Bullish Hair, buffoon Buchanan, and Trueman's encore
Jamie Alter looks back at the week that was September 25 to October 1, 2006
Jamie Alter
02-Oct-2006
 |
|
The Break-up
The controversial Oval Test row that threatened to split the cricketing world into East v West for good was resolved, depending on how you saw it, after Inzamam-ul-Haq and the Pakistan team were cleared of ball tampering charges. Inzamam was, however, handed a four-ODI ban for bringing the game into disrepute over his side's refusal to continue to play against England, which many saw as light punishment.
The controversial Oval Test row that threatened to split the cricketing world into East v West for good was resolved, depending on how you saw it, after Inzamam-ul-Haq and the Pakistan team were cleared of ball tampering charges. Inzamam was, however, handed a four-ODI ban for bringing the game into disrepute over his side's refusal to continue to play against England, which many saw as light punishment.
For Darrell Hair, widely seen as the villain of the piece, the future does not look too bright, despite his bullish comments that he is still "bloody good" and Inzamam's public forgiveness. Where fellow Australians - both player and umpire - defended Hair, Geoff Boycott and Imran Khan blasted and derided. While Inzamam returned to a slew of pacified supporters at Lahore's Allama Iqbal International airport, Hair confronted a global media inquisition for close to 45 minutes and did his best to appear cool, calm and collected. Rest assured, we haven't heard the last of either on this matter.
Beach bums
The terrible twosome are back. In swim trunks. Dennis Lillee and Jeff Thomson, those two Australian titans, will take to the beach for a series of six-a-side matches against England and West Indies this summer. It's been three decades since they unleashed fire on England's batsmen in the 1974-75 Ashes, and you can expect some sand to fly this time around. Sponsored by Fourex Gold beer and televised by Network Ten, the matches will be played in temporary beach stadiums equipped with specially developed plastic matting with a beach cricket ball loaded on one side so it is guaranteed to swing. Allan Border, who will captain the Australian side, dispelled any doubts over Thomson being rusty at the age of 56: "He never did a stretch in his life and he used to be able to put his right leg up behind his head, so he can probably still do it". Done with the Ashes, now to the dust.
The terrible twosome are back. In swim trunks. Dennis Lillee and Jeff Thomson, those two Australian titans, will take to the beach for a series of six-a-side matches against England and West Indies this summer. It's been three decades since they unleashed fire on England's batsmen in the 1974-75 Ashes, and you can expect some sand to fly this time around. Sponsored by Fourex Gold beer and televised by Network Ten, the matches will be played in temporary beach stadiums equipped with specially developed plastic matting with a beach cricket ball loaded on one side so it is guaranteed to swing. Allan Border, who will captain the Australian side, dispelled any doubts over Thomson being rusty at the age of 56: "He never did a stretch in his life and he used to be able to put his right leg up behind his head, so he can probably still do it". Done with the Ashes, now to the dust.
Gentle and fearless?
Clive Lloyd and Michael Holding have been at odds for the past few weeks ever since Holding quit the West Indies cricket committee . Their row, however, shows no signs of letting up based on Lloyd's statement that he saw "nothing to be gained by continuing this matter". Holding, for his part, told Cricinfo that his resignation had nothing to do with the cancellation of the Stanford Super Star match, as has been implied. The clincher, though, was his view that Lloyd continued to suffer from "memory lapses" and that he should be "man enough" to admit his error and then talk about moving on. Bowled like the way he would have in his prime.
Clive Lloyd and Michael Holding have been at odds for the past few weeks ever since Holding quit the West Indies cricket committee . Their row, however, shows no signs of letting up based on Lloyd's statement that he saw "nothing to be gained by continuing this matter". Holding, for his part, told Cricinfo that his resignation had nothing to do with the cancellation of the Stanford Super Star match, as has been implied. The clincher, though, was his view that Lloyd continued to suffer from "memory lapses" and that he should be "man enough" to admit his error and then talk about moving on. Bowled like the way he would have in his prime.
|
|
|
Thank you, folks, you've been a great crowd
Full marks for making you chuckle. Close on the heels of Shane Warne's redefining of the word "coach", Greg Ritchie, the beefy Australian batsman of the '80s, termed the Ricky Ponting-John Buchanan combo as cricket's version of "Abbott and Costello". Speaking at a dinner in Adelaide on Wednesday, Ritchie opened the evening - and threatened indigestion in the crowd - by slapping Ponting's captaincy during the epic 434-run match: "It was an effort that you wouldn't expect from the Sturt under-14 captain". Ooh. Next, he hammered Ponting's heavily criticised decision to bowl first in the second Ashes Test at Edgbaston last year: "What were they doing playing rugby league before the match?" Aah. But saving the best for last, Ritchie then called Buchanan "a buffoon" in light of Glenn McGrath's injury before the same match, adding: "What Buchanan knows about coaching you could write on the back of a dinner plate." Ouch.
