England March 12, 2011

England share joy of winning with lesser teams

Apologies for the rather late posting of today’s blog
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Apologies for the rather late posting of today’s blog. This has been due to a number of factors:

1. I am on holiday for a few days with the family, and have yet to discover a satisfactory method of turning writing about cricket into a fun game in which a two-year-old boy and four-year-old girl can happily participate. Let alone a wife.

2. I was trying to describe how I imagine the scenes on the streets of Bangladesh must have been last night, without (a) the use of a thesaurus, or (b) my computer melting; this proved impossible.

3. I have been busy working on the libretto for my forthcoming blues-funk opera about the career of Chris Tavare, Brigadier Block And The Deadbat Demons.

4. A minor medical emergency. About fifteen minutes after Mahmudullah clonked Bresnan to the cover boundary to provoke pandemonium across Bangladesh (and major twinges of regret amongst those who had been in the Chittagong Stadium but had left in disgust at around the time the 8th Bangladesh wicket fell), I felt an itching in my hands and feet. Shortly, my face reddened and pink blotches started appearing on my arms. Within another fifteen minutes, my head and upper torso were attempting and pulling off a fairly convincing impersonation of an embarrassed beetroot. Being a hypochondriac Englishman abroad, I naturally assumed it was almost certainly 100% fatal, and started mentally composing my own Wisden obituary (“a flamboyant and irrepressible strokeplayer who was denied international honours only by the misfortune of his own genetic makeup, selectorial prejudice against rubbish cricketers, and his inability to play flamboyant and/or irrepressible strokes”).

As it was, an antihistamine tablet and a glass of water remedied the lurgee shortly before the undertaker was summoned. A local doctor analysed the symptoms, and decided that, me being English, the most likely causes were:

(a) A piece of rogue tuna fish that made Kamran Akmal’s wicket-keeping look Knott-like in its dependability;

(b) Late-onset post-imperial guilt; or

(c) An allergic reaction to England’s performance in Chittagong. “It could have been one of a number of factors,” explained the doc. “Perhaps the rather limp batting, or the chuntering stroppiness in the field, or the prevalence of low full tosses at crucial stages of that 9th wicket stand. Most likely a combination of all those, triggered when James Anderson splurted those five wides down the leg side in the 46th over. Many people reported the same symptoms when Mike Gatting played that reverse sweep in the 1987 final. It’s nothing to worry about. Watch a video of the 2005 Ashes and you’ll be right as rain in no time.”

Anyway, I am happily fully recovered from the ordeal, and able to reflect on yesterday’s match, a flawed and fascinating classic of its type. I am delighted for the non-projectile-hurling Bangladesh supporters, whose team somehow recovered from their dismal West Indian annihilation to bowl and field with skill and determination, and to bat with a mixture of targeted aggression and sensible application. Until choking. And choking hard, with victory in sight, to the point of spluttering paralysis.

Luckily, Mahmudullah and Shafiul Islam managed to Heimlich manoeuvre the innings back to health before the choke proved fatal. Bangladesh as a nation has not been traditionally renowned for heroic match-winning 9th wicket partnerships, which makes yesterday’s determined and brilliantly executed performance all the more laudable.

England, meanwhile, continued their selfless efforts to render the needlessly long group phase much more compelling than it might have been with a series of nerve-boiling finishes, to nurture the health of the great game in cricket’s newer territories, and to share the joys of cricketing triumph with nations who have seen too little of it.

As has often been stated, and proved, by the England team themselves, Strauss’ men are masters at bouncing back from dispiriting defeats. Their main problem now is that, after their inevitable critic-silencing rebound victory over West Indies on 17th March, they will find it hard to schedule in any more defeats from which to bounce back without being knocked out of the tournament. Rumours on the grapevine suggest that the ECB is urgently seeking to organise warm-up losses before the quarters, semis and final, ideally against emerging cricket nations such as Afghanistan, Honduras and the Vatican City.

