Ask Andy March 8, 2011

Unravelling the mystery of Kamran Akmal's chirps

Today’s blog consists of the first batch of responses to the Ask Andy questions that you, the reader, have submitted
151

Today’s blog consists of the first batch of responses to the Ask Andy questions that you, the reader, have submitted. I have endeavoured to answer them as honestly and truthfully as possible.

Hi Andy. Please can you find out what Kamran Akmal constantly chirps through the game? Could he just get a T-shirt printed? Kicker of Elves, UK

I have made extensive enquiries through my network of sources throughout international cricket, and there is some disagreement over exactly what Kamran is chirping. Some believe it to be a dictation of the latest chapters of his epic autobiographical novel, The Wicketkeeper Who Came In From The Cold. Some literary critics have accused him of being “far too easily influenced by British spy writer John le Carré”, but Kamran finds it easier to write whilst wicket-keeping, then he goes home, watches the TV coverage of the day’s play, and transcribes the latest thrilling plot twists onto his typewriter.

Others are convinced it is his own translation of the works of 1970s rock group Supertramp, whose songs he believes contain coded words of advice and encouragement for spin bowlers which he is only too keen to relay. Former Pakistan Test player Mansoor Akhtar is alone in thinking that Kamran’s chirps, when played backwards, contain a savage assessment of the actions of the World Bank in failing to alleviate global poverty.

Personally, I believe his chirps to be just that – chirps. Kamran is attempting to summon a bird of prey, in the hope that it will fly behind the bowler’s arm at the moment of delivery, distracting the batsman and resulting in a wicket for his beloved Pakistan.

On the subject of wicketkeepers wearing T-shirts as a sledge-saving device, this has been done. Former Australian gloveman, Tim Zoehrer, found the practicalities of sledging tiresome, so wore a shirt bearing the slogan ‘Batsman, you’re rubbish and your wife is up to no good’. And ex-Kiwi stumspter Warren Lees was known to carry a ghetto blaster onto the pitch, place it behind him, and play pre-recorded sledges recorded for him by the New Zealand Institute Of Personal Insults. Lees explained: “I was never very good at thinking of good sledges whilst ’keeping. It worked fine until I let a Martin Snedden dobber slip through my gloves, and it smashed into the ghetto blaster, conceded 5 runs and left the machine permanently tuned in to an Albanian radio station.”

Is it good if a team-mate makes a comment like 'we want to win for 'Murali' or 'Sachin' or any other great player who is supposedly playing his last World Cup? Akash Verma, India

There is nothing wrong with this. Most of the time. Money has never, ever been a motivating factor for any cricketer, because the game is a bastion of moral purity, so players may find that the best way to ensure optimum performance is by pre-dedicating a tournament win to a cricketing legend, a friend, or a team-mate whose autograph they have always wanted.

However, such comments should arouse suspicion in the following circumstances:

1. If the great player cited is from an opposing team. If, for example, Hansie Cronje had said: “We want to win this World Cup for Salim Malik,” alarm bells would have rightly twanged.

2. If the played cited is under the age of 28, with a reputation for unpopularity. If a team-mate were to say, “This is definitely going to be X’s last World Cup, so we want to make sure he goes out on a high,” and X is a still-promising but conversationally abrasive 23-year-old, it could be construed as a threat.

3. If there is a suspicion that the player who says he wants to ‘win it for Sachin’ is merely replacing the words ‘money, fame and glory’ with the word ‘Sachin’, and has been told that, if he helps his team to victory, he will be given Sachin Tendulkar as a prize, to take home and keep. The offering of human prizes is explicitly prohibited under ICC regulations, and has been ever since Allan Border marched off from the 1987 final with Mike Veletta in his cricket bag, claiming that the young batsman was now his personal slave.

If Oliver Cromwell had had his way in history, how would that have affected the game of cricket as we see it today? AndrewStraussZaltzman

Congratulations on two counts: firstly, for having a name that pays tribute to two of the finest left-handed opening batsmen English cricket has produced in the last 40 years; and secondly, for posing a very interesting question.

Cromwell was renowned not merely for splitting opinion like a banana, but for covering it with ice cream, spraying whipped cream all over it, and plonking a glacé cherry on top. He was also renowned in his time for consistently finishing in last place in the British Party Animal Of The Year awards. He preferred to be a joyless, grinding dirge. So it is fair to assume that a cricketer such as Virender Sehwag would have made Cromwell’s trademark wart burst off his face in disgust. And it is also fair to assume that he would have had signed action photographs of Gary Kirsten batting plastered all over his bedroom wall.

Please refer to an old blog I wrote some time ago in which I selected my World’s Dullest Test XI (part 1 here, part 2 here). The selected players are probably the only cricketers who would have been legally allowed to exist if Cromwell ruled the world.

I think the Irish are onto something. Do you have the figures on world cup batting averages and strike-rates broken down by hair colour? Roger Nash

Sadly, ESPNcricinfo’s otherwise flawless Statsguru is unable to provide this information. (Amongst the marginal statistics it can calculate are: bowling averages for left-arm-spinners who believe in Father Christmas; number of catches taken by fielders who were humming a Ricky Martin song during the bowler’s run-up; and averages of batsmen during innings in which they were thinking about another player’s wife.)

One famous instance from cricketing history in which a player excelled having dyed his hair was Wally Hammond’s famous 240 against Australia at Lord’s in 1938, when the great batsman had dyed his hair green in an effort to impress film actress Marlene Dietrich, whom he thought might come to the game (the dye does not show up in the black-and-white photographs of the game; Dietrich went to watch a county match at Derby instead).

Andy - Following the book signing and the Cricinfo blogs are you becoming a proper cricket celebrity in India? James Waller

No.

Andy Zaltzman is a stand-up comedian, a regular on the BBC Radio 4, and a writer

Comments have now been closed for this article

  • nakshtra on March 22, 2011, 12:18 GMT

    Coolest work man.... great humour.. Akmal's chirrups & ' your wife is up to no good' were best

  • Indranil on March 18, 2011, 7:54 GMT

    At this moment the only Indian player who seems to be remotely interested in winning the world cup for Sachin is Sachin himself. Maybe the others should try and take a lesson from that.!

  • bik on March 16, 2011, 7:49 GMT

    tht was awesome !! most of ur stuff is awesome . dont listen to these idiots who dont understand ur humor .

  • GANGSTER on March 13, 2011, 21:04 GMT

    rubbish article. we need to support the team if we criticize now it gonna be difficult for team.KAMRAN AKMAL forget about past think for tomorrow. we r with you. show your performance n shut the mouths of opponents.

