The Surfer

"I am a pretty big fan of fruit but not past the old head," Lee said. "You don't really appreciate 10 or so pieces of fruit being thrown at your head.

It is interesting to see how various authors deal with what many thought the defining moment of the Ashes series — the thrilling finish to the second Test, at Edgbaston, that Australia lost by two runs.

If you were to compile a list of adjectives to describe Lahore the word romantic would not be among them, and if you spot anyone having a candlelit dinner for two, the chances are that they're not so much holding hands as sitting through a power cut.

You have to say that if cricketers around the world are justifiably pointing to the ICC's determination to cram quarts into pint pots, then the umpires have even more reason to grumble at the increasingly cluttered calendar. There are only seven of them on the elite panel, and while Billy Bowden - who flew straight from Pakistan v England in Multan to Australia v West Indies in Adelaide - probably didn't have to be dragged kicking and screaming to the airport, it would be a miracle if today's Test umpires didn't occasionally succumb to battle fatigue.

He needs to grow up. I needed to give him brotherly advice because I thought some of the decisions he was making needed guidance. Unfortunately there was an exchange of words. Contrary to what some people think, he's an arrogant boy. Money and fame have gone to his head and he has failed to manage it.

Gilchrist has not been batting or keeping as well in recent Tests. His failures have been a reminder of how much the team had depended on him ... Here was a cricketer in need of a spell in the paddock.

You don't have to be in Pakistan all that long before the sardonic dressing room humour ("right lads, what's it to be tonight? A trip to the theatre or back to the nightclub?") begins to pall. Hallucinations are not uncommon, alternating between a log fire, a bacon sandwich, and a pint of Theakston's Old Peculier.

The oil on canvas work by Albert Chevallier Tayler, which depicts Kent’s title-winning side fielding during their Canterbury Week match with Lancashire, looks set to change hands 100 years after it was commissioned by the club.

1: Lull them into a false sense of security. This shouldn't be overly difficult, given New Zealand's 5-zip loss to Ricky Ponting's men last summer, and their 4-0 drubbing at the hands of South Africa last month. Add the absence of skipper Stephen Fleming, the total loss of form from some of the top-order batsmen, and news of the team psychologist being called in already, and it looks like New Zealand have them exactly where they want them.

The resting of Glenn McGrath for the Chappell-Hadlee series smacks of arrogance once again and just might be the opening the Black Caps need.

You see the way Gilly throws the ball in the air. He tends to play on his walking, his honesty, but he still tries to burgle anyone and everyone.