Andy Zaltzman is a stand-up comedian, a regular on the BBC Radio 4, and a writer

Comments have now been closed for this article

  • maddogcfc on March 20, 2011, 8:17 GMT

    Hilarious Andy, just hilarious.

    Even funnier is reading the posts above and realising that the British sense of humour simply doesn't transcend international boundaries.

  • stanford mandizvidza on March 16, 2011, 6:00 GMT

    Rumours on the grapevine suggest that the ECB is urgently seeking to organise warm-up losses before the quarters, semis and final, ideally against emerging cricket nations such as Afghanistan, Honduras and the Vatican City.

    i rest my case!!

  • njr1330 on March 15, 2011, 12:29 GMT

    Dear Andy, Bit worried about the 'easy' warm-ups. (a) Afghanistan would beat England on merit; they recently thrahsed Canada, which we didn't! (b)If the Pope threatened to excommunicate any Roman Catholic who refused to play for his team; the Vatican City could put out the following 11.

    1. Matt Hayden 2. Herschelle Gibbs 3. Brian Lara 4. Brad Hodge 5. Bob Simpson (c) 6. Niall O'Brien (wk) 7. Angelo Mathews 8. Daniel Vettori 9. Chaminda Vaas 10. Ian Bishop 11. James Anderson

    Therefore, challenging His Holiness to a game of cricket, in return for your life, might not be the smartest move !!

  • Ankan on March 15, 2011, 9:51 GMT

    I think England is suffering from the guilt of inventing T20- and hence trying to make sure that one day is as interesting

  • andy_roy on March 15, 2011, 8:45 GMT

    Superb!

    And to some of the posters on here...get a funny bone implant, mates. It's never too late.

  • Erum on March 15, 2011, 6:59 GMT

    Hi Andy you are hilarious, this is the first time I have read your blog and I have thoroughly enjoyed it!!

  • balaji on March 15, 2011, 6:11 GMT

    I just loved your article, the command over english language that you got is amazing, I find your posts down to earth, funny and enjoyable to read.

  • lutf on March 14, 2011, 21:28 GMT

    @mahfooz. I will keep on reading andy's Blogs if you keep on posting responses.

  • HL on March 14, 2011, 18:29 GMT

    Excellent piece. This was my first read of your work and I'm hooked.

  • Anonymous on March 14, 2011, 18:17 GMT

    U pen a wicked column dude! Ur analogies r akin to hitting a "wide" ball for a six. Thus getting 7 runs & an extra ball to play. Ur article is the only thing I look forward to on this site. It warms the cockles of my heart & brings a smile to my face. keep the pen sharp & the knife inked.

  • maddogcfc on March 20, 2011, 8:17 GMT

    Hilarious Andy, just hilarious.

    Even funnier is reading the posts above and realising that the British sense of humour simply doesn't transcend international boundaries.

  • stanford mandizvidza on March 16, 2011, 6:00 GMT

    Rumours on the grapevine suggest that the ECB is urgently seeking to organise warm-up losses before the quarters, semis and final, ideally against emerging cricket nations such as Afghanistan, Honduras and the Vatican City.

    i rest my case!!

  • njr1330 on March 15, 2011, 12:29 GMT

    Dear Andy, Bit worried about the 'easy' warm-ups. (a) Afghanistan would beat England on merit; they recently thrahsed Canada, which we didn't! (b)If the Pope threatened to excommunicate any Roman Catholic who refused to play for his team; the Vatican City could put out the following 11.

    1. Matt Hayden 2. Herschelle Gibbs 3. Brian Lara 4. Brad Hodge 5. Bob Simpson (c) 6. Niall O'Brien (wk) 7. Angelo Mathews 8. Daniel Vettori 9. Chaminda Vaas 10. Ian Bishop 11. James Anderson

    Therefore, challenging His Holiness to a game of cricket, in return for your life, might not be the smartest move !!

  • Ankan on March 15, 2011, 9:51 GMT

    I think England is suffering from the guilt of inventing T20- and hence trying to make sure that one day is as interesting

  • andy_roy on March 15, 2011, 8:45 GMT

    Superb!