Full marks for making you chuckle. Close on the heels of Shane Warne's redefining of the word "coach", Greg Ritchie, the beefy Australian batsman of the '80s, termed the Ricky Ponting-John Buchanan combo as cricket's version of "Abbott and Costello". Speaking at a dinner in Adelaide on Wednesday, Ritchie opened the evening - and threatened indigestion in the crowd - by slapping Ponting's captaincy during the epic 434-run match: "It was an effort that you wouldn't expect from the Sturt under-14 captain". Ooh. Next, he hammered Ponting's heavily criticised decision to bowl first in the second Ashes Test at Edgbaston last year: "What were they doing playing rugby league before the match?" Aah. But saving the best for last, Ritchie then called Buchanan "a buffoon" in light of Glenn McGrath's injury before the same match, adding: "What Buchanan knows about coaching you could write on the back of a dinner plate." Ouch.
Masala cricket?
Sunil Gavaskar, Sandeep Patil, Kapil Dev, Ajay Jadeja and Vinod Kambli did it. Mohsin Khan left Pakistan to pursue a career in it. And Andre Nel's taken the first step by featuring in a totally filmi commercial airing all over India ahead of the Champions Trophy. But will Graeme Smith become the first South African to try his hand at Indian cinema? The cast and the crew of director Anubhav Sinha's Cash were in for a treat when Smith visited the sets in Cape Town and showed keen interest in the proceedings. Smith had already announced his fascination for Bollywood's in-your-face entertainment last week, but was this a little more than just a reconnaissance mission? The website newindpress.com reported a source with access to the film unit as saying: "Smith was excited about meeting the stars. He knows all about Bollywood because Indian films are very popular in South Africa. But he was very curious to know about the process of filmmaking in Bollywood. The stars and [director] Anubhav Sinha satisfied his curiosity." Lead actors Riteish Deshmukh and Zayed Khan, who happen to be pretty serious cricket fans, even joined Smith and members of the crew in a little game of cricket afterwards. Keep your eyes and ears open for Sinha's next venture.
Sunil Gavaskar, Sandeep Patil, Kapil Dev, Ajay Jadeja and Vinod Kambli did it. Mohsin Khan left Pakistan to pursue a career in it. And Andre Nel's taken the first step by featuring in a totally filmi commercial airing all over India ahead of the Champions Trophy. But will Graeme Smith become the first South African to try his hand at Indian cinema? The cast and the crew of director Anubhav Sinha's Cash were in for a treat when Smith visited the sets in Cape Town and showed keen interest in the proceedings. Smith had already announced his fascination for Bollywood's in-your-face entertainment last week, but was this a little more than just a reconnaissance mission? The website newindpress.com reported a source with access to the film unit as saying: "Smith was excited about meeting the stars. He knows all about Bollywood because Indian films are very popular in South Africa. But he was very curious to know about the process of filmmaking in Bollywood. The stars and [director] Anubhav Sinha satisfied his curiosity." Lead actors Riteish Deshmukh and Zayed Khan, who happen to be pretty serious cricket fans, even joined Smith and members of the crew in a little game of cricket afterwards. Keep your eyes and ears open for Sinha's next venture.
Billy ain't a Kid no more
What would Paris Hilton have done in this situation? On Saturday, a Southport court was told that Craig McDermott, the former Australian Test bowler now a millionaire Gold Coast property developer, was forced to hand over more than AUS$50,000 to stop home movies of him having sex with his wife being released on the internet. Peter Josef Vigan, a Gold Coast boat detailer, was charged with eight counts of demanding property, benefit or services with threats that he would expose tapes of McDermott and his third and present wife Ann-Maree "engaging in intimate activities". Police alleged that after receiving $25,000 from McDermott, Vigan sent a text message back to him boasting that he had received enough money to go on an overseas holiday and had given the outstanding video tape to a friend. A month later, McDermott handed over $5000 at a liquor barn in return for what he thought was the remaining tape. Alas, it turned out to be footage of an unidentified man - believed to be Vigan - unwrapping Christmas presents with his wife and children.
What would Paris Hilton have done in this situation? On Saturday, a Southport court was told that Craig McDermott, the former Australian Test bowler now a millionaire Gold Coast property developer, was forced to hand over more than AUS$50,000 to stop home movies of him having sex with his wife being released on the internet. Peter Josef Vigan, a Gold Coast boat detailer, was charged with eight counts of demanding property, benefit or services with threats that he would expose tapes of McDermott and his third and present wife Ann-Maree "engaging in intimate activities". Police alleged that after receiving $25,000 from McDermott, Vigan sent a text message back to him boasting that he had received enough money to go on an overseas holiday and had given the outstanding video tape to a friend. A month later, McDermott handed over $5000 at a liquor barn in return for what he thought was the remaining tape. Alas, it turned out to be footage of an unidentified man - believed to be Vigan - unwrapping Christmas presents with his wife and children.
