Parkinson: On Dickie Bird - Extract (30 Oct 95)

Extract from Michael Parkinson`s column, Daily Telegraph 30 Oct 1995.

[On Harold "Dickie" Bird]

I always seek out Dickie when I return to Barnsley. He is not only a friend but one of my favourite men. I met him nearly 50 years ago when we played in the same cricket team and he hasn`t changed. He still witters his way through life convinced the gods of cricket have made him a lightning conductor for misfortune. If it isn`t leaking drains and bomb scares it is streakers and sun reflecting from windows. Now he`s off to Australia to umpire two of the three Tests against Pakistan which, as everyone knows, are unlikely to pass off without incident.

It will need a strong and wise man to be in charge of what might happen when Salim Malik comes out to bat against Shane Warne and others wearing the baggy green cap who specialise in making opponents feel unwelcome. Even players they admire are given the treatment. What the Australians have in store for a cricketer they hold in contempt is something umpire Bird will shortly have to deal with.

He will need all the strength of character and robust will he showed against Dennis Lillee on one famous occasion when he turned down four consecutive appeals for lbw. After the fourth rejection Lillee, who by this time was on his knees imploring umpire Bird to raise his finger, cried: "Dickie, you might be the best umpire in the world but you can also be an effing pain in the arse." To which Dickie replied, in equally loud tones: "Dennis, you are not only the best fast bowler I have ever seen but also a loud-mouthed Aussie bastard." The two men looked at each other and smiled. And then Dickie said: "And it`s still not out."

Source :: Daily Telegraph