamara Kapugedara isn't getting ahead of himself.

"One day it's sunny next it's raining. Just like life,"
@chamarakapu

Remember that, everybody. Just because you're having fun today doesn't mean you aren't going to get dropped and break your jandals tomorrow.

The cook
They call Alastair Cook "Chef" for obvious reasons. Graeme Swann is not fighting him for the name.

"I'm so hungry I could eat my own spaghetti bolognese, which is currently the worst meal ever prepared by a human being."
@Swannyg66

"I do make an incredible full English breakfast and I stand by my fajitas, but that bolognese...gave it to the wife once, she nearly left me."

"..put the leftovers in the cat bowls.They both took one sniff and ignored me for a week.1 of them even dropped their shopping on my flipflop"

Your jandal, you mean? Tough times.

The recommendation
Do you trust Darren Lehmann?

"Best hairdressers in Qld at ORB are chanelle and Keith ! Good people they will look after you ! Newfarm !"
@darren_lehmann

Do you trust the completely bald Darren Lehmann?

The eye-catching performance
Tim Bresnan reports on the England team's preparations.

"Excited about the game tonight. Few of the lads are too by the looks. Can tell we are on the telly. Plenty of hair gel on this bus. #intent"
@timbresnan

Referring to anyone in particular?

"@lukewright204 if u and I crank out the wet look hair gel and our satan shirts we've got a chance of bringing back the boy band days."
@Jwd_16 (Jade Dernbach)

Either Jade means "satin" or he's got a funny idea of what constitutes a boy band.

The momentum
AB de Villiers thinks South Africa have it this week.

"Strong performance tonight. Amazing how powerful momentum is in sport, the key obviously to get it & not to let it go. Improving every game"
@ABdeVilliers17

What happens if you let go? Does everything stop? If you have to provide the force to keep something moving, there isn't much in the way of momentum?

Tino Best's modesty corner
How do you feel about Tino Best?

"Hate is Confused Admiration ...so who hates me really do Admire me hahaha #KeepItReal #Haters"
@tinobest

That doesn't leave people many options, Tino.

What's your philosophy?
Lonwabo Tsotsobe has nautical confidence.

"Confidence cums nt from always being right,bt nt fearing 2 be wrong.When u can't change da direction of da wind,adjust ur sails! Nyt tweeps"
@LonwaboTsotsobe

But remember, sail adjustment is purely a last resort for those rare occasions when you can't adjust the direction of the wind.

And what's your philosophy?
Shaun Pollock shares even more from his bottomless pit of wisdom.

"A person's most useful assets are a heart full of love, an ear open to listen and a hand with a willingness to help."
@7polly7

Or how about "a stomach to withstand trite, righteous drivel"? Also, does the brain not warrant a mention? No?