Dude, where's my bike?
Stock the fridge with milk, fill up the fuel tank and give it up for India's captain
© Ashish Padlekar
Captain Cool (with apologies to Chris Gayle)
In a nutshell
Unfettered, long-haired, milk-drinking, bike-riding, small-town football goalie turned wicketkeeper-axeman turned short-haired, unflappable captain-cum-finisher. With Z class security.
Exactly how cool is he?
How many other cricketers do you know who have a posse of lady bodyguards to keep the female admirers at bay?
So he's much in demand?
He was mobbed by a crowd of hundreds when he went for a haircut once.
How much in demand did you say?
He once had to meet a bunch of old friends in a rail yard and have a meal with them in a train parked there.
Being irritatingly composed at moments of intense stress on the field.
Guns, bikes, first-person shooter games.
Likes to read
Books on guns and bikes.
Does not like
Having temples built in his honour.
Modelling himself on the various kids in TV ads who make a career out of breaking windows by sending cricket balls through them.
Turning up on TV in a bathtub in an ad for Mysore Sandalwood soap.
The scissor shot, a vicious swipe played with both feet off the ground and crossed.
Acclaimed left-field move I
Getting Joginder Sharma to bowl crucial death overs in Twenty20s.
Acclaimed left-field move II
Deciding to get a bachelor's in commerce at St Xavier's in Patna (leading excited female students to shriek, "But how will we study with him here?") and then not turning up for classes.
An accomplished speaker of Japanese, he can deliver the phrase "Suzuki Hayabusa" in a flawless accent.
"Of course". Obviously.
Favourite gardening implement
Gasoline in the morning.
Most likely to turn up in/on
A "Got Milk?" ad.
An ad, any ad.
An Ed Hardy t-shirt and Oakleys.
Least likely to turn up in/at
An all-time elegant players XI.
Government awards ceremonies.
Did you know?
He once bought 10 pairs of RM Williams boots in Australia.
Most likely profession if he hadn't made it in cricket
Machete-wielding, boot-wearing, undergrowth-clearing expert on jungle expeditions.
Spokesman for the automotive industry, public speaker on the harmful effects of calcium deficiency in children.
Fictional character he used to be a dead ringer for, with his milk-drinking, hard-hitting ways
Fictional character he's a dead ringer for, now that he seems to have lost his attacking mojo
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