  • Anonymous on March 13, 2011, 19:19 GMT

    BooHooo to those who think the article is bad, I LOVE IT!! Mr. Zaltzman, you're a genius!! :)

  • StatLover on March 13, 2011, 18:52 GMT

    Andy, despite the fact that some of the above comments (from predominantly Kamran 'Dropmaster' Akmal sympathizers) berate this article to make it sound like a 42 for 8 article, it's actually more of a 125 for 2 article.

  • Anonymous on March 12, 2011, 23:30 GMT

    mate ur just chatting crap u think ur funny when ur nt get a life

  • eddie on March 12, 2011, 19:11 GMT

    andy this article is absolutely gold mate. especially the world bank line bahahahaha that was epic.

  • nakiman on March 11, 2011, 3:20 GMT

    I'm not a fan of lambasting players who make mistakes, but this column is very funny.

  • m usman butt on March 10, 2011, 4:53 GMT

    kamran ki waja say match haar gaiy

  • nakshtra on March 22, 2011, 12:18 GMT

    Coolest work man.... great humour.. Akmal's chirrups & ' your wife is up to no good' were best

  • Indranil on March 18, 2011, 7:54 GMT

    At this moment the only Indian player who seems to be remotely interested in winning the world cup for Sachin is Sachin himself. Maybe the others should try and take a lesson from that.!

  • bik on March 16, 2011, 7:49 GMT

    tht was awesome !! most of ur stuff is awesome . dont listen to these idiots who dont understand ur humor .

  • GANGSTER on March 13, 2011, 21:04 GMT

    rubbish article. we need to support the team if we criticize now it gonna be difficult for team.KAMRAN AKMAL forget about past think for tomorrow. we r with you. show your performance n shut the mouths of opponents.

  • Anonymous on March 13, 2011, 19:19 GMT

    BooHooo to those who think the article is bad, I LOVE IT!! Mr. Zaltzman, you're a genius!! :)

  • StatLover on March 13, 2011, 18:52 GMT

    Andy, despite the fact that some of the above comments (from predominantly Kamran 'Dropmaster' Akmal sympathizers) berate this article to make it sound like a 42 for 8 article, it's actually more of a 125 for 2 article.

  • Anonymous on March 12, 2011, 23:30 GMT

    mate ur just chatting crap u think ur funny when ur nt get a life

  • eddie on March 12, 2011, 19:11 GMT

    andy this article is absolutely gold mate. especially the world bank line bahahahaha that was epic.

  • nakiman on March 11, 2011, 3:20 GMT

    I'm not a fan of lambasting players who make mistakes, but this column is very funny.

  • m usman butt on March 10, 2011, 4:53 GMT

    kamran ki waja say match haar gaiy

  • Jim on March 9, 2011, 22:41 GMT

    Kamran Akmal has night-blindness. He can't see clearly for half, no, almost all duration of the day-night matches. Andy, your blogs and twitter feeds are so hilarious. The first and only celebrity I am following from outside in Twitter is You. One question for you - Can you predict which test nations would become associates and which associates would become test nations in, say, 5 years of time?

  • Umear on March 9, 2011, 19:43 GMT

    what on earth is going on. Talks about dropping shehzad, hafeez and kamran. did none of you watch new zealand series. kamran is certainly not a very good keeper but that can easily be fixed without all this commotion. umar akmal can keep very nicely indeed.

  • Saleem Yousuf on March 9, 2011, 11:50 GMT

    Kamran Akmal should be returned from first available flight back home. He don't deserve to be the part of the team. I have very much doubt that he is still playing in the hands of bookies. This is not the first time that he drops simple catches and stumping chances. Umer should be given keeping from the next matches and ensure to win next both matches. Otherwise it seems Pak team would settled at the 4th place in the group and playing QF with India in Ahmedabad. Ideal situation will be to face India in the Final not in QF.

  • Jaggie K on March 9, 2011, 11:40 GMT

    Once again a fantastic piece, Andy.

  • Nikhil S on March 9, 2011, 11:36 GMT

    This is hilarious!! If Oliver Cromwell had his way though, we might have had the batting helmet a lot earlier, and the Bodyline incident possibly wouldn't have happened (Harold Larwood would have gone the Collins Obuya route and reinvented himself as a batsman + the Don's cricket average would be 110 and hardly as worth of remembrance), and spinner Inshan Ali would today be the West Indies' leading wicket taker.

  • naveed on March 9, 2011, 10:30 GMT

    well we shouldnt be surprised at kamrans performance coz thats exactly how a match fixer should perform.he will be even more visible in bigger matches coz those matches would get him much more money for such like antics.it is bad luck for pakistan that he is part of TEAM PAKISTAN...VERY SAD

  • Naveed Fida on March 9, 2011, 9:46 GMT

    I agree that Kamran Akmal is responsible for our loss against the Kiwis but even more responsible are the selectors and team management who continue to select him and haven't found a better wicket keeper......

  • Rasheed on March 9, 2011, 9:41 GMT

    It looks like Kamran Akmal is the betting Agent, he missed more than five chances for Hussey in the Australia match and ultimately Aussies won. Similary he did for Ross Taylor. He is being dictated by the Betting Agent. Anybody who replaces him is threatened and one keeper is hiding in UK. Even the selectors, coach are frightened of him.

  • paki on March 9, 2011, 9:16 GMT

    Forwarding as suggestion to Caption of Pakistan Cricket team, I have heard last night on Super GEO when “Imran Khan” and “Waseem Akram” were online…

    Both agreed on following point: 1/. We should add one expert bowler in a team. 2/. Change opening pair as they are failing from the 1st match and also their batting technique is not correct. Subject for coach to read them train rather to make their international pleasure trip during WC2011. 3/. Send Razaq before Afridi. 4/. Add Saeed Ajmal, as he is wicket taker bowler. Also, Waseem mentioned to Imran, what we do for wicket keepers, shall we try “Shoaib Ather.” (Waseem and Imran smiled).

    I think this is a time to free our cirkcet from Akmal brothers and their politics. May I ask Kamran a little support for the sake of Pakistan and money you have earn up till now, please declare that you are injured so that we can request ICC a new wicket keeper and increase our chances in World cup.

    I donot understand, why Pakistani team is depending on someone who is always getting blamed after a match. Is cricket management sleeping? Is there any link, everyone wants to say goodbye to PCB chairman but President House is not listen voice of poor Pakistanis? Can we held them accountable for wrong & stupid selection? Win or Lose is not augmentable, a team will win who plays better but this should be discussed why a consistent poor performers are part of the team!

    Every successful organization is doing performance evaluation bi-yearly; why we are not doing this in the our cricket team, if we ever tried to do this, then last night we will not see such a pathetic wicket keeping yesterday.

