September 27, 2013

A guide to Surrey's double-ton hero Dominic Sibley

Some incredible* facts about the youngest-ever player to score a double-hundred in the County Championship

1) Dominic Sibley is so young that he does not speak in actual words but instead communicated with his batting partner, Hashim Amla, in text messages.

2) At 18 years and 21 days, thanks to the selling off of playing fields and putting the sport on Sky, Dominic Sibley is in fact the youngest person in Britain to know what cricket actually is.

3) Some of Dominic's Surrey team-mates are old enough to be his DAD! Assuming they had kids at 11.

4) Which could totally happen, you know what young people are like these days, the disgusting little degenerates, at it like knives, texting each other pictures of their unmentionables. In our day, you had to do a water colour of your toilet parts and post it to your sweetheart, which took forever and really killed the moment.

5) Not that Dominic Sibley's up to that sort of caper, obviously. He seems like a very nice young man.

6) On Monday, it's back to school for Dominic Sibley, where hopefully he will continue to learn how to be better at cricket than most of Surrey's dreadful players this season.

7) Fatigued by his heroic innings, Dominic Sibley had to go and have quiet time followed by milk and biscuits but there are still concerns that he might be overtired later.

8) When Dominic Sibley was born, a pint of milk cost just 36p but you couldn't leave your house because the Britpop wars between Blur and Oasis raged so fiercely.

9) By the time Dominic Sibley is as old as team-mate Vikram Solanki, cricket will be played by robots in hovering jetpacks, with Vikram Solanki still a fixture in the Surrey middle order.

10) Dominic Sibley is studying for A-levels in core curriculum subjects including Blackberry Messengering, Tekkers, and Like Whatever.

11) The previous holder of the record for the youngest double-century by an Englishman was WG Grace, who made 237 while in the womb, refusing to leave the birthing canal until a caught and bowled was overturned.

* made-up