    And to some of the posters on here...get a funny bone implant, mates. It's never too late.

  • Erum on March 15, 2011, 6:59 GMT

    Hi Andy you are hilarious, this is the first time I have read your blog and I have thoroughly enjoyed it!!

  • balaji on March 15, 2011, 6:11 GMT

    I just loved your article, the command over english language that you got is amazing, I find your posts down to earth, funny and enjoyable to read.

  • lutf on March 14, 2011, 21:28 GMT

    @mahfooz. I will keep on reading andy's Blogs if you keep on posting responses.

  • HL on March 14, 2011, 18:29 GMT

    Excellent piece. This was my first read of your work and I'm hooked.

  • Anonymous on March 14, 2011, 18:17 GMT

    U pen a wicked column dude! Ur analogies r akin to hitting a "wide" ball for a six. Thus getting 7 runs & an extra ball to play. Ur article is the only thing I look forward to on this site. It warms the cockles of my heart & brings a smile to my face. keep the pen sharp & the knife inked.

  • Sachin on March 14, 2011, 17:45 GMT

    Dear Andy, Your blogs and tweets have been one of the highlights of the World cup. Look forward to reading them during the course of the tournament and in subsequent matches as well. Keep up the good work - You are the P.G Wodehouse of cricket writing.

  • RadioNed on March 14, 2011, 16:02 GMT

    Where is John Oliver? .. and F YOU, Chris.

  • Steve on March 14, 2011, 14:41 GMT

    This was so funny! Your tweet about Trotty in the treehouse had me in tears! Good Stuff!

  • Sameer Yousuf on March 14, 2011, 6:49 GMT

    Although you late to post this article. But it’s incredible!!!!!

    It was an outrageous performance by Bangladesh in CWC-2011. Bangladesh has a great come back in this tournament and firmly played against England and still their chance alive to qualify for the quarter-final.

    Accolade to Bangalis to defeated England….

  • mondy on March 13, 2011, 18:47 GMT

    u had sgombroid poisoning andy.

  • harish on March 13, 2011, 18:16 GMT

    Awesome as usual :)

  • Jaufer on March 13, 2011, 17:37 GMT

    superb one. BTW, the way the england playing now, it looks they may won the 2011 CWC.

  • john on March 13, 2011, 11:03 GMT

    why stop at lesser teams!!!, the joy i felt when i heard the result was unbelievable, well i''m being euphanistic ok, at least you have the urn to ride around trafalgur square with, what is even more humorous is that bangladesh have the same amount of wins as you blokes, and they have a game in hand.....now that is joy...bangladesh!, pmsl x 20 times

  • Pramod on March 13, 2011, 10:15 GMT

    Mohit Jain appears to be English; knows nothing about cricket and its foklore by Andy!!

  • Mahfooz (Dhaka) on March 13, 2011, 9:36 GMT

    Hello Zailtman, I belatedly read your piece owing to a nuclear meltdown of my laptop that heated up too much after the England-Bangla match at Chittagong. You pen a mean piece, Sahib! Your intrepid ancestors who once roamed this marshy delta and fought tigers and pythons, not to speak of unruly and rebellious Bengalis would be proud of you. Ever since I cut my satirical teeth on Punch (and Country Life and Home and Garden) in my misspent youth as a student in England almost half a century ago, I admit I never read a punchier piece! All is not lost for England, not yet! Keep up the satire, the wit, the lampoon and the essential humanity that pervades your writings like hot chili in a 'curry', and thereby bemuse and befuddle us, the ex-colonials! Spin your words away like Razzak's left hand sleight, mate! Well done, kudos, bravo! Really enjoyed your piece not the least for the newer magic tricks of the old Lady English whom you evidently have made your bonded but loyal mistress.

  • Matto on March 13, 2011, 8:09 GMT

    It must be hard being this funny ALL the time!

  • azwad on March 13, 2011, 5:02 GMT

    bro stop talk'in shit.........................u guys lst,simply xcept dat.u sent a bunch of losers who crack down big tyme under pressure...............so better stop show'in xcuses lyk shar'in blah, blah, blah......................xcept dat england r 3fuckin cats who go poop under pressure...............