    All I want from the friends of Kamran Akmal, please try to convey or explain the pain we all are facing due to his “useless wicket keeping” AND if family members of Kamran reading this blog please ask Kamran Akmal to read this blog he will find enough justification to run away from cricket for our beloved country.

    Wishing to win rest of the matches and Pakistan Caption may do some batting order changes.

    Good Luck Afridi and Team.

  • Stewie on March 9, 2011, 8:29 GMT

    One bad game and all the Pakistani fans seem to be panicking. Well I hope the selectors don't because Pakistan has done so well until know. 2 dropped catches, OK, but give Ross Taylor and Jacob Oram some credit - 100 runs in the last 5 overs, was it? Amazing. And the bowlers backed them up. Perhaps 0-4 in Bangladesh last year did the NZ team some good after all? All the same, I don't expect to see either team in the semi-finals.

  • fauzer on March 9, 2011, 7:55 GMT

    pretty funny z'.

    to the readers who don't get the sattire, why waste time commenting here? go elsewhere.

  • humayun on March 9, 2011, 7:41 GMT

    PLEASE PAKISTANI SELECTORS,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,FOR GOD SAKE,,,,,,,,,DROP KAMRAN AKMAL,,,,,,,,,,,,,SHAHID AFRIDI DROP HIM BY YOUR SELF HE IS JUST A SHIT.

  • Elango on March 9, 2011, 7:30 GMT

    No? What no? Yes sir, Andy-the-A2Z-of-cricket-Zaltzman is very much a celebrity in India. We follow him at FedEx Zaltzman on Twitter, we all loved his Samsung Confectionery Stall till he suddenly vacated for more lucrative pastures, we lap up his wit at the Dish TV On the Road with Zaltzman... And we will vote for him if he tomorrow stand in the elections! Andy bhai zindabad!!

  • Cookie on March 9, 2011, 7:30 GMT

    I think the most awesome comment was by sm faisal. Quote "As a pakistani I want akmal in the Indian team". Lol. Hats off.

  • Elango on March 9, 2011, 7:23 GMT

    No? Yes, yes, yes... Unless it's Andy's weekly attempt at humility. (Very weak, indeed.)He IS a celebrity in India these days - at least among the mindless millions who sit in office and browse cricinfo all the time without their bosses knowing - while their bosses are also busy doing the same thing.

    But, it's obvious he doesn't much care for it. Like Sachin. Fame sits gently on his shoulder when it's not brushed off by his left hand as he exits a noisy stadium after an English loss or tie. Our Andy wouldn't want to be a celebrity among these wild things they call cricket fans, no sir?

    How does a celebrity know if he's a celebrity? When sponsors come knocking? When the media is full of his/her stories? The latter is already true of Andy the Book Launcher. If only Andy holds a bat instead of a pen, I'm sure NRF or Deebok would've already roped him in.

    (more follows...)

  • Wasif Khan Battagram on March 9, 2011, 7:20 GMT

    I wonder why they selected Ross Tylor man of the match? It was Kamran who won the match for NZ. In other words, I would say that Pakistan was playing with ten players against twelve NZ players, including Kamran Akmal.

  • a pakistani on March 9, 2011, 6:18 GMT

    Kamran chirps "Please don't create a catch please get an lbw or bowled instead! Please "*bowler's name here*-bhai" DON'T induce a catch!!!! *sob* *wail* *sob* and the chirp continues..."

  • afj on March 9, 2011, 5:46 GMT

    andy's articles are supposed to be a little dumb. its great. keep it coming :)

  • mahota on March 9, 2011, 5:41 GMT

    i fail to comprehend why people read andy when they dont understand the sense of it ... dont bother if u dont like his satire ... why waste ur time and ourz when u read his article through and than give idiotic comments

  • mubi on March 9, 2011, 5:28 GMT

    kamran akmal is not as bad as he looks or plays. perhaps he is the only true professional cricketer left in pakistan team albeit umar akmal.....................................lol

  • Ali on March 9, 2011, 5:20 GMT

    For once Kamran Akmal should watch 'Lagaan' (Bollywood movie) and get some inspiration from that 'baba' doing great stuff behind the stumps:D

  • Karthick K on March 9, 2011, 4:39 GMT

    Amazing comment:- LOL!! This was better than the article (what a crap article though)

    Posted by: s m faisal at March 8, 2011 3:09 PM

    as a pakistani i want kamran akmal in indian team

  • Ammar on March 9, 2011, 4:35 GMT

    useless article ! zaltzman's articles are usually senseless and baseless

  • Sohel ahmed on March 9, 2011, 4:27 GMT

    Let me tell you what kamran akmal chirps about behind the stumps;'what on earth am i doing here;i mean why the hell would i be here after spilling so many catches and scoring so little runs?'

  • Niles on March 9, 2011, 4:23 GMT

    Couldn't agree more. On live TV, that chirp is more annoying than a vuvuzela. Too bad the Pakistani fans who have commented here don't have a sense of humor!

  • Luke on March 9, 2011, 4:14 GMT

    Great stuff, as always.

    I've never seen so many negative comments on any of your articles. Did you blaspheme about Sachin...?

  • Sajid on March 9, 2011, 3:48 GMT

    Pakistan can not win big event if they have Kamran Akmal his face is ugly, his wicket keeping is more ugly than his face. This animal is for zoo where kids can campare him with monkey and have some fun. I am watching him from long time Pakistan is losing because of him. O my Pakistan if u do not have keeper than do not play.I know Pakistan can have good keepers in millions, y this monkey. I appeal to selectors please save Pakistani name and send kamran to zoo.

  • Chris Page on March 9, 2011, 3:30 GMT

    Amusing article, but Andy most people don't speak Urdu or whatever he's yapping so it's actually an interesting question to address after you've delivered your satire lasagne.

  • Jim on March 9, 2011, 3:13 GMT

    Kamran Akmal has night-blindness. He can't see clearly in half, no, almost for all duration of the day-night matches.

    Andy, your blogs and twitter feeds are so hilarious. I am not in Twitter and I won't be, but the first and only celebrity I am following from outside in Twitter is You.

    One question for you - Can you predict which test nations would become associates and which associates would become test nations in, say, 5 years of time?

  • jogesh99 on March 9, 2011, 3:06 GMT

    Akmal isn't a keeper, hes a fixer.

  • Muhammad Saidul Haque on March 9, 2011, 3:03 GMT

    The uneducated corrupted officials of Pakistan Selection Board have been with the sinful & doubtful players like Kamran Akmal & Shoaib Akhter , certainly have proven themselves as real traitor of Pakistan. I am really surprised, does Pakistan really have not any other option alternative players around the country to replace over tartaric character of Kamran Akmal ?! Kamran Akmal is the one & only devilish root which should be removed as much as possible if Pakistan cricket Board would take an immediate matured decision.

