Nana Boycs

Like a certain former England captain, she has a degree in people

Ganguly's return, and India's demotion

And what will happen if Yuvraj and Kohli take over the world?

Nana Boycs

Comments: 30 | Text size: A | A
Yuvraj Singh can barely control his emotions, while Virat Kohli is all smiles, India v Sri Lanka, final, World Cup 2011, Mumbai, April 2, 2011
Yuvraj Singh has the news broken to him that Akshay Kumar will play him in UV: The Movie © Getty Images
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What would happen if Ganguly comes back again next year and gets the orange cap? asks Aishwarya Pandey
I hope it give us a break from those insufferable Chennai fans, who seem to think everyone loathes the IPL only because they won again. But then, who in this world has the energy to deal with the rabid Bengali fans of Ganguly? And won't the fans of Pune - if that's who he plays for - get all possessive and call him aamcha Dada? Just thinking about all of it is quite sick-making.

Here are some things I believe would happen as consequences of Ganguly's incredible form: Tendulkar will be shocked into retirement; a disgusted Gayle will return to West Indies cricket; Bopara will return to the IPL with tail tucked between legs; Shahrukh Khan will act in a movie because he's too upset to ham; and Allen Stanford will float a new IPL team in which Jacob Martin will have a 2% stake.

What will happen if India is suddenly listed as an Associate nation and barred from the 2015 World Cup? asks Sagar Vaidya
I get the feeling you're one of those smug India supporters who expects the answer to include the words "catastrophe", "impossible" and "ridiculous humdudgeon". Well, you won't find them here. Every team and country goes through peaks and troughs. West Indies come to mind. India's time, hard as it is to believe, will come too. The World Cup will go on just as usual, just a tad poorer perhaps. But it will jig up Associate cricket, won't it? I can see Afghanistan-India emerging as a great new rivalry. And no more nonsense India-Sri Lanka games at dull Motera or SSC. Instead, Indian players will get to visit Rotterdam, Ayr, Nairobi and that old favourite, Toronto. The expats, always the most loyal fans, will enjoy that. I'd pay to watch Ravi Shastri scream "Goedenavond Sportpark Het Schootsveld. Are you ready?"

But perhaps you weren't looking for praise for India. Perhaps you put the question to highlight the plight of the Associates, by hypothetically placing India in their position and telling the world exactly how awful it is to be rejected. Devilishly genius of you, then.

What if the Indian captaincy is not enough for Yuvraj? What if he wants world domination along with his sidekick Virat Kohli? asks Meghbartma Gautam
Have you offered this idea to Marvel Comics? If you haven't, I will. There's definitely a market for it in the subcontinent: supermen with five 'o'clock shadow and shades of grey who do murder with the bat and with pick-up lines. I can already see the movie version, starring Alfred Molina and Jersey Shore's Pauly D.

A world ruled by Yuvraj and vice-captained by Kohli will probably be one where it's okay for men to cry (and not shave) and where women are very, very important. Also, bhangra singers will outstage J Bieber and K West. Yes, the stereotypes are terrible, but isn't this world more appealing than the one we live in? If Y and V are really planning to take control, I'm signing up as Chief Elder.

I want to skip the boring international tours. Do you have any tips on how I do that without facing the disapproval of the board, the media and the fans? asks VS
Let me tell you a story. There was once a boy who refused to eat his vegetables. He loved his proteins but wouldn't touch the greens. And because his parents let him have his way, he grew up to be a chunky fellow who needed a calculator to subtract two from eight. The "boring" tours are the veggies that build character and make you strong. And if you skip them, you're bound to make an ass of yourself on the so-called interesting ones. You may argue that the experience of playing in Bangladesh isn't going to help you in South Africa. You're wrong. All the golf you'll play there will obviously aid your drive and build upper-body strength.

Leave your questions for Nana Boycs in the comments below

Nana Boycs was speaking to Samantha Pendergrast while hunting for her car keys - which she eventually found under the sofa cushions

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Comments: 30 
Posted by   on (June 7, 2011, 13:09 GMT)

haha devilishly genius of you

Posted by harshalb on (June 7, 2011, 4:16 GMT)

What will happen when Ejaz Butt becomes ICC chief?

Posted by   on (June 7, 2011, 1:38 GMT)

what if inspiring by martin crow, we see names like javagal sreenath, venkatesh prasad, gary kirsten, johnty rhodes in next ipl auction?

Posted by   on (June 7, 2011, 0:39 GMT)

Its funny cuz the the person asking the last question is Virender Sehwag

Posted by ushakiran on (June 6, 2011, 21:10 GMT)

who do u think India's great captain? i could say dada is greatest.becoz he shows us how to win matches.who doesn't know how to win.with 5 r 6 good players.don't say dhoni anyone can win this with 11 perfect players and also little bit strong bench also.

Posted by Aloke_Mondkar on (June 6, 2011, 20:10 GMT)

Truly boring article..another few of these and Nana can go back to her village in Yorkshire and retire!

Posted by   on (June 6, 2011, 15:54 GMT)

hahahhah.....too good......

Posted by   on (June 6, 2011, 15:07 GMT)

Boring.Boring.Boring.Boring.Boring.Boring.(does that add up to 25 characters?)

Posted by Harshtmm on (June 6, 2011, 13:12 GMT)

I like most of the comments and see the funny side it. Except men crying, it is not a funny thing and even under Gods rule it is ok for men to cry. Real men cry, and those that are just male and not men don't. They think men don't cry, as they don't understand what it is to be a man.

Posted by   on (June 6, 2011, 13:02 GMT)

Ha ha! Good one Nana................

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