The Surfer

The events at the Sydney Cricket Ground were immensely forgettable. Teams raged against each other, supporters seemed to take up arms and allegations of racism were in the air. It seemed, on the surface at least, that it was a cricketing issue, umpires might have got it wrong and the definition of the spirit of the game grew increasingly far-fetched, but it soon grew into a much bigger problem ...

For Pinter, as for so many, the game’s ancient home was much more than a place where cricket is played. It was there that he went in his student days, bunking off from RADA to watch ’the Middlesex twins’, Denis Compton and Bill Edrich, and nothing could erase those golden memories.

Border does not feel out of place. He loves cricket folk and has always enjoyed a beer. Moreover his only other active gig in the game these days is playing with old mates in a beach cricket competition sponsored by an Australian beer company.

Australia's selectors must by now have devised a contingency plan for the opener's position in the increasingly likely event Hayden draws the curtain on his career after the Sydney Test. His dismissal for 8 was the fourth time in six innings he has been caught between wicketkeeper and point this summer, and took his tally to a grim 56 runs at 9.33 from six innings.

Only sympathy for symphonies past or a minor miracle in the second innings will send him to Sydney.

Thankfully for Australian cricket, Johnson chose the right direction at a critical moment in his life. Sick of the stress fractures and stripped of his Queensland contract in 2003, he returned to Townsville to figure out his priorities. His father urged him to have one more crack at cricket and he did, determined to do it on his own. He got a job driving a plumbing van in the mornings, used the afternoons to get fit and played for his club side, Norths, at the weekends.

As far as cricket is concerned, Hayden has not passed his sell-by date - but the slide has begun. By and large, batsmen are at their peaks between 27 and 34, as shrewd brain and sharp eyes work in harmony. And it goes further. Once a sportsman reaches 35 or so, he starts to wonder about his way of life, starts to think about home and hearth. Having experienced domestic bliss in small doses, he is inclined to think well of it. And so the mind loses its intensity and the player becomes a self-caricature. About a fortnight into retirement, of course, the player wearies of golf, fishing and washing up and applies for a job with Channel 9.

For England to beat Australia, Flintoff has to stay fit, he is the iconic figure, and Harmison needs lots of bowling between now and the Ashes so he can bowl straight and on a length. He has the ammunition but needs plenty of overs so he can train it in the right direction.

It is not yet a calendar year since the Australians defeated India in Sydney to emulate the achievement of Steve Waugh's team in winning 16 consecutive Test matches. Since then it has lost four, drawn three and won two of nine Test matches ... The speed of the decline has been startling and the pressure on captain Ricky Ponting and his senior counsel at the MCG will be as intense as anything they have experienced in long and distinguished careers.

I am cast down for several reasons. The first is that it was, well, South Africa they lost to. With Australia v South Africa, who the hell are you supposed to cheer for? “Come on, Satan!” Or do you say: “No, no, sock it to 'em, Beelzebub?”

Let us simply note the result and nod. Let us refrain from sending off gloating texts and e-mails to the southern hemisphere. Let us remember that every talent Australia possess will be doubled when they are in England. So hear this, Australia: we are not gloating, all right? Just noting.

How sad it is, after such an entertaining six weeks here, that India should have treated this final match with such contempt.