The Heavy Ball

This, that and the other. Mostly the other

Stuart and Ash

Australia 47 all out

Things could have gotten a lot worse at Newlands if it hadn't been for some good old Australian honesty. Our commentators explain

Alex Bowden

Comments: 21 | Text size: A | A
Brad Haddin delayed England's celebration with a stylish half-century, Australia v England, 4th Test, Melbourne, 4th day, December 29, 2010
Brad Haddin also operates as a human lie-detector © Getty Images
Enlarge

Stuart: Well, astonishing scenes here at Newlands, where Australia have been bowled out for just 47. What do you make of that, Ash? Can you say anything in the Aussies' favour after that performance?

Ash: They were true to themselves, Stu. They were true to their natural games.

Stuart: And that's good, is it?

Ash: Oh yeah, you should always play your natural game. That's what got these guys into the team in the first place, after all.

Stuart: It strikes me that if you've been bowled out for 47 playing your natural game then you probably couldn't do much worse if you adapted that game slightly, reacting to the conditions a little bit.

Ash: No, you're dead wrong there, Stu. That's the thing about cricket. There are no extremes. Things could always have gone worse.

Stuart: Or better.

Ash: If the Aussie batsmen hadn't played their natural game, the situation could have been a lot worse.

Stuart: Worse than 47 all out?

Ash: Oh yeah, at least they got after the bowlers a bit. They were only out there for 18 overs. Imagine if they'd reined themselves in and only scored at one or two an over. They'd have been dismissed for 20-odd.

Stuart: But they might not have been dismissed so easily had they done that.

Ash: Nope. Rubbish. Sometimes there's a ball with your name on it and there's literally nothing you can do about it. Far better to cash in before then, get a few boundaries, get the scoreboard moving.

Stuart: Well, Peter Siddle was the only batsman to hit multiple boundaries. He hit two. Seven of the batsmen didn't even make it to four runs in their entire innings, let alone in one shot.

Ash: But they were true to themselves, Stu. True to their approach.

Stuart: I really don't know what you're trying to say. Did you actually see Brad Haddin's dismissal?

Ash: A perfect example of a batsman being true to himself.

Stuart: What? Ambling down the pitch and wafting at a short ball brainlessly?

Ash: That's his natural game, Stu. He naturally wafts at short balls without using his brain. Why should he be criticised for his brainlessness?

Stuart: Because it got him out.

Ash: Brad Haddin's brainlessness has been the making of him. Operating without a brain is how Brad Haddin got into this Australia team. If operating brainlessly also gets him out of this Australia team, then at least he can look back on his career and say that he played his natural game and was true to himself.

Stuart: Any other positives for the Australians, Ash?

Ash: Shane Watson's strike rate.

Stuart: Four off three balls?

Ash: A strike rate of 133.33.

Stuart: Over the course of three balls.

Ash: It was as high as 200 at one point in his innings, Stu. He got his team off to a flier.

Stuart: He got South Africa off to a flier.

Ash: He got everyone off to a flier. Great cricketer. Great approach.

Stuart: True to his natural game?

Ash: True to his natural game.

RSS FeedAlex Bowden blogs at King Cricket.
All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?

Tell us what you think. Send us your feedback

© ESPN Sports Media Ltd.

Comments: 21 
Posted by kasyapm on (November 23, 2011, 11:44 GMT)

Excellent sarcastic piece!

Posted by Skuxxen on (November 22, 2011, 21:51 GMT)

haha classic! Everyone justifies failure by saying they were playing their "natural game" whats wrong with adapting slightly to the conditions?

Posted by   on (November 22, 2011, 11:48 GMT)

I absolutely love this series of articles. Keep it up!

Posted by   on (November 22, 2011, 6:36 GMT)

@srivatsan - whilst we're at it, how about a write up of India's 42 all out against England?

Posted by   on (November 22, 2011, 2:26 GMT)

Be nice if people grasped that these aren't the serious articles here.

Posted by srivatsan on (November 22, 2011, 1:41 GMT)

While you are at this, can you write about England's 46 all out against West Indies!

Posted by Ben1989 on (November 22, 2011, 0:22 GMT)

I agree with gazelle, I was extremely irritated at the 47 all out but this just gives a bit of humor to the matter & pup's level headed approach!

Posted by gazelle79 on (November 21, 2011, 17:48 GMT)

@finncam , lighten up . This is meant for laughs . Whats wrong in laughing ? Btw , Haddin's innings today was certainly " his natural game " . Lots of wafts and edges , but he did get through eventually .

Posted by finncam on (November 21, 2011, 16:12 GMT)

Playing their natural game, Haddin and Johnson just helped Oz beat SA. Giggle away, KC, but the jokes on you.

Posted by Krutik_P on (November 21, 2011, 15:58 GMT)

Shane Watson part was funny as hell!! HAHAHA!!

Comments have now been closed for this article

Email this page to a friend Email Feedback Feedback Print Print
More in The Heavy Ball
RSS FeedAll
  • ESPN
  • ESPNF1
  • Scrum
  • Soccernet