  • smahs yafar on March 13, 2011, 2:20 GMT

    Team England, wary of the backlash received by the West Indians after they demolished Bangladesh for a paltry 58, the lowest total by a Test playing nation in World Cups, and hoping to protect their fragile bodies from stones, er, pebbles being hurled at them, decided to lose against Bangladesh.

    For precisely this reason, Broad and Pieterson, two of England's more fragile players, in a cunning move decided to feign injury prior to this match. Prior, however, was not so cunning.

    Ultimately, after this massive upset, the world shook, literally, with a magnitude 8.8 earthquake being recorded in Japan.

  • Syed on March 13, 2011, 0:54 GMT

    Enough with Kamran jokes! give the guy a break, he has a family to support, he needs to drop catches to make money with the bookies!

  • Raihan Siddique on March 12, 2011, 22:05 GMT

    Although the article is funny, I would like everyone to remember that England were the last test playing nation to be beaten by Bangladesh in a ODI. The way they played in Chittagong is more a reflection on the Bangladesh bowler's bowling , not England's batting. And the run chase, well, victory goes to the brave.

  • Mal on March 12, 2011, 21:12 GMT

    Did "omz", "Mohan", "Mohit Jain" or the gutless "anonymous" actually read the article?

    Very funny stuff Andy, enjoyed it enourmously. Those idiots wouldn't know a good piece of writing if they fell over it. Keep it up.

  • Sohel on March 12, 2011, 20:32 GMT

    Bangladesh can't afford to have a warm up win against England but England can afford to have a warm up loss against Bangladesh. Pure imperialism indeed. Probably England team needs royal family blessings such as Pope's bleesings for Vatican team.

  • Anonymous on March 12, 2011, 20:12 GMT

    It's clear that you are very much disappointed with the English performance. But it's an awesome article to read. very funny as well as entertaining. Keep going dude.

  • Sidd on March 12, 2011, 19:02 GMT

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

  • Asif on March 12, 2011, 19:01 GMT

    This is hilarious. Thanks.

  • Adriaan Rowan on March 12, 2011, 18:05 GMT

    Andy Zaltzman, you are a genius! You deserve a nobel prize for blogging

  • Kathy on March 12, 2011, 18:02 GMT

    Perhaps I should wait till you write up the SA-India game but I cannot resist commenting now. It's this matter of sports betting and form study - In racing (weights and distances being equal), if horse A beats horse B by five lengths, and horse B beats horse C by three lengths, then horse A should beat horse C, if not by eight lengths, then at least it should come home first. Right? Cricketing-wise, if India and England draw, and England beats SA, then India should also beat SA, right? Wrong ... sigh.

  • CricFan2011 on March 12, 2011, 16:18 GMT

    Andy, Mentioning Kamran’s inadequacies once were well deserved, second time was enough and the third time lost touch of any humor there was in your past articles – maybe it is time that you move on to as Nasir Hussain put it “the sloppiness” Prior showed on field in yesterday’s match. I would like to see his name mentioned in at least next two blog post hat comes out of your pen while you are on vacation. Let’s put some spotlight on another wicketkeeper.

  • Rashid Gogol on March 12, 2011, 16:01 GMT

    I was there. I was there all the time. No praises is enough for England team. For there unselfish sponsorship of ICC. This time their prey is Bangladesh. It is not difficult to understand England's objective is to become a Champion like (or even better) Pakistan (1992). It will be possible if they play their QF, SF, and Final match with all the top 3 favorites, Such as: India (might be end in the super over or bowl out or whatever they reserved for a knockout tie match), Srilanka (might be it could be end with a hattrick by James Anderson) and Ireland (the rain might come both in the first game day or the reserved day, and England might be some big fraction ahead of Ireland in net run-rate, otherwise Keven ...). Not all the sweet things; what if Kenya, Canada or any associate meets in any knockout match with England, Oh I can't think. The comedy may become a tragedy. So England have to pray for associates countries for playing associately.