  • Dr Kricket on March 9, 2011, 3:00 GMT

    Ha ha ha...Hilarious article. For those who don't get it, too bad. Develop a sense of humor guys, shed that Oliver Cromwellesque persona of yours and chill!

  • Vijay Rajan on March 9, 2011, 2:08 GMT

    I recall the Mohali test that Akmal and Razzak batted out on the final day despite being 6 down. Akmal was constantly chirping on that day. On closer look he seemed to be reciting verses of the kuran which he does to focus.

    As a wicket keeper, he abuses in Urdu. It is very common for Pak cricketers to make derogatory comments on Indians. Once Mohinder Amarnath told Javed Miandad to stop insulting Indians. Javed Miandad even quoted this in his biography.

    I think we need a pacifier for Akmal so that cricket can go one without incident. Sreesanth needs 2 pacifiers as well.

    This is cricket.. no soap opera like dramas please.

  • saleem khan on March 9, 2011, 1:58 GMT

    Kamran Akmal is one player who can be very easily made to sit out permanently , but because his possible relationship with the Bookies has been so much advantageous for every one in the team that he has been dropped and reselected so many times . As for making noise behind the wickets there is a saying in English "Empty vessels Thunder the most " Unfortunately Kamran Akmal may not understand it because it is in Enlish.

  • solaar29 on March 9, 2011, 1:57 GMT

    please, for the love of some viewing sanity, and pleasure...remove kamran akmal from behind the stumps! i don't even care that he's really bad at this point; I just want the noise to stop!

  • GuyWhoFoundItFunny on March 9, 2011, 1:53 GMT

    Brilliant :D

    Its funny how the pakis don't find this article that funny :D But wen indian's are being mocked, everyone out here LOLing away haha

    I know exactly what you meant by that annoying chirps of Akmal from behind the stumps. Its annoying as hell, wish they turn off the stump microphone when pak are on the field

  • Tony on March 9, 2011, 1:51 GMT

    That Kamran Akmal piece was side-splittingly funny! Ignore the grumpy gits on here.

  • Subby_8 on March 9, 2011, 1:45 GMT

    (I dont need a 100 characters to express my views, i only need 10) Funny stuff...

  • Kc on March 9, 2011, 1:42 GMT

    Brilliant!!

  • George Fripley on March 9, 2011, 1:00 GMT

    Great article Andy...constantly amazed at the lack of sense of humour among some of the comments...come on guys get a life and stop taking yourself too seriously.

    I think it was the great wicketkeeper Appealus Histericus who said, 'howzat, howzat, howzat' just to let the umpire know that he was appealing for the next three balls regardless of what they were. It saved time and effort and allowed his vocal chords to recover.

  • shan on March 9, 2011, 0:57 GMT

    nice one..i cant stop laughing...well done

  • Balki Batackumus on March 9, 2011, 0:47 GMT

    When did Art Garfunkel start blogging about cricket. This is an uproar, he was an average about best, pot smoking hippie singer, and now we have to endure this crap.

  • hv on March 9, 2011, 0:21 GMT

    The only thing he s chanting is Shabaash (come'on) Shahid Bhai.... Shabaash Shahid Bhai... Shabaash Shahid Bhai.... Shabaash Shahid Bhai... Six months back he was reprimanded from the team by the then caption Shahid Afridi(Oh, he s still the caption) for only chanting 'Shabaash Shahid Bhai' 58 times during a ten over spell.. Reportedly he formally apologized to both Ijaz Butt and Shahid and Since then he s on a mission.. Shabaash Shahid Bhai.... Shabaash Shahid Bhai.. Shabaash Shahid Bhai

  • Ace on March 8, 2011, 23:50 GMT

    Dude, here's a suggestion from your fan, you should shorten your articles just sort of like your twitter, I just accidentally clicked on a link to it and boy, did I love it? I was literally rolling on the floor aka rofl-ing hard. Love your humour and sarcasm sense, keep going! And yeah, the less said about Kamran the better, but even as a Pakistani I didn't mind the loss to NZ all that much, I guess we fans aren't used to not being under-estimated and now with the loss we just might be back to being the underdogs x) As for all those Indians hating on you for some reason, just ignore them, they don't have any humour sense either way and are just too lame to accept a little joke on their over-rated idols ;)

  • Amit on March 8, 2011, 23:40 GMT

    Has anyone noticed that Afridi tampers with the ball by poking with his finger nails when he is about to deliver the ball? Latest pictures on this website clearly shows that.

  • prabhakar devavaram on March 8, 2011, 23:31 GMT

    Brilliant Blog Andy Zaltzman. John Oliver will be proud of this. Great to see you winning the Hearts and Minds of the people in the subcontinent.

  • prabhakar devavaram on March 8, 2011, 23:29 GMT

    Brilliant blog Mr Salztman. John Oliver would be proud of this. You are winning the hearts and minds of the people in the subcontinent.

  • Stuart on March 8, 2011, 23:21 GMT

    Fans of Pakistani Cricket,

    Where's the sense of humour? Come on guys, have a good laugh, don't take everything that seriously. Bring on the cricket jokes about English cricketeers, I'm not going to complain ;) Keep it up, Andy

  • Ali Zaidi on March 8, 2011, 23:16 GMT

    I think Kamran Akmal is a tazxi drider incognito so his chirps are "where should i drop you".

    LoL loud andy great work. made my day somewhat better

  • Varun on March 8, 2011, 23:15 GMT

    As usual, Andy the humor machine has nailed it!!

  • Kicker of Elves on March 8, 2011, 23:11 GMT

    Thanks for the clarification, Andy.

    Re: sledging via T-shirt. I have decided to run in to bowl this coming season with a T-shirt reading 'Hey, batsman, look over there!'. I will keep you informed as to whether this improves on the 18 wickets taken last season.

    See you in Runcorn.

  • faltuuuu on March 8, 2011, 23:10 GMT

    Andy, lol! I did fall off my chair laughing. Great writing. All you guys who thought this was not good enough, lighten up. Great stuff! keep it coming.

  • tom ahmed on March 8, 2011, 22:56 GMT

    fun article - zaltzman is cool as ever. keep it up! had to post my views looking at some dour and humorless comments... andy - better stick to non-subcontinental teams in your articles - as the sub-continent guys have different sense of humor all together to westerners - all the best!

  • nantheman on March 8, 2011, 22:51 GMT

    Great article! I always wondered about the reasons for Akmal's chirps.

