KP goes to The Oval

Ah, Surrey. A new county; a new opportunity. New team-mates, new challenges and a friendly club where I can make myself a new home. Hey, there's Chris Tremlett. I'll go and say hello.

"I am so much better than this club. I really shouldn't have to be here."

Damn, I thought the things I should have been saying and said the things I should have been keeping to myself. Must try and make up for that quickly. Must build relationships.

"I am so much better than you, Chris Tremlett."

Damn, I did it again. Got to haul it back.

"Did I ever mention that you were one of my best mates ever, Chris Tremlett. You don't mind me calling you Chris Tremlett, do you? I just like to use affectionate little names for my best mates."

That seems to have worked. Pretty sure Chris Tremlett's making a happy face now. Pretty sure he's going off to tell all his other friends how great I am. This is easy. Ooh, there's Mark Ramprakash. Maybe I can bond with him about getting dropped by England.

"I can't believe England dropped me. It's an absolute joke. Even though you were correctly dropped for being rubbish, you must still be able to empathise with me and my plight. Maybe we could be friends. How about it, Mark Ramprakash?"

That's weird. Where's he going? I heard that he was a bit of a funny one. Guess I'll stay out of his way. Maybe I'll go and make friends with Chris Adams instead being as he's the new boss.

"Hey, Chris Adams. Mate, you should have tried to get hold of me years ago. You're a great coach, but when you first played for England in South Africa you were rubbish. When I first played for England over there, I was amazing. That probably makes me a better coach as well. I could have been giving these Surrey youngsters all sorts of hints and tips if you'd got me here sooner."

Bloody hell. That's a weird look he's giving me.

"Mate, I didn't mean you were a bad coach. I was just saying that I'm slightly better. What's the matter with you, Chris Adams? Why are you still making that face?"

Not sure what's happened here, but I can probably laugh it off.

"Ha ha ha... ha ha ha..."

Have I done enough? Maybe one more.

"Ha ha ha..."

God, some people just don't have a sense of humour. I wonder why I'm here at Surrey. I'm not sure this is really the county for me. I should be playing on the big stage.

"I'm not sure this is really the county for me. I should be playing on the big stage."

Damn. I did it again. Well, maybe if they'd shown me the love that I deserve, things might have turned out a bit better here.