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BCCI in couples counselling with Cricket South Africa

And Ajmal congratulates journalists for not misquoting him in this week's alternative news round up

R Rajkumar
Sunil Gavaskar and Allan Border share a light moment during the tea break, India v Australia, 1st Test, Chennai, 1st day, February 22, 2013

"And wait till you see me do the Gangnam"  •  BCCI

Ajmal insists he was quoted within context
Saeed Ajmal insists his controversial comments about Dav Whatmore's coaching methods have been taken well within context.
"Allegations that I made disparaging remarks about Dav Whatmore's role as coach of Pakistan are unfounded," declared the spinner. "Please understand that they are not allegations at all but actual fact. When I said the only difference between Whatmore and some of our other Pakistan coaches is that Whatmore is being paid more, I meant exactly that and nothing else.
"As for what I supposedly said about him having language difficulties here," the offie continued, "it's no secret that you people in the press like to twist my words around to make it seem as though I said something other than what was intended. Rest assured that didn't happen this time. Thank you for your journalistic integrity."
Gavaskar labouring under impression that his imitation Caribbean accent is good
Given to suddenly breaking into a West Indian accent without warning, Gavaskar has caused fans and fellow commentators, especially Caribbean ones, acute embarrassment, a fact that the legendary batsman somehow continues to remain oblivious to. "Oh we just let it slide when it happens," said Ian Bishop. "It's something we're becoming increasingly used to in Sunny's advancing years."
"Wha yuh a duh, mon? Evertin' **** [indecipherable]," interrupted Sunil, prompting polite laughter and even some applause from Bishop and some other West Indian players.
Misunderstanding, poor technique lead to dropped catch in crowd
An unfortunate misunderstanding led to a catch being dropped in the stands during the Champions League Twenty20 semi-final between Mumbai Indians and Trinidad & Tobago.
Witnesses cited a lack of communication between two fans as both of them tried to settle under a ball that had been hit for six. One man neglected to tell his wife to get out of the way and ended up falling spreadeagled across her lap, while the other used poor technique in trying to catch the ball with just one hand while his other held his cell phone to his ear, in the process smashing his fingers.
In the event, the ball fell between them and was never seen again as an old woman calmly slipped it into her purse.
BCCI in couples counselling with CSA
The BCCI continues to hold it over Cricket South Africa for announcing the schedule of matches for India's proposed tour without their consulting it, an act that has put a strain on the traditionally close bedfellows.
"It's many small issues that have been adding up over the years, haven't they?" the BCCI said, turning to its South African counterpart when the two met a couples therapist. "For example, you used to always let me know if you were going to be coming back late, and who you were appointing as your board president."
"Ugh, you want to talk about who's seeing who behind the other's back?" countered CSA. "Does the name WICB ring a bell? Yeah, didn't think I knew about that one, did you? Clandestinely arranging meetings behind my back. I don't even know what you see in that two-bit hussy."
Shock, outrage at batsman's choice of favourite song
On the arrival of a new batsman to the crease, it has become a bit of a gimmick for TV broadcasters to feature, along with his usual career stats, such things as his favourite song, movie, or preferred bath-time toy.
But when M Vijay's favourite song, "Suicide Solution" by Ozzy Osbourne, appeared on TV screens around the world, it had the broadcasters scrambling to explain the choice to shocked viewers. The song has been controversial in the past for allegedly inciting impressionable youngsters to commit suicide, a charge that Osbourne was even taken to court for. When asked to explain, the miserably-out-of-form Vijay revealed that "Suicide Solution" hadn't in fact been his choice for favourite song after all (that honour apparently goes to Boney M's "Hooray! Hooray! It's a Holi-Holiday!"), and that the Osbourne song had been MS Dhoni's idea. "Skip said that this song was to remind myself that I shouldn't stick around for too long if the runs aren't coming," mumbled a depressed-looking Vijay, staring at the floor. "Excuse me, I'm going to go change into something black now."
Face paint leads to lifestyle choice
A man who wore face paint to a ground to express his solidarity with the team he was supporting found that he was reluctant to wash it off after the game was done. In fact, he was busted later in the night by his wife while trying on some of her fmake-up. "I just like the way it feels," the man protested. "It's almost like a mask, something I can hide behind, that's all," he said, before admitting that that didn't explain the other items belonging to his wife that he was also wearing, like her high heels and jewellery.

R Rajkumar tweets here.
All quotes and "facts" in this piece are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?