  • iram on March 8, 2011, 22:16 GMT

    i think what akmal is actually "chirping" is just general encouragement to the bowlers :) like he constantly says "shahbash shahid bhai" which means "well done shahid brother" after every good bowl by afridi

    i do think Pakistan need a replacement for him, his performances are always rubbish, let's hope afridi realises that soon :)

  • Kunal on March 8, 2011, 22:03 GMT

    Funny article and the video of your trip to India is totally cool.

    Keep up the 'tickling' of the incredible game of Cricket.

  • Kunal on March 8, 2011, 22:03 GMT

    Funny article and the video of your trip to India is totally cool.

    Keep up the 'tickling' of the incredible game of Cricket.

  • Sumant Bhalla on March 8, 2011, 22:00 GMT

    Kamran Akmal, behind the stumps were you fighting with a khatmal? Shoaibh, I enjoyed seeing you being tonked around the ground

    Younis, there's something sticking out of your anus. Afridi, what a way to lead, you're the best Captain in the field.

  • harpreet bhinder on March 8, 2011, 21:50 GMT

    WELLLLLLLL Note 1 Afridi open with Haffez or Abdur razzak I miss Shoib Malik 3 Umer Akmal 4 Misbah 5 Razzak 6 Younis 7Kamran

  • Abhijeet on March 8, 2011, 21:50 GMT

    The answer to the last question is clearly wrong.

  • sarsalan on March 8, 2011, 21:48 GMT

    Kamran Akmal is by far the stupidest and most incompetently horrible keeper ive seen playing for any team ranging from USA to RSA/Aus.., He makes too much noise and is the only fixer in the team. We know for a fact that hes communicating on his wireless headphone chatting up all the bookies...

    He needs to shut up and concentrate, or hes falling into THE FLUSH...

  • Anuj on March 8, 2011, 21:48 GMT

    this is a good article, all the sensitive sub contitnent fans just cant take humour in good spirits when its something to do with their teams!!

  • Shaikh Mo on March 8, 2011, 20:49 GMT

    Some of your humour will be lost on "the provincial masses" but I think it is exactly what the occasion demands.

    Today's match was a tragi-comedy - let's not forget the comedy part.

  • Mubin on March 8, 2011, 20:40 GMT

    Nice article!!!!!! it is good to read such articles after the stresses of day... good work...keep it up...

  • Vilander on March 8, 2011, 20:40 GMT

    on the dullness 11, the funniest was on ravi sashtri, ' Scored and conceded runs at little more than 2 per over. If he could have bowled at himself, cricket would have died.' too good.

  • dmqi on March 8, 2011, 20:30 GMT

    If this fella, Kamran has any self respect, he should buy a ticket and fly back somewher no one knows and keep self there for at lest one year. He can only let his mother know where he is. Sack all paki management.

  • Aditya on March 8, 2011, 20:15 GMT

    i don't get it. why do fans take these jokes personally? Though I doubt Zaltzman would care even if you did, if he isn't already gloating over the fact that you do. ( hell , i don't know him, and for his sake i wish i don't ever. I'm an indian and i don't brandy just words with someone who throws in Sachin's name in a satire. so beware. there are many ditches in India, and even planned executions are made to look accidental :P) but hey, on a more serious note, take it lightly. i always look forward to Zaltzman columns when i check out cricinfo. It's insanely funny. and for whats its worth, better than the action thats happening on field. good job dude. keep it going. If you happen to fall into a ditch, in a near future, do say hi :P

  • Dave on March 8, 2011, 20:12 GMT

    Genius as always - the only cricket writer freed entirely from the clammy grip of stale cliche! Love your work Zaltzman

  • CoolHead on March 8, 2011, 20:11 GMT

    Very Hilarious Article Andy!!! As usual, cool work! Keep up the good work!!!

    BTW: Folks please do me a favor, if you don't have/understand the humor part of your brain, you should stop reading Andy's writings :)

  • MA on March 8, 2011, 20:11 GMT

    Akmal fixer. reason still in the team - backhanders to PCB. Kick out both Akmals both useless. I am sick and tired of his drops and excuses....

  • fabian on March 8, 2011, 20:02 GMT

    Why does he chirp? The answer is very simple - because he is C**P!! Get rid of him and Hafeez please.

  • Chandra on March 8, 2011, 19:54 GMT

    I am not a PAK supporter, but I really felt bad for them after today's match. I watched the match recordings and re-played Akmal's heroics behind the stumps! It was totally disgusting for anyone to watch irrespective of which team you support. Taylor's second catch that he dropped popped out from his hand as if the either the gloves were oiled, makes people look at it with extreme suspicion. I bet Akmal, after today's match is on the PCB and ICC radar, if they arent, its already tooooo late. PCB, keep Akmal away and save your game, each match is so important. Akmal looks all set to spoil PAK's dreams, doubled after Afridi's heroics in the last 2-3 weeks.

  • Faisal Khan on March 8, 2011, 19:54 GMT

    Please write about England players faking injury after injury, they are falling faster than pin-balls, any sub-plot that comes to your twisted mind???

  • fcuk akmal on March 8, 2011, 19:53 GMT

    shoaib,razzaq,afridi,younus,akmal they all had played previous two world cups,they had'nt done any thing back then,not even qualify for qf. shoaib and asif had to escaped from wi due to drug scandels,the worst thing is we'hd lost from ireland.but we pakistani's we never lernt from the past,these all a** holes are still in the team,they can do nothing insted of wining against associated teams.fcuk you aijaaz but and the other but also.

  • fcuk akmal on March 8, 2011, 19:49 GMT

    shoaib,razzaq,afridi,younus,akmal they all had played previous two world cups,they had'nt done any thing back then,not even qualify for qf. shoaib and asif had to escaped from wi due to drug scandels,the worst thing is we'hd lost from ireland.but we pakistani's we never lernt from the past,these all a** holes are still in the team,they can do nothing insted of wining against associated teams.fcuk you aijaaz but and the other but also.

  • TARIQ on March 8, 2011, 19:46 GMT

    He always pray to God that he should not drop the upcoming ball and thanks to Mr. Butt of Pak board for letting him play every ball.

  • Umer on March 8, 2011, 19:40 GMT

    It is not chirping, its plain simple Urdu you non-funny racist typical white man who is a sad excuse to be a writer!

  • DJ on March 8, 2011, 19:38 GMT

    Great article, had a nice chuckle. Don't let the naysayers dissuade you, they obviously don't get it.

  • Undergrounded on March 8, 2011, 19:29 GMT

    @Nasim: No my friend, Kamran Akmal is not blind. Our blind cricket team has better players than him. They've recently made a couple of big records in cricket against Australia (i think).

  • Mohammad on March 8, 2011, 19:28 GMT

    What's up with all the sad people hatin on the writer? This was a fun read. Get over the loss and blame your board for stickin with this joker keeper.