  • sumit on March 12, 2011, 14:55 GMT

    hilarious.. laughed my heart out... :)))

  • Syed Raihan on March 12, 2011, 14:51 GMT

    It's okay to try to find out the reasons (or excuses?) of an English defeat, that, however, shouldn't come at the cost of not recognizing Mahmudullah and Shofiul's effort to hang on and win it for their team. If England really want to learn anything from this match, they should review their fielders and bowlers' expressions of frustration in the middle of the game. Mental strength is huge in the game of cricket. England did not show that on Friday night. Apparently Imrul Kayes, Shakib, Mahmudullah and Shofiul showed that. To me, that's what the difference was. The caption of the photograph does not tell the truth.

  • Aditya on March 12, 2011, 14:02 GMT

    Andy, wish you and fly. happy relaxing holidays ... keep away from television and radio sets .. esp. those covering England matches .. and you will be fine ..

  • microman on March 12, 2011, 13:36 GMT

    Hey Zalty, Here's a commentary on your commentary. You guy can write better than Rafael Nadal can play tennis on clay court. Your mastery over english language is as good as sachin's mastery of playing an on the rise cover drive for in the corridor balls on the offside. The skill to use the vocabulary of the rather rarely used but very deep-in-meaning kind of words from what are supposedly from English dictionary are as skillful as those of the Dale steyn's in-the-money-zone yorkers and your passion to come up with these articles just about in time before we move on from one classically finished ODI of this tournament to another one and before one could forget what happened the previous night there is your article with all and everything put into it in the smallest number of words possible but capturing maximum of the essence the match had carried, that passion is as defiant as any of the classics that we have come on to see Rahul dravid play to save all those test matches which he did

  • Vishnu on March 12, 2011, 13:28 GMT

    This is anohter very good post by the zaltman . Atleat read last two paragraph of this post.Very funny......

  • Paul Jones on March 12, 2011, 13:19 GMT

    lol.... the Vatican City. but not as funny as expected from you Andy... =\

  • irfan on March 12, 2011, 13:18 GMT

    "Their main problem now is that, after their inevitable critic-silencing rebound victory over West Indies on 17th March, they will find it hard to schedule in any more defeats from which to bounce back without being knocked out of the tournament"...........hilarious zaltz ..... U r awesome

  • omz on March 12, 2011, 13:18 GMT

    poorly written. sorry.

  • Fuad_BD on March 12, 2011, 13:11 GMT

    ''Rumours on the grapevine suggest that the ECB is urgently seeking to organise warm-up losses before the quarters, semis and final, ideally against emerging cricket nations such as Afghanistan, Honduras and the Vatican City.''-EPIC!!

  • kaustubh on March 12, 2011, 12:43 GMT

    Dear

    I liked the way you have described yesterdays Englands performance. I also wonder what has gone wrong with these players, it was so nice to see them play as a unit in Ashes but today the fabic seems to be loosed up.

    The areas like england sharing the joy of trymph with other nations is quite refreshing.

    Looking forward to read from you. Take care

  • Prash on March 12, 2011, 11:40 GMT

    ok

  • Varun Bhatia on March 12, 2011, 11:02 GMT

    The author appears downcast and one cannot blame him. England have played horrific cricket to be in this position. A team with dreams of being the best in the world should be doing better.

  • Sadiq on March 12, 2011, 10:55 GMT

    Cool article. I can totally relate with ur sufferings, andy!!

  • t-mac on March 12, 2011, 10:54 GMT

    Share joy of winning with lesser teams??? I've got news for you buddy. Bangladesh isn't a "LESSER" team. England is sh!t.

  • Yash on March 12, 2011, 10:38 GMT

    Epic. EPIC!

  • cricsom5667 on March 12, 2011, 10:10 GMT

    Another good one Andy after a brief hiatus ! but I share the sentiments - England has taken upon itself to couter Ricky Ponting every way i.e. even proving that the minnows do need to be encouraged and persisted with albeit with a beating to the colonial pride not withstanding.

