"[There is] only one thing more to be said, with apologies to Norwegian football commentator Bjorn Minge: Lord Learie Constantine! Sir Garry Sobers! Sir Vivian Richards! Bob Marley! The Jamaican Olympic bobsleigh team! Sir Trevor McDonald - can you hear me, Sir Trevor McDonald? Your boys took one hell of a beating!"

Peter Hayter, in the Mail on Sunday, adapts a famous outburst from when Norway beat England at football