  • Nadeem Kureshi on March 8, 2011, 19:26 GMT

    Andy is super, as usual. Cant defend Kamran Akmal; but if you had a batting line up which could sustain itself, this man won't have been in the team, he would have been washing dishes somewhere, long ago. He's in, because there is a space for him. Every time he was rested, Pak batting screwed badly!

  • Arif on March 8, 2011, 19:24 GMT

    See Shaukat...

    err M Hassan : thats 180 million.

    17 million are in Karachi only... then again if you are form Karachi then you are correct...

  • harsha on March 8, 2011, 19:23 GMT

    Useless article.

  • Arif on March 8, 2011, 19:18 GMT

    @Shaukat: For the same reason that people of the nation cannot count... it's 180 million not 150 million...

  • Isaac Vivian Alexander Randall on March 8, 2011, 19:11 GMT

    Some witty moments there, Mr. Zaltzman, although methinks this article was probably written at a time of writer's block and is therefore not your best work. But never mind the hecklers. As you can see, most of them haven't the slightest clue about spelling and grammar and probably graduated from sort of technical/vocational institution.

    That said, I have a question: Do you believe the English performance would improve if the English team made the Elvis Costello song 'Oliver's Army' its theme song?

  • SKHAN on March 8, 2011, 19:09 GMT

    Kamran should better use his hands instead of his mouth in his effort to grab the balls(cricket)..Pakistan should better use Umar Akmal or Younis as keeper and play an extra Bowler/batsman like Shoaib Malik who can play both spin and fast and can bowl as well, Shoaib Akhtar should be replaced with wahab/junaid . And Razaq should be promoted in batting order. Keep playing Kamran Akmal is criminal and fishy.

  • Satish on March 8, 2011, 19:07 GMT

    Satya Krishna,

    Haven't checked your figures but even if they are correct you seem quite adept at mixing-up ODIs with Tests.

  • Kanthan on March 8, 2011, 19:05 GMT

    Making fun of the late Hansie Cronje is a cheap shot. Please avoid these kind of silly jokes of people who have passed away in the future articles.

  • Dhananjay Mhatre on March 8, 2011, 19:00 GMT

    It is funny there are people who still do not get Zatzman's style.

    Andy, will it be worth it if I start a petition asking for you to spend some quality time in the commentry box?

  • Fouad Mohammad on March 8, 2011, 18:52 GMT

    Nicely put. I wish Kamran actually did sledge from behind the stumps, but his chirps are limited to 'well bowled', 'ghoome gi' (will turn upon bounce) and mostly, 'umaaaaaaaar', asking his brother to field. His heroics have let the team down many a time now, time has come for him to join his buddy Shoaib Malik, outside the squad. Let Umar Akmal keep, and play an extra seamer, please!

  • faisal on March 8, 2011, 18:48 GMT

    if pakistan have any ambition of doing well in this tournament they should get rid of kamran akmal and bring asad shafiq or wahab riaz in his place(for his death and new ball bowling) and should replace abdur rehman with ajmal. the man of the match today should have been kamran akmal had it been not for those three catches(two off shoaib and one off afridi) new zealand would have struggled to cross 200 instead they got over 300.it was painful to see akhtar and razzaq bowling without any imagination they could have tried coming round the wicket etc. instead they gifted taylor on his birthday

  • Amjad on March 8, 2011, 18:44 GMT

    Very poor article. Andy satlman you suck, you cannot write anything related to cricket.

  • raj iyer on March 8, 2011, 18:44 GMT

    thank god that today he didn't picked the ball from the ground and went celebrating like he did against sehwag in mirpur match.

  • Ashfaq Ahmad on March 8, 2011, 18:30 GMT

    Kamran makes too much noise which is unbearable.He also appeals for caught behind,to take umpires attention away when there is an obvious wide-ball.

    Moin Khan,wicket-keeper was the worst offender and came to nerves of the batsmen,viewers,listeners by his non-stop comments.So was Kiran More of India.

  • Ashfaq Ahmad on March 8, 2011, 18:24 GMT

    Noises by wicket keepers.

    Going back,Kiran More of India was known to come to batsmens' nerves-Miandad,among others can testify.

    Moin Khan-My God .He made life miserable for viewers and listners let alone the batsmen.He never stopped for a moment as long as his team was in the field.He really annoyed more than anyone body else.Encouraging your team,bowlers etc is fine but if you do it constantly,non-stop-it is unbearable

    One more thing that I noticed in Kamran Akmal wicket-keeping.He always appeals for caught behind to keep umpire's attention away from an obvious wide-ball.Perhaps others do it too!

  • mokam on March 8, 2011, 18:23 GMT

    I have been following pak cricket since the early fifties. Kamran ackmal is the worst keeper ever. Remember the dropped catches with hussey?. Now today's embarrassment against the kiwi's. He should be put on board the earliest available flight back to Pakistan and should never be allowed back into the national team.An absolute disgrace.

  • M Hassan on March 8, 2011, 18:03 GMT

    Kamran Akmal is the worlds worst wicketkeeper at this time around, according to the former wicketkeeper coach he ranks number 6th within pakistan, to me if there is wicketkeep in side even at the club level, he has to be the wicketkeper first than batsman? what really shocking to me after all those many years time and time again seires after series he never really get to be replaced? why? just like intkhab alam never goes any where why? can someone asnwer those questions to 17 million people in the country.

  • saif on March 8, 2011, 18:00 GMT

    it was a must win game for Pakistan but i thing they deserve to loose today becoz of akmals poor keeping plz win the next two games and they will win i am 110 percent sure inshaalah

  • Chunati on March 8, 2011, 18:00 GMT

    Hi Andy,

    Always fun to read your write-ups. I am a not-so-young diehard Bangladeshi supporter, who has to wake up at 3 am in the morning to watch the Bangladeshi games. Guess how I felt after the WI game. But as I said, since I am a diehard supporter I will continue to support. Expecting to beat England in my heart, but my mind says it won't happen. Want to get your response on your feeling about that match before it takes place. Serious and/or funny response is ok.

  • NoToKamranAkmal on March 8, 2011, 17:58 GMT

    Kamran Akmal needs to be dropped ASAP if Pakistan retain any desires to play beyond the QF match.

  • Sadiq From Maryland USA on March 8, 2011, 17:57 GMT

    I am so sad for Pakistani team losing like this. I will say, Pakistan lost the match due to Kamran Akmal. this guy is out of form and everyone knows, about his keepering and still he is in the Team. Like this Error could make Pakistan team lose the World Cup winning Dream.