  • Karthik Kumar on March 12, 2011, 10:05 GMT

    Maybe England is playing a strategic game in the same vein as the famous dropped catch by Clive Lloyd of Geoffrey Boycott! Though, what the strategy may be, is solely and firmly locked in Strauss' head:-)

  • Mohan on March 12, 2011, 9:58 GMT

    This article does not say the real nature of the game played;The author is not specific to the point and the title seems absurd.No team will like to lose for the sake of a lesser strengthed team's victory.Zaltzman has really cooked up a story to serve it for their Englishmen.

  • oldfartgp on March 12, 2011, 9:43 GMT

    Wasn't aware the Vatican was into cricket. Would be interesting actually - the Vatican would be the one "cricketing" nation with the cash and influence to rival the BCCI!

    Great column, Andy - always happy to read about England snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

  • Khuram Khan on March 12, 2011, 9:33 GMT

    "Luckily, Mahmudullah and Shafiul Islam managed to Heimlich manoeuvre the innings back to health before the choke proved fatal. Bangladesh as a nation has not been traditionally renowned for heroic match-winning 9th wicket partnerships, which makes yesterday’s determined and brilliantly executed performance all the more laudable."

    Nicely put.I am a Pakistani,and I am impressed with Mahmudullah's reading and handling of the precarious situation.He guided Shafiul Isalm very intelligently and both made English bowlers,who had terrorised top and middle order,look ordinery.The B'Desh captain during post match interview gave away the ordinery stuff he is made of.B'Desh cricket has reached a new level and the man taking it to this level should be The Captain.He is MAHMUDULLAH. Not to forget your this piece,it was tasty as usual.

  • Nirmal Kirtisinghe on March 12, 2011, 9:28 GMT

    Andy, you do realise that if England gets beaten by the West Indies...

    You know the rest. I don't have to spell it out for you.

    Unless you are a masochist...

  • NALINWIJ on March 12, 2011, 9:21 GMT

    Great way to describe English performance as spreading joy to minnows and I suppose a qualification series that could have been put to rest last night remains alive. England actually used to dominate in the mid 50s with men like Barnacle Bailey and Barrington who cold not be accused of entertainment. England's cliffhanger in the first practice match against Canada set the tone that they will play cliffhangers to amuse crowds irrespective of opposition with the exception of Pakistan who liked to be unpredictable.

  • Amit Gaharwar on March 12, 2011, 9:08 GMT

    "to share the joys of cricketing triumph with nations who have seen too little of it" - Plain hilarious!!! Hail England to kill two birds with one stone I mean loss :). Not only they are making Group 'B' really group of death but they are also saving ODIs from T20 onslaught by being part of nerve-wrecking thrillers ...

  • hari on March 12, 2011, 9:03 GMT

    Where do I get tickets to the England vs. Vatican City match. Is good ol' King Henry there. The matter of his divorce could've been settled on the pitch ... Whatsay Zaltzy ...

  • siva on March 12, 2011, 8:51 GMT

    I find your blogs so much interesting and funny!! Keep up your great work.

  • Rebel Without-A-Cause on March 12, 2011, 8:40 GMT

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

  • Anonymous on March 12, 2011, 8:38 GMT

    The reading was NOT interesting !!

  • John on March 12, 2011, 8:34 GMT

    Try sticking Sticking to the cricket might be a good idea, as exciting as your life is.....sticking it to Straussie for his lack of graciousness...stick to your day job if lop-sided cultural humour comprises more than 5% of your 'laughs'....applause tho' for sticking with the family.

  • The Pope on March 12, 2011, 8:28 GMT

    Hopefully the Vetican City will agree to play with the Englishmen!!!

  • Dimmy harold on March 12, 2011, 8:25 GMT

    England wl bounce back,vry nice wrtn by zaltzman

  • arnab on March 12, 2011, 8:24 GMT

    Awesome!

  • Anonymous on March 12, 2011, 8:22 GMT

    Late onset post-imperial guilt...seriously funny.

