What they said about the England ODIs
Ashley Giles: "Obviously this series was just a training exercise ahead of more important developmental practice series to come. It's not about getting the results today, it's about putting ourselves in a position to not get a result tomorrow."
Kevin Pietersen: "I think it's fantastic that Michael Carberry has had his chance. I mean, taken his chance. Fantastic. I wish him all the best in whatever he does next."
Michael Carberry: "I'll just go back to my county and carry on working on my running."
Matthew Wade: "I'm going to work on my pre-match sledging. And catching."
Shane Watson: "I've waited a long time for this moment. Knowing I won't have to see Pup for two months means a lot to me."
Boyd Rankin: "I've dreamed of pulling on this shirt for so many weeks now that I've almost lost count."
Chris Jordan: "Me too. Begorrah and to be sure, to be sure, kiss the blarney stone, oh Danny Boy. Is that the right country's accent?"
James Anderson: "Disappointed to miss bowling at Southampton in the middle of the night? Oh yeah. Definitely. It's these matches that you really look forward to maybe possibly watching a bit of on the telly."
Ian Bell: "Well, obviously, as I say it's a case of very much so you know."
James Tredwell: "The horror! The horror!"
Sir Ian Botham: "If England had put fielders everywhere I told them then they wouldn't have leaked so many runs."
Shane Warne's spokesman: "Shane and Liz would like some privacy at this time while they work out who will get custody of the publicity."
ECB Marketing: "If people liked September 10pm cricket, they'll love midnight starts in Aberdeen in January. This one is going to sell big time."
Southampton A&E: "We can confirm that we have treated several spectators for frostbite."
Edgbaston management: "Frostbite? Luxury. We dream of frostbite. A nice bit of frostbite in the dry."
Michael Clarke: "We were all really proud of Mitchell's performance and we let him sing the team victory song as a treat."
Darren Lehmann: "The singing went well. And once we'd explained to Mitchell that it wasn't Kylie's 'Do The Locomotion', he really got the hang of it."
Mitchell Johnson: "Mitch did bowling good and they given Mitch biscuit. Now Ashes comes! More biscuit for Mitch, yes please?"
More innermost made-up thoughts revealed in CrickiLeaks: The Secret Ashes Diaries, here