  • Shahzad S. Janjua on March 8, 2011, 17:52 GMT

    I didn't get a single word, what you trying to say about Kamran Akmal, I think he is lot less complicated, then you write up or might be much worse than this write up

  • SAHEEL MEMON on March 8, 2011, 17:51 GMT

    KAMRAN AKMAL, M. HAFEEZ AND SHEHZAD SHOULD BE OUT FROM PAKISTAN CRICKET TEAM RIGHT AWAY. PAKISTAN BOWLING LINE IS 100% PERFECT, BUT BATTING LINE UP AND FEIDLING IS WORST. BATTING LINE UP IS WORST BEACUSE OF OPENERS M. HAFEEZ AND SHEHZAD. THEY HARDLY SCORE ANYTHING IN ANY INNINGS. PAKISTAN SHOULD CALL SHOHAIB MALIK, M. YUSUF AND IMRAN NAZEER IN.

  • nabil on March 8, 2011, 17:51 GMT

    Kamran Akmal is probably the worst wicket keeper in professional cricket. Did you see the shocking drops in the NZ game? Obviously something fishy is going on. This is not the first time he has pulled this stunt. Hes dropped something like 8 catches in this world cup, and at least 4 of them have been the simplest of catches, like in and out of the glove easy. Pakistani cricket is an embarassment.

  • shaukat ali on March 8, 2011, 17:49 GMT

    I was wondering, in the country of 150 million people, we dont have any other wicket keeper than lousy Kamran Akmal. I was also wondering how many more matches Pakistan has to lose because of his rediculous wicket keeping before someone from pakistan cricket pundits dare to ask him to shelf his gloves.

  • A.R.Chakravarthy on March 8, 2011, 17:46 GMT

    Brilliantly hilarious stuff, Mr.Zaltzman.

  • Biggus on March 8, 2011, 17:43 GMT

    Well, you're the form outfit of the tournament it would appear. If Oliver 'funky' Cromwell were here he would have a million uses besides supressing Cavaliers though. Much as Elton John rewrote "Candle in the wind" for Lady Di's funeral he could rework his hit single, "I say you are no parliament" as "I say you are no representative international governing body" for the ICC. Had we thought of it earlier it could have been performed at the opening ceremony, to almost certain universal acclaim. Haroon Lorgat could have accompanied him on sitar, after which Oliver would have stayed with the Maharishi, begun an intensely creative period and grown a real beard instead of that beatnik goatee. I understand that if he rides his horse backwards it taps out, "Charles is dead" in morse code. It's apparently very popular in Albania, though Montenegrins are wont to find it overly commercial, and the dance steps hard to master.

  • Cricketer on March 8, 2011, 17:40 GMT

    Trying to be funny yeh? I missed the pun there.

  • safi on March 8, 2011, 17:38 GMT

    What do Michael Jackson and Kamran Akmal have in common?

    They both wear gloves for no reason!!

  • Nasir Ali on March 8, 2011, 17:35 GMT

    I think Pakistan team management should try Umar Akmal as Wicket keeper, and bring Asad Shafiq in to the side, what Kamran is doing behind the stumps, it will hurt Pakistan team badly, if he dropped catches like this, so there is no hope for Pakistan to win World cup, when he will drop two catches in a over, what the bowler will do? he must be dis heart, so i still believe Shoaib is key for Pakistan team to get success, but he must be supported by fielders and specially wicket keeper. Pakistan must try new bowler Junaid khan, and bring variety in to side, i wish Pakistan team best of luck,

  • Imran on March 8, 2011, 17:32 GMT

    I have never seen such a pathetic wicket keeper like Kamran Akmal in my entire cricketing career. For the sake of dignity I think Umer Akmal should be handed over the wicket keeping responsibilities and add a full time regular batsman like Asad Shahfiq in place of Kamran Akmal. His two sweet birthday presents to Ross Tylar cost Pakistan Humiliation today.

  • Anonymous on March 8, 2011, 17:31 GMT

    kamran akmal oil his hairs with his gloves..

  • Zafar on March 8, 2011, 17:30 GMT

    Dear Afridi/Waqar

    Please be informed that there are some things to be notice, I don’t know whether you people have the statistics of your teammates if not then you can download it from internet, please find below stats of your teammates in worldcup.

    Player Name Matches Runs Avg. Hafeez 4 57 14.25 Ahmed Shahzad 4 36 9.0 Kamran Akmal 4 118 29.5 with 9 mischance (stump/dropcatch) Abdul Razzaq 4 81 20.25 with one wicket only

    Hope there might be some changes in up coming matches, Your prompt action will be highly appreciated.

    Regards,

    Commonsense.

  • Bilal on March 8, 2011, 17:28 GMT

    If the great player cited is from an opposing team. If, for example, Hansie Cronje had said: “We want to win this World Cup for Salim Malik,” alarm bells would have rightly twanged.

    If there is a suspicion that the player who says he wants to ‘win it for Sachin’ is merely replacing the words ‘money, fame and glory’ with the word ‘Sachin’, and has been told that, if he helps his team to victory, he will be given Sachin Tendulkar as a prize, to take home and keep.

    I was sad after Pakistan's todays loss but u made my day Andy...

  • Satya Krishna on March 8, 2011, 17:23 GMT

    Hello Where is Rahul Dravid? He should eb the catain of this team, significant name missing!

    How many bore-to-death innnings did he have, least to mention some are below:

    1. 3 off 61 against England 2. 12 off 96 against England 3. 14 off 109 against Audtralia

  • avinash on March 8, 2011, 17:22 GMT

    great work andy..still laugh at your anecdote about trying to test your cricketing skills and finding there arnt any.....and morover you are a celebrity...at least for your fans....

  • Shoeman on March 8, 2011, 17:21 GMT

    Kamram Akmal indeed is a mystery and more mysterious are his comeback...am sure Afridi in the Wicket keeper Avatar can do a better job...On to his Chirping....it could well be constant prayers...for there is no reason he can save his a** in the team without holy grace...well we never know mystery continues...

  • Arisha g on March 8, 2011, 17:13 GMT

    Good article esp in reference to Kamran Akmal ...also the part where you mention the reasons that some comments could arouse suspicion. And I support Pakistan. So.

  • Sam on March 8, 2011, 17:11 GMT

    Akmal brothers should be sacked.

  • Babar Khan on March 8, 2011, 17:11 GMT

    Awesome Writing.Reminds me of Dicken's.

  • Nasim on March 8, 2011, 17:10 GMT

    Believe me kamran akmal is blind. He should consult with eye speciaist.

  • Sonya on March 8, 2011, 17:08 GMT

    Shame on the writer. Hansie Cronje was a great sportsman. Trying to make a joke of a dead man is the worst thing you can do. Why not say the same about Shane Warne, or maybe you can ask a question yourself about how cna england loose a game to Ireland that is completely in their grasp?

