'Shall I have my sausages now or wait until morning?'
Desperate questions are posed in this week's Twitter round-up
The non-bestial weekend
Ramnaresh Sarwan has been relaxing.
"Had a great weekend, time to go back into beast mode."
@ronniesarwan
Why on earth would you spend the weekend outside beast mode if that option is available to you?
The dinner
Brad Hogg's developed an eating disorder.
"Hate it when you wear a white shirt to a restaurant and the gravy misses the mouth. #stains"
@Brad_Hogg
You make it sound like the gravy's the one responsible for aiming.
The bill
Shaun Marsh has spotted another Brad Hogg dining irregularity.
"Not sure why @Brad_Hogg put his buffet dinner on his room tonight when we ate at a different hotel!! #runner"
@shaunmarsh9
Well, would you willingly pay for such badly behaved gravy?
The training regime
Jimmy Anderson's keeping himself limber.
"Had an amazing workout this aft at Antz in your Pantz. Their big slide is brilliant! I'll seriously think about taking the kids next time."
@JimmyAnderson9
It's all about sliding these days. Are today's children not satisfied with a good, old-fashioned long barrier?
The bereft
Thirty-seven-year-old Gary Keedy is leaving for Surrey after 15 years at Lancashire. This appears to have dealt a major blow to the social life of the equally middle-aged Glen Chapple.
"@keeds23 you've ruined coffee club!"
@chappie03
Clearly the first rule of Coffee Club isn't: "You do not talk about Coffee Club." It's probably more like: "Don't arrive any later than 2.30pm for Coffee Club because some of us have to leave Coffee Club at 3pm to pick up the kids from school."
The penny pincher
David Warner's pleading poverty.
"When I was little I was scared of the dark, just got my latest electricity bills and now I'm scared of the lights!!"
@davidwarner31
Unless your bill includes some stadium floodlights, we're pretty sure you can afford it.
The air miles
Kevin Pietersen's travelling.
Couldn't you just use a telephone? You're wasting more energy than David Warner's billion-watt light bulbs.
The film wrecker
After inadvertently revealing a plot point from Taken 2, which he reviewed last week ("very decent"), Stuart Broad took it upon himself to spoil a number of other films as well.
"A giant shark goes around terrorising people in a film called Jaws... #filmwrecker"
@StuartBroad8
"In Saving Private Ryan, they manage to save Private Ryan... #filmwrecker"
"They find Nemo... #filmwrecker"
The delayed gratification
Graham Onions is in a quandary.
"Shall I have my waitrose sausages now or wait until the morning? #excited"
@BunnyOnions
Go with sausage and mash. You can bet that Onions makes good gravy.
What's your philosophy?
Vernon Philander's keeping upbeat.
Are South Africa looking to win in Australia later this year or are they looking to "win"?
Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket
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