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It may only be April, but surely the search for cricket's quote of the year is over. Step forward, Pakistan Cricket Board chairman M Zaka Ashraf, who says of the disgraced umpires affair: "The PCB has a zero-tolerance policy for corruption or indiscipline."
Keep an eye out for the following news stories this week.
Graeme Smith: "I will teach Surrey youngsters that cricket is a beautiful form of poetry"
Australian selectors: "We are 100% confident in our rock-solid batting"
Boycott considers alternative point of view - reports
Player carried off with sunstroke in County Championship clash as Durham basks in heatwave
Pietersen: "The team comes first, always"
BCCI: "We just want to work together with the rest of the world for the good of the game"
MCC members approve plan for skateboard park; say: "It's all about the young people"
Warne latest: no media appearances or opinions this week
England cricketer just happy to be playing cricket for country, money and unconcerned about workload
Kate Middleton spotted at County Championship match - 16-page photospread of the cricket action inside
ICC plan finally pays off as America goes crazy for cricket and turns back on baseball, basketball, Cheetos
Broad keeps rag
West Indies Cricket Board: "We will not tolerate executive meddling in team affairs"
Publicity-shy Flintoff now living as recluse
Yorkshire cricket fans "happy"
Jonathan Trott: "I just live for the moment"
ECB: "Quality not quantity of cricket is the key"
South African cricketer sensationally snubs England in favour of South Africa
Botham: "Tactics and field settings have moved on since my day"
England cricket fans in frenzy for New Zealand tickets
McGrath "just not sure" what is going to happen in Ashes
Ravi Shastri "underwhelmed" by IPL action
Shilpa Shetty to take up supervisory role on ICC Umpires panel
Australia's latest seam bowling sensation stays fit for entire day
And finally, skateboarding squirrel to bat at three for Australia in Ashes
All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?
WG Grace Ate My Pedalo, the only cricket journal from 1896 you will ever need, is hereFeeds: Alan Tyers
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Alan Tyers writes about sport for the Daily Telegraph and others. He is the author of six books published by Bloomsbury, all of them with pictures by the brilliant illustrator Beach. The most recent is Tutenkhamen's Tracksuit: The History of Sport in 100ish Objects. Alan is one of many weak links in the world's worst cricket team, the Twenty Minuters.