  • Omar on March 8, 2011, 17:06 GMT

    "1. If the great player cited is from an opposing team. If, for example, Hansie Cronje had said: “We want to win this World Cup for Salim Malik,” alarm bells would have rightly twanged."

    HAHAHAHA

  • khan on March 8, 2011, 16:58 GMT

    I think Kamran chirps about "come on boys, no more wickets,i have taken big money from the bookies, so don not embarace me". This son of bitch shoud have been eliminated when Aamir and rest were given the punishment. i am sure the story of his inclusion is not so simple, there must have been some strong mayfia even inside ICC supporting him and made his poistion secure, in order to manupulate the critical match situation. Therefore ICC has another case to inquire about, i-e how a wicket keeper can miss three to four easy chances in the field, it is quite horrible and strange.

  • imran khan on March 8, 2011, 16:54 GMT

    what a pathetic keeper, every match every series he drop chatches and missed stumping chances. why stupid selectors are blind , they cant see any other keeper who can do keeping good and score 20 to 30 runns per match.

  • Shaikh on March 8, 2011, 16:53 GMT

    My vote for MoM goes for Kamran Akmal. Great job keep it up for OTHER team.

  • nu'maan on March 8, 2011, 16:53 GMT

    all i want to know, is - why is kamran akmal alive?

    he double handedly lost us the game tonight.

  • Hassan Farooqi on March 8, 2011, 16:47 GMT

    No mystery. He just asks, "Do I drop the next catch or take?". He acts per whatever bookie signals him to. The only match fixer still in the team.

  • Nikhilesh on March 8, 2011, 16:47 GMT

    This is awesome!

  • Sy Ali on March 8, 2011, 16:43 GMT

    What the hell is this?

  • s m faisal on March 8, 2011, 15:09 GMT

    as a pakistani i want kamran akmal in indian team

  • Aatif on March 8, 2011, 15:03 GMT

    was this article necessary.

  • Ali on March 8, 2011, 14:59 GMT

    Andy, you being the most celebrated scientist after Sir Albert Issac Edison please tell me if todate science has invented ANY instrument to measure Team Pakistan’s unpredictably. I bet you will lie and not confess your defeat….;)...just like you have contrived this article....Any...you rock!!!!!

  • nings in which they were thinking about another player’s wife.) One famous instance from cricketin on March 8, 2011, 14:55 GMT

    One famous instance from cricketing history in which a player excelled having dyed his hair was Wally Hammond’s famous 240 against Australia at Lord’s in 1938, when the great batsman had dyed his hair green in an effort to impress film actress Marlene Dietrich, whom he thought might come to the game (the dye does not show up in the black-and-white photographs of the game; Dietrich went to watch a county match at Derby instead).

  • Sar Kumar on March 8, 2011, 14:40 GMT

    Lame attempt at satire and humor. This guy is simply not funny - why waste time?

  • Shehzad on March 8, 2011, 14:32 GMT

    Bob Woolmer who knew a thing or two about Cricket said when he first saw Akmal that he was not a wicketkeeper !! Had we listened to him then, we would saved ourselves many disappointments as a nation. Sarfraz Ahmed has a first class batting average of 41. Akmal has 30, his brother adnan has 22, and they keep Sarfraz out bc 'his batting is poor' ! though everyone admits he's the best keeper in Paksitan!!

    Kamran chirps are nothing but coded messages for match fixers ;)

  • Riyas on March 8, 2011, 13:08 GMT

    Just read your 2 blogs on the dullest 11... you almost got me sacked this sort of thing should be banned from any self respecting cricket website!

  • anand j on March 8, 2011, 11:05 GMT

    i think u got the last answer wrong..this is my first comment on cricinfo.

  • Anonymous on March 8, 2011, 7:50 GMT

    dumb article

  • Morad786 on March 8, 2011, 7:10 GMT

    Not really impressed by this article as it is disjointed and irrelevant at most!

    I think this could have been written with a little bit of realism and humour...as most of the times I hear Kamran saying...well done so and so....or indicating to the baller to do something and/or trying to put the batsman off...

    Perhaps...you should have said it with some pictures!!

  • Waheed on March 8, 2011, 6:30 GMT

    cheap article.. should not be published on cricinfo... shows the standard of website... pathetic....

    Akmal, Sachin rocks.....

  • No featured comments at the moment.

  • Waheed on March 8, 2011, 6:30 GMT

    cheap article.. should not be published on cricinfo... shows the standard of website... pathetic....

    Akmal, Sachin rocks.....

  • Morad786 on March 8, 2011, 7:10 GMT

    Not really impressed by this article as it is disjointed and irrelevant at most!

    I think this could have been written with a little bit of realism and humour...as most of the times I hear Kamran saying...well done so and so....or indicating to the baller to do something and/or trying to put the batsman off...

    Perhaps...you should have said it with some pictures!!

  • Anonymous on March 8, 2011, 7:50 GMT

    dumb article

  • anand j on March 8, 2011, 11:05 GMT

    i think u got the last answer wrong..this is my first comment on cricinfo.

  • Riyas on March 8, 2011, 13:08 GMT

    Just read your 2 blogs on the dullest 11... you almost got me sacked this sort of thing should be banned from any self respecting cricket website!

  • Shehzad on March 8, 2011, 14:32 GMT

    Bob Woolmer who knew a thing or two about Cricket said when he first saw Akmal that he was not a wicketkeeper !! Had we listened to him then, we would saved ourselves many disappointments as a nation. Sarfraz Ahmed has a first class batting average of 41. Akmal has 30, his brother adnan has 22, and they keep Sarfraz out bc 'his batting is poor' ! though everyone admits he's the best keeper in Paksitan!!

    Kamran chirps are nothing but coded messages for match fixers ;)

  • Sar Kumar on March 8, 2011, 14:40 GMT

    Lame attempt at satire and humor. This guy is simply not funny - why waste time?

  • nings in which they were thinking about another player’s wife.) One famous instance from cricketin on March 8, 2011, 14:55 GMT

    One famous instance from cricketing history in which a player excelled having dyed his hair was Wally Hammond’s famous 240 against Australia at Lord’s in 1938, when the great batsman had dyed his hair green in an effort to impress film actress Marlene Dietrich, whom he thought might come to the game (the dye does not show up in the black-and-white photographs of the game; Dietrich went to watch a county match at Derby instead).

  • Ali on March 8, 2011, 14:59 GMT

    Andy, you being the most celebrated scientist after Sir Albert Issac Edison please tell me if todate science has invented ANY instrument to measure Team Pakistan’s unpredictably. I bet you will lie and not confess your defeat….;)...just like you have contrived this article....Any...you rock!!!!!

  • Aatif on March 8, 2011, 15:03 GMT

    was this article necessary.