This, that and the other. Mostly the other
Teams: Sri Lanka
Sri Lanka Cricket has launched a vitriolic attack on the media and fans for "delusional and grandiose" expectations placed on the board.
"It's absurd," said a spokesman. "We have proven time and again, over many years no less, that we are completely and utterly baffled as to how to run this organisation, but people continue to hope this will change. We've racked up hundreds of millions of dollars in debt, built grounds and facilities which we've since abandoned, and defied all logic by picking Kapugedera. And what do we get for it? Some condescending BS about how the SLPL might change Sri Lankan cricket. Honestly, the board is getting a little fed up of it all.
"We can understand that people like to be optimistic but you need to be fair in your assessments. I challenge anyone to produce evidence or facts that would lead to such utopian thoughts about the SLC. As an organisation we feel that it is quite selfish on the part of those who place this pressure on us."
The statement came on the back of fans protesting SLC's plans to not play any away Tests for most of 2013. The public had been relatively satisfied with the board's running of the SLPL, which pundits had hoped would pave the way for better domestic structures and more attention to the traditional format of the game.
"I think we need to take some of the responsibility for that. The SLPL was well organised by our standards, so we can see how fans would get the wrong impression. But they seem to have forgotten the pay disputes, alleged sex scandals and that Super Sopper that just wouldn't work.
"Some people like to detach themselves from reality. They want to be swept up in this big wave of change and be on the brink of something better. I'm sorry, but that just isn't how we operate."
Surprisingly, Sri Lankan fans have responded sympathetically to the board's reaction. "I honestly had no idea that I was causing so much trouble by expecting the board to display an iota of professionalism or forward thinking," said one from Colombo.
Even battle-hardened antagonists of the board seem to have eased up in their criticism. "This has been a bit of an eye-opener. I mean, it's all well and good for us to expect SLC not to run Sri Lanka's cricket into the ground, but obviously there are two sides to every story. I'm more than happy to let my love for Test cricket take a back seat, and I promise to delete all the anti-SLC memes I've been creating on my computer."
When pressed to comment on the scrapping of next year's Test matches, the board official had this to say: "We are scrapping the Test matches to replace them with provincial cricket. I thought that was obvious. Look, if you are going to be hell-bent on a cricket board that functions solely for the betterment of the country's game, then you may as well follow English or Australian cricket. We took an oath to run cricket, not to run it well."
Damith Samarakoon is a Sri Lankan cricket fanatic living in Sydney. He blogs regularly at www.theflyslip.net
All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?
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