This, that and the other. Mostly the other
Do batsmen with more time at the crease live longer?
It sounds like something straight out of Freakonomics but it's true: research into whether some batsmen in fact age slower due to the amount of "extra time" they appear to have when facing a ball is being conducted by scientists at the University of Western Australia. The focus on the experiment is none other than Sachin Tendulkar, who, experts explain, is the best available subject due to the sheer amount of time he has spent over the years enjoying the extra time at the crease that he makes for himself.
Scientists concede that while there have been all manner of experiments done already to try and unlock the secrets of immortality, none have been as persuasive or exciting as this one. "The evidence is right there before us," said one researcher. "I mean, just look at Sachin's skin! And don't even get me started on that hair..."
Brett Lee announces retirement; music fans apprehensive
Brett Lee's shock retirement from all forms of the game has left many people in the lurch, but perhaps none more so than music fans, who now fear that Lee might return his attentions to what he has, in the past, called singing.
"Playing hard to get are we / It's time I went away / But hold your breath / I don't give up / I'm back again in May", he threatened on the duet he cut with presumably embarrassed Indian legend Asha Bhosle. Is it any wonder, then, that the steadily depleting numbers of people who do not listen to Justin Bieber are as anxious as they are? Go well, Brett Lee. But if you absolutely have to come back in May, please, for the love of all that is holy, leave your guitar behind.
Afridi applauds Pietersen decision
Shahid Afridi has spoken of his admiration for Kevin Pietersen's recent decision to change his mind about playing limited-overs cricket for England, less than two months after announcing his retirement from the same. That is all.
BCCI objects to Taibu leaving cricket
The BCCI has voiced its displeasure at Tatenda Taibu signing a new contract with God. "As far as we are concerned, Taibu still belongs to the Kolkata Knight Riders," declared Rajiv Shukla. "IPL policy clearly states that players who attempt to negotiate new contracts with other teams or entities, such that they are, do so at their own risk." Shukla went on to hint in no uncertain terms that should Taibu continue to pursue his current course of action in devoting the rest of his life over to the service of the Lord, the BCCI will be forced to penalise him. "We will not stand for having one of our players being poached by a higher power at the prime of his talents," he asserted. "And we will certainly not stand for the assumption that there is a power higher than the BCCI."
Tino's trying his… hardest
Tino Best has revealed that he is fighting a losing battle trying to stop himself from pointing to his name on the back of his jersey every time he gets a wicket. "I have been actively discouraged from doing that," admitted Best, "because it apparently gives off the impression that I am being arrogant. They've even got me wearing one of my team-mate's jerseys during practice in the hopes of making me think twice about pointing at the name on my back." Whose jersey would that be?
Pietersen pulls a switch hit on retirement; sportswriters don't "go there".
Sportswriters around the world appear to have been successful in reining in the temptation to use the term "switch hit" to describe Kevin Pietersen's volte-face on retirement from limited overs cricket. Writers should be congratulated for having apparently decided, correctly, that using the phrase in relation to recent events would have been symptomatic of lazy writing, and an insult to their craft. Indeed, a Google check at the time of writing this piece revealed no such opportunistic usage of the words to that end. Until now.
Olympics to finally make its debut in cricket?
If all goes according to plan, the Olympics may finally get to feature in a cricket tournament in the near future. "It's been a long struggle trying to get the Games to feature in a major cricketing tournament like the World Cup," said Sebastian Coe, current chairman of the Olympics. "We were hoping to have at least a part of our opening ceremony feature at the start of the T20 World Cup in September, but while we have been told that it won't be possible this year, they have tentatively pencilled us in for the 2048 World Cup to be held in Shanghai."
It has long been hoped that having the Olympics feature in a World Cup will promote athletics and other sports to cricket audiences, especially in India.
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All quotes and some "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?
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