Fun

Calling Twenty20 a bit of fun and then comparing it to WWE, before going on to reach a second World Twenty20 final, like Younis Khan did. Now that's the sort of irony we're looking for.

Pressure

Not calling Twenty20 fun, and instead talking about the pressure to perform, bowling in the right areas, and team focus, before making an early exit, like MS Dhoni did. Yawn.

Reverse swing

Not in a Twenty20? Think again, as Daniel Vettori and Co had to , courtesy Umar Gul, whose mastery of the art has put him on top of the tournament's wicket-takers' table.

Reverse paddles

The Dilscoop it ain't. Mahela Jayawardene's reverse paddle, where he strikes the ball with the back of the bat, has been on show twice - both times to no great result.

World Twenty20 post-match presentations

No roaring Shastri, no maximum-maximums award shared between six batsmen who've hit a six apiece, the whole thing done in three minutes… what's not to like?

IPL post-match presentations

Seventeen people on stage to present three awards, the winning captain signing the match ball for a contest winner, plus the virtues mentioned in the other column… what's to like?

Ramping

Tillakaratne Dilshan's audacious new shot - a paddle fine-tuned into a scoop over the keeper's head. Why does it work? Because the Laws of Cricket state you can't place a fielder behind the wicketkeeper. Smart and effective.

Pointing

Stuart Broad's trick of seeming to indicate a fielder is out of position, while running up to bowl, so as to distract the batsman. Why doesn't it work? Because the ICC warned him not to use such "inappropriate tactics". Not even good for a laugh.

England women

Walloped India by 10 wickets after disposing of them efficiently for 112

England men

Got demolished by seven wickets against South Africa after lurching shambolically to 111

National anthems

Bringing a tear to the eyes of the hardest hearted, getting the lagered-up to rise, glasses respectfully held aloft, and players to sing along, hand on heart. Crucially, they're only played once per game.

IPL team songs

Vile confections that consist of the team name shouted repeatedly at stentorian volume, alongside declarations of just what said team will do to opponents. Our ears are still ringing with Deccan's atrocity.

Orange

Oranje, as the Europeans spell it, is the new black, after Dutchmen dressed in said colour beat a hapless England side in the opening game of the World Twenty20. Next game on June 9 v Pakistan (who also favoured neons till a few years ago). Bring your shades.

Red and white

The St George's Cross is not quite the hottest accessory going in cricketing circles. The ECB may be painting it on the faces of supposed MCC members in ads, but it's the combination of the MCC's colours - yellow and red - that overhauled England on the opening day.

Missing the tournament due to drunkenness

Being sent home for an alcohol-related misdemeanour? An oldie but a goodie; works every time.

Missing the tournament due to genital warts

Having to stay at home due to an ailment of a rather unmentionable nature? It doesn't get any more last month.