  • Saiful Islam on March 12, 2011, 8:22 GMT

    warm up losses...too funny

  • Ahmed on March 12, 2011, 8:20 GMT

    LOL.

    You filed late but this was brilliant. The Post-Imperial joke is one of your best so far. Definitely use that again.

    Also the reference to Vatican as a cricketing nation. That's really funny.

    Of course, the article would not be complete without a Kamran Akmal joke. A good one that came out during the Cricinfo commentary recently was: "What is Cricinfo's new section about the Akmal Brothers called? -- Dropplegangers."

    I'm a Pakistan supporter, but this year England is providing the drama. Maybe drama is directly related to the amount of curry a nation consumes -- and chicken tikka masala is England's national food.

    BTW. Given the way England are playing right now, there is no guarantee they would beat Afghanistan.

  • Hosford on March 12, 2011, 8:20 GMT

    I feel your pain Andy. I'm an Australian born in 1990 to whom the concept of Ashes defeat was as foreign as the make-up of England's squad in 2005. I caught Chicken Pox (yes at 15 not 3 as would be sensible) basically on the final day at the Oval and was bedridden for two weeks onward.

  • Mohit Jain on March 12, 2011, 8:20 GMT

    Hi there, who are you and what's your article about?

  • adnan on March 12, 2011, 8:00 GMT

    "ECB is urgently seeking to organise warm-up losses".....hilarious. Great as ever Andy. Thanx a lot.

  • Nishant Srivastava on March 12, 2011, 7:55 GMT

    "Wisden obituary (“a flamboyant and irrepressible strokeplayer who was denied international honours only by the misfortune of his own genetic makeup, selectorial prejudice against rubbish cricketers, and his inability to play flamboyant and/or irrepressible strokes”)"

    Priceless ! Excellent Andy !

  • Gladi on March 12, 2011, 7:50 GMT

    awesome as always!!!

  • No featured comments at the moment.

  • Gladi on March 12, 2011, 7:50 GMT

    awesome as always!!!

  • Nishant Srivastava on March 12, 2011, 7:55 GMT

    "Wisden obituary (“a flamboyant and irrepressible strokeplayer who was denied international honours only by the misfortune of his own genetic makeup, selectorial prejudice against rubbish cricketers, and his inability to play flamboyant and/or irrepressible strokes”)"

    Priceless ! Excellent Andy !

  • adnan on March 12, 2011, 8:00 GMT

    "ECB is urgently seeking to organise warm-up losses".....hilarious. Great as ever Andy. Thanx a lot.

  • Mohit Jain on March 12, 2011, 8:20 GMT

    Hi there, who are you and what's your article about?

  • Hosford on March 12, 2011, 8:20 GMT

    I feel your pain Andy. I'm an Australian born in 1990 to whom the concept of Ashes defeat was as foreign as the make-up of England's squad in 2005. I caught Chicken Pox (yes at 15 not 3 as would be sensible) basically on the final day at the Oval and was bedridden for two weeks onward.

  • Ahmed on March 12, 2011, 8:20 GMT

    LOL.

    You filed late but this was brilliant. The Post-Imperial joke is one of your best so far. Definitely use that again.

    Also the reference to Vatican as a cricketing nation. That's really funny.

    Of course, the article would not be complete without a Kamran Akmal joke. A good one that came out during the Cricinfo commentary recently was: "What is Cricinfo's new section about the Akmal Brothers called? -- Dropplegangers."

    I'm a Pakistan supporter, but this year England is providing the drama. Maybe drama is directly related to the amount of curry a nation consumes -- and chicken tikka masala is England's national food.

    BTW. Given the way England are playing right now, there is no guarantee they would beat Afghanistan.

  • Saiful Islam on March 12, 2011, 8:22 GMT

    warm up losses...too funny

  • Anonymous on March 12, 2011, 8:22 GMT

    Late onset post-imperial guilt...seriously funny.

  • arnab on March 12, 2011, 8:24 GMT

    Awesome!

  • Dimmy harold on March 12, 2011, 8:25 GMT

    England wl bounce back,vry nice wrtn by zaltzman