Trueman still doesn't know what's going off out there
Rob Sproston Sports - "Suppliers of After Dinner Speakers, Celebrities, Comedians, Sports Personalities, Entertainers" - based out of Nantwich, in Cheshire, recently put out a list of cricket personalities they can get for your next big occasion. For between £400 pounds and £1000 one can listen to a host of current and former cricketers including Angus Fraser, Neil Fairbrother, Robin Smith, Shaun Udal, Ronnie Irani. But for those willing to cough up anything upwards of £1000, good old RSS here can get you the illustrious elocution of Dickie Bird, David Gower, Barry Richards, Nasser Hussain, Mike Atherton, Brian Lara and pretty much the entire Sky news team. But hold on, they will even go as far as to resurrect Fred Trueman - yep, you heard it, he's on the list - to narrate the finer aspects of fast bowling and the best way to raconteur on air. Now wouldn't nice "Fiery Fred" give a nice after-dinner speech at the company's next schmoozy corporate do? Surely they must charge a bomb for all that news from the hereafter!
Rob Sproston Sports - "Suppliers of After Dinner Speakers, Celebrities, Comedians, Sports Personalities, Entertainers" - based out of Nantwich, in Cheshire, recently put out a list of cricket personalities they can get for your next big occasion. For between £400 pounds and £1000 one can listen to a host of current and former cricketers including Angus Fraser, Neil Fairbrother, Robin Smith, Shaun Udal, Ronnie Irani. But for those willing to cough up anything upwards of £1000, good old RSS here can get you the illustrious elocution of Dickie Bird, David Gower, Barry Richards, Nasser Hussain, Mike Atherton, Brian Lara and pretty much the entire Sky news team. But hold on, they will even go as far as to resurrect Fred Trueman - yep, you heard it, he's on the list - to narrate the finer aspects of fast bowling and the best way to raconteur on air. Now wouldn't nice "Fiery Fred" give a nice after-dinner speech at the company's next schmoozy corporate do? Surely they must charge a bomb for all that news from the hereafter!
|
|
|
Did I say that?
Less than two months after he was sacked for making that infamous on-air "terrorist" remark , Dean Jones clarified that it wasn't actually Hashim Amla it was directed at. It was...drum roll...Nicky Boje. "In the long run, I wasn't even really referring to him [Amla]," Jones said. "What was my comment? And who got the wicket? Amla got the catch, Nicky Boje was the bowler. Just listen to the comment. The terrorist got a wicket. Who got the wicket? I'll leave it up to you to work out who I was referring to." Right. How could we have all missed that? Sorry, Hashim. No hard feelings, eh? And heads up: according to Jones, he's back in demand in the commentary box.
Less than two months after he was sacked for making that infamous on-air "terrorist" remark , Dean Jones clarified that it wasn't actually Hashim Amla it was directed at. It was...drum roll...Nicky Boje. "In the long run, I wasn't even really referring to him [Amla]," Jones said. "What was my comment? And who got the wicket? Amla got the catch, Nicky Boje was the bowler. Just listen to the comment. The terrorist got a wicket. Who got the wicket? I'll leave it up to you to work out who I was referring to." Right. How could we have all missed that? Sorry, Hashim. No hard feelings, eh? And heads up: according to Jones, he's back in demand in the commentary box.
It's a fan's world after all
The Aussies have been at it all week. Now it's the turn of Prime Minister John Howard to hit back at comments about his being a philistine by opposition lawmaker and former Midnight Oil lead singer Peter Garrett. Garrett, in a speech to Melbourne's Monash University on Thursday, described Howard as a "cricket tragic" - a fan passionate for cricket but bereft of sporting ability - who associated himself with sporting success while film, dance and theater struggled for funding. Come Friday, and Howard hit back with figures that showed his government would spend US$487 million on the arts this year, compared with US$187 million on sport. And then comes the anti-climax - he revealed that he would be going to watch the New Year's Test between Australia and England that begins on January 2 in his hometown of Sydney, rather than spending a night at the opera. Howzzat?
The Aussies have been at it all week. Now it's the turn of Prime Minister John Howard to hit back at comments about his being a philistine by opposition lawmaker and former Midnight Oil lead singer Peter Garrett. Garrett, in a speech to Melbourne's Monash University on Thursday, described Howard as a "cricket tragic" - a fan passionate for cricket but bereft of sporting ability - who associated himself with sporting success while film, dance and theater struggled for funding. Come Friday, and Howard hit back with figures that showed his government would spend US$487 million on the arts this year, compared with US$187 million on sport. And then comes the anti-climax - he revealed that he would be going to watch the New Year's Test between Australia and England that begins on January 2 in his hometown of Sydney, rather than spending a night at the opera. Howzzat?
Quotehanger
"When it comes to bowling and its nuances, neither [Greg] Chappell nor his devoted assistant has a clue. Nothing reflects this more than the fact that over ten fast bowlers have been "experimented" with in the last year. And still the team does not seem to be in any position to name our best three bowlers." A rather chuffed Javagal Srinath nips one in from outside off stump.
"When it comes to bowling and its nuances, neither [Greg] Chappell nor his devoted assistant has a clue. Nothing reflects this more than the fact that over ten fast bowlers have been "experimented" with in the last year. And still the team does not seem to be in any position to name our best three bowlers." A rather chuffed Javagal Srinath nips one in from outside off stump.
Click here to have a look at the Shots of the Week.
Jamie Alter is editorial assistant of Cricinfo