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S Sreesanth is one of 10 members of the ODI squad who are touring West Indies for the first time
© Getty Images
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So you cyah swing a few tickets for the boys? Ent you in tight with them fellas on the Board?" Less than two weeks from the official start of the rainy season, the really competitive part of the international cricket season in the Caribbean begins tomorrow in Kingston. No wonder every Tom, Dawud and Harripaul is trying every which way to get in on the action for the final two one-day international's between West Indies and India at the Queen's Park Oval.
Too late, and not even us freeloaders in the media are of much help.
Tickets for those matches on the following weekend (May 26 and 28) were apparently sold out sometime ago, and judging by the amount of noise generated by 5000 or so fans last weekend for virtual no-contests against Zimbabwe, the atmosphere will be nothing short of boisterous in nine days' time.
Whereas the Zimbabweans are virtual unknowns on the global stage, the Indians - even without the injured Sachin Tendulkar - have more than their fair share of players of considerable international stature.
The likes of S Sreesanth, Rudra Pratap Singh, Ramesh Powar and Munaf Patel may have some fans wondering if they bat, bowl or sell doubles in the Croisee, but everyone else in their 15-man squad is a household name, not least because the Indian authorities have been throwing their weight and their team around in pursuit of more and more lucrative Test and especially one-day international (ODI) series.
Last week's announcement of an agreement between the West Indian and Indian Boards to stage an annual one-day series in North America is the latest example of that dash for cash. It has been presented as a partnership between two established powers for the sake of spreading the gospel of the game and aiding its development in the United States and Canada.
Apparently, the tourists felt it would be far too taxing to play on successive days in the Caribbean. Yet only last month in Abu Dhabi, which I suspect would be quite warm even in April, they were happy to take on Pakistan in two matches in two days to mark the international debut of the Sheikh Zayed Stadium
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But everyone knows that cricket's hierarchy has been searching desperately for a way of tapping into the most lucrative market on the planet. That's why India and Pakistan were involved in something called the Sahara Cup in Toronto for a few years until another flare-up of hostilities in Kashmir in 1999 put an end to that money-spinner.
It's all about sponsorship and television rights these days, and with an Indian market of over one billion mainly cricket-mad people, their administrators are fully intent on making the most of essentially propping up the game and have no problems with twisting the arms of those on a West Indies Board who are essentially holding out the begging bowl.
Have you noticed that none of the five one-day internationals are being played back-to-back? Apparently, the tourists felt it would be far too taxing to play on successive days in the Caribbean. Yet only last month in Abu Dhabi, which I suspect would be quite warm even in April, they were happy to take on Pakistan in two matches in two days to mark the international debut of the Sheikh Zayed Stadium.
So for reasons more than just cricket, this is a big tour that will become considerably more high profile if Sachin Tendulkar is passed fit to join the squad for the four-Test series next month.
Yet for all of their impressive record of 18 wins in their last 24 ODIs and third spot in the international rankings, the eighth-rated West Indies have no reason to be overawed at the prospect of taking on the star boys from the subcontinent.
True, they were 2-1 winners of the rain-ruined limited-over duel on their last tour of the Caribbean four years ago. But West Indies then went to India at the end of that same year, and after losing the Test series 2-0, took the one-day contest 4-3.

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'The last time they met in Sri Lanka ten months ago, a depleted West Indies side fell just eight runs short of defeating India in and qualifying to face Sri Lanka in the final'
© AFP
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The last time they met in Sri Lanka ten months ago, a depleted West Indies side fell just eight runs short of defeating India in the last preliminary match and qualifying to face the hosts in the final.
For Marvan Atapattu, the Sri Lankan captain, to state at the time that he was happy to avoid the Caribbean side in the decider - an opinion reinforced by India's capitulation when well-poised for victory in the final - was a striking testament to the competitiveness of a team given no chance against such experienced opponents.
But ten months in international cricket is a long time and the confidence levels of the Indians have improved considerably in the intervening period under the captaincy of the classy, courageous Rahul Dravid and the coaching guidance of Greg Chappell.
Chappell could very well have been the West Indies coach if the regional administrators had bought into his idea of an all-encompassing programme to redevelop the game here.
After all the bacchanal involving himself and then captain Sourav Ganguly last year, he may have occasionally thought again about the Caribbean option, where media storms are like afternoon showers, intense but short-lived.
Chappell's greatest challenge on this tour would seem to be in the heads of his players, given the preoccupation with a historical experience of cricket in the West Indies that seems defined by injuries inflicted by demonic fast bowlers on allegedly treacherous pitches.
The fact that they have been practising in Jamaica with odd-shaped balls to replicate awkward bounce seems almost like the relentless pursuit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is a legacy of trepidation that gives the West Indies more than a fighting chance.