'About to smash a butter chicken, with 4000 pieces of garlic naan'

The political campaign
Shane Warne's got at least one policy.

"I think the weekends should be 3 days, let's start making Mon the last day of the weekend, work days are tue,wed,thu,fri ! #WarneforPM haha"
@warne888

Vote for Warne if you want to see the nation's GDP drop by 20%.

The voyeur
Brett Lee likes to watch people sleep.

"Good to see the great man @rtendo27 get some serious kip in on the flight down #freshasadaisy"
@BrettLee_58

What a spectacle. Did the airline not provide a film or an in-flight magazine?

The victim
Chamara Kapugedera appears to be a keen ornithologist.

"Washing my car now. It's covered with crow shit... Only parked outside for 2 hours...."
@Chamarakapu

It was definitely crows? Do you recognise the colour and consistency or something?

The comeback
Jason Gillespie was a substitute fielder.

"For those who have asked what it was like to be on field, even for one ball? #sweatypalms"
@YCCCDizzy

Not great for reverse swing.

The team
Graeme Swann has very specific ideas about people and their taste in music.

"iPod shuffle has been kind to me this morning. Underdog by Turin Brakes followed by Oasis' Sad Song. #realmenlikeguitars"
@Swannyg66

So what does that make Stuart Broad?

"Cant stop playing the pretend piano to Swedish House Mafias new tune, is it even a piano in it? #click"
@StuartBroad8

Will this difference of opinion bring another round of internecine strife to Team England?

The fact
Graham Onions has a fact.

"Packing is killing me!also tightening studs into your boots is 'the worst' thing in the world #fact"
@BunnyOnions

That is not a fact. That is very, very far from being a fact.

The early riser
Jonny Bairstow's got an early start.

"Up at 540...wow i have no idea how all of you do it day in day out!"
@jbairstow21

We don't.

What's your philosophy?
Hashim Amla is appreciative.

"Guess there r lessons that cross us everyday. Amongst others,today I feel its appreciating those around u no matter how small they are."
@amlahash

No matter how small and insignificant he deems you to be, Hashim Amla nevertheless appreciates you.

The destruction
For all of you wondering whether cricketers have learnt to eat normally yet, or whether they still feel the need to "smash" their food - bad news.

Dale Steyn's smashing food.

"Traditional 4am pie and coke smashed!"
@DaleSteyn62

So's Mitchell Marsh.

"About to smash a butter chicken, with 4000 pieces of garlic naan.. #stepintomyoffice #thanksforcoming"
@mitchmarsh235

And Shane Warne.

"About to smash a large Hawaiian pizza...."
@warne888

The carbs
At least Brad Hogg managed to avoid the phrase. Maybe it's because he's middle-aged.

"Good breakfast for someone trying to lose weight and get back into shape! Hash browns 4 donuts eaten in 3 min #scales"
@Brad_Hogg

Last week, Brad was accused of putting a buffet meal on his room bill, even though he wasn't staying in that particular hotel. Is he actually paying for his meals now?

"Breakfast with @johnt237, paying the bill with loose shrapnel, I said "keep the change" being charitable! I was short 3 rand. #tightas"

Almost.

The smashed
Ajmal Shahzad bucked the trend. In the man v food battle, he was on the receiving end.

"Massive mistake ordering my Thai chicken salad with plenty of chilli #mouthonfire"
@AJShahzad