'They didn't have the women's pink Dove bottle you wanted'

The lack of context
Ramnaresh Sarwan has something to share with us.

"Early morning movements!"
@ronniesarwan

Dread to think what he's referring to.

The courier
Not entirely sure what this is about either. Paul Collingwood appears to be importing goods for Stuart Broad.

"All packed for India with @StuartBroad8 special requests, something exotic to keep the tummy bugs away and some ladies dove deodorant #wtf"
@Colly622

Explain that one away, Stuart.

"@Colly622 Much appreciated Paul. Id love to say the dove is for a stunning lady friend of mine... but id be lying. #smellsdecent"
@StuartBroad8

Colly had to make an executive decision on this issue as well.

"@StuartBroad8 They didn't have the womens pink Dove bottle you wanted so I got you the original (grey top) one #wtf"
@Colly622

The brave diner
Last week, Scott Styris was sledged by food, but Queensland's Ben Cutting is clearly unfazed by such things.

"I had double roasted duck for dinner last night before batting today. Talk about living on the edge."
@Cuttsy31

The backup plan
During the first Test between Australia and South Africa, Damien Fleming saw some tactics that wouldn't have made the headlines had they been leaked beforehand.

"Conveniently left out of leaked how to dismiss South African dossier Bombard Amla/Kallis with line+length from Mr Cricket + Bobby Q #AUSvSA"
@bowlologist

The senior pro
Tim Bresnan's feeling his age.

"Felt old the other night when @joeroot05 said the first single he bought was Busted, year 3000. #feelingoldLAD"
@timbresnan

Comfort yourself with the thought that everyone gets old, but not everyone has phenomenally bad taste in music.

The phenomenally bad taste in music
For example, Stuart Broad's older than Joe Root and has similarly poor taste.

"In the Dry state of Ahmedabad, its amazing what fun can be created out of a sing along to Take That Greatest Hits! #backforgood"
@StuartBroad8

The motivational speaker
Tino Best is building people's self-confidence.

"Congrats Hashim Amla 5000tests run #topClass ....#respect ...don't matter what people say always believe in your self boss #talkischeap"
@tinobest

Wait. Exactly what do people say about Hashim Amla? Pretty much everyone agrees that he's one of the finest batsmen around, don't they?

The film review
With Danielle Wyatt.

"Just seen Skyfall. Good film, abit slow at times .. Daniel craig is fit!"
@Danni_Wyatt

Getting to know God
Those looking for controversy will be disappointed that we haven't heard from Sachin Tendulkar recently. In fact, he hasn't tweeted since the 4th of October. He didn't even wish everyone a happy Diwali. That probably means he wants you to have a miserable Diwali. He almost certainly hates you.

What's your philosophy?
It's easiest to just stick with Shaun Pollock for this feature. He's always got something.

"Often the things we FEAR are just False Evidence Appearing Real!!"
@7polly7

That's some pretty cumbersome wordplay there, Shaun. Wait, he's got something else for us. Bet this is going to be boring.

"The trouble with many of us is that we come to a conclusion before we arrive at the end."

Or maybe the problem is that those conclusions are so rarely proved incorrect. Personally I regret reading right the way to the end and it wasn't even the full 140 characters.

Nando's Watch
Chris Gayle's weighed up his options.

"Look like its Nandos for dinner tonight!"
@henrygayle

Well, it never seems to leave cricketers feeling disappointed, so that's probably a good choice.

"In life always have a back up plan- mine is room service right now, cause that nandos been running a marathon- its very tired!!!"

And he calls himself a cricketer? Let the Gayle retirement rumours start here.