Bangladesh refuse to host India

January 18, 2020: The Bangladesh board has rejected India's request for a one-off Test later this month because it wants to rest its players before the marquee series against New Zealand in February.

The BCCI said it was "disappointed" by the cancellation but hoped the tour could be rescheduled whenever the BCB found it convenient.

"Our players are all playing in the Dhaka leagues, so they have a good grasp of the local conditions," said a BCCI spokesperson. "So when the tour does take place, Bangladesh can expect a tough fight. We won't roll over easily this time."

For over a year now India have been struggling to find teams willing to play bilaterals with them. Their brief experiment of foregoing international cricket and only playing the IPL worked spectacularly in 2016, but interest in the tournament fizzled out when Shahrukh Khan chose to renounce the world and head to the Himalayas for a spot of meditation. Though he returned a month later, with severe sunburn and an encyclopaedic knowledge of snowfall patterns, viewers continued to shun the IPL, preferring instead to collect outside cricket stadiums and play their own matches in the parking lots.

Bangladesh have had a gruelling schedule over the last 12 months, and it's the tour of New Zealand that is expected to test their No. 1 ranking the most. The rivalry between the two sides dates back to the enthralling World Cup final of 2015, which New Zealand won by one wicket after Chris Martin hit a blistering 90 off 40 balls while suffering cramps, a broken hand, colour blindness, a willow allergy and a ticklish sensation in his ears.

The boards of the two countries signed record television rights deals right after their famous drawn series in 2015-16, and announced unprecedented profits.

But with the large amounts of money came problems. Apart from the two boards tearing up the Future Tours Programme, New Zealand took what many consider to be an unreasonable stance over the DRS, demanding spy satellites be used for ball-tracking and that only Nobel-prize winning physicists be allowed to predict the path of the ball.

The Indian board is close to bankruptcy, still fighting its players in court over whose responsibility it is to pay the excess-baggage charge the players racked up during their last tour of Bangladesh, where they bought pirated DVDs of the hit ficto-reality* show If You Cry Over Spilt Milk It Will Curdle.

Experts believe the balance of world cricket is under serious threat because of the superstardom achieved by New Zealand's players. Apart from their presence being crucial to the success of T20 leagues across the world, they are also in demand to host the Oscars, make appearances at birthday parties for millionaire babies, and pose for Playgirl centrefolds.

Last year New Zealand captain Kane Williamson arrived late for a tour of Australia so he could attend the Grammys to accept the Best Rock Song award for "We'll Never Eat Crowe", which he co-wrote with teen pop sensation Saul Wrötte.

Bangladesh are expected to announce their 15-man playing squad, 25-man support squad and three-woman yin-infusing squad on January 24.

Banglafan11#: Come on Tigers! Make pulp of Kiwi fruits

Tiger_Mahmud: Guys, it's not going to be that easy to beat New Zealand. We mustn't be over-confident. I hope coach Shakib is working on plans on how to dismiss Brendon McCullum. He was brilliant against India last month.

EnZedblessyou: God! BMac needs to retire, man, How long will he hold on to a place in the side based on his scores against minnow teams? He's keeping more deserving batsmen out.

ChampofIndia: @EnZedblessyou, excuse me, but who are you calling a minnow? India was the No. 1 Test side and won the World Cup in 2011, I'll have you know. Check your facts brother before saying rubbish about my team.

EnZedblessyou: @ChampofIndia, oh great one more irate India fan who can't help but hold to the brief glory that 2011 brought him. Snap out of it, mate, you guys are history

Pakcrackerjack2000: Guys, ignore the Indian loser. Obviously he'll live in past only when he and his board controlled world cricket and took advantage of the rest of us. How does it feel to be on the other side, champ?

Dravid_fan: Yes, it's like the cycle of life. India were financial leaders of world cricket just like England before them. Now the power base has shifted to Bangladesh and New Zealand. But don't make the mistakes England and India made. Be humble and understand your responsibilities. Cricket needs you to be magnanimous statesmen.

ShereBanglacric2: Shut it Dravid_fan. Leave the hand-wringing save-cricket-from-dying pleas for Cricinfo's writers to write about