Moves for Modi
What's a poor IPL commissioner to do if he is not IPL commissioner anymore? We've got a few suggestions
Lead India's Save the Tiger* project. Modi can generate money through gladiator v tiger fights, persuade the tigers to allow every alternate stripe on their pelts to be used for advertisements, and get cheerleaders to entertain tourists in wildlife reserves and double up as tiger food. But his stroke of genius will be suspending a tiger in the air during the most compelling events in Indian television - Parliament sessions. While politicians bicker and throw mikes at each other, the camera will pan to the noble beast and the news anchor will tell us why it is at the forefront of the animal kingdom and how Dennis Lillee once tried to race against one. It may not increase the tiger population but will keep the issue firmly in the nation's consciousness forever. And maybe even keep the MPs in check.
Do nothing. Laze on a yacht in the Caribbean with Preity Zinta and Shilpa Shetty, sticking pins into a voodoo doll of Chirayu Amin.
Take over the ICL. Turn it into the IPL. Then go after the current IPL. Reduce it to "a-man-and-his-dog-watching" event. After it's destroyed, give amnesty to its players. Invite them to the new tournament. Make it an over-the-top, in-your-face bottomless pit of money, glamour and mindless advertising. Come up with impossibly complicated bidding processes and let all the important papers relating to the tournament disappear. What? He's already done all this? You could have stopped us at ICL.
Become Nick Clegg's campaign strategist. After two televised debates, the Lib Dem leader is said to have emerged the most popular candidate in the UK election campaign. But he needs to do more to break the nation's two-party stronghold. Dial LKM. Modi's first bit of advice to Clegg: "My good man, get off Twitter." He will add, though: "But never be seen in public without a BlackBerry." Plus, of course, get movie stars to support your campaign, give them sops after you come to power, and derive your inspiration from The Little Zen Companion.
Star in a reality show about himself: Living with a Megalomaniac. A camera will follow Modi while he meets and tweets with politicians, the real franchise owners, and mysterious South African models; indulges in some courtroom action, suing everybody who doesn't refer to him as Commissioner Modi (with a capital 'C') in their articles, broadcasts and chargesheets. Wouldn't that be more fun to watch than SRK babbling on about "living inside the character" and how "having a private jet is like having email"?
Write a self-help book, Financial Advice for Those Who Hate Reading Documents, with a foreword by renowned investment advisor Bernie Madoff. The tome will include tips on how to avoid income-tax raids (three-year guarantee), how to distribute stocks among your loved ones, and what information to keep on your personal laptop. Free copies will be distributed to BCCI and IPL governing council members.
Become a journalist and ask Sharad Pawar and Co. all the tough questions that only he has the answers to.
* No tiger was harmed in the making of this entry; but we apologise if any were offended by the suggestion that cheerleaders be added to their menu.
Read in App
Elevate your reading experience on ESPNcricinfo App.