Sri Lanka's multi-captain strategy all the rage

Sri Lanka's multi-captaincy policy all the rage
Sri Lanka's championship-winning policy of confusing the opposition with a preponderance of captains is all set to be the new rage in T20 strategy.

"It makes complete sense in hindsight," said one commentator. "Okay, there may be times when no one in the team is quite sure who is calling the shots on the field, but guess what? Neither does the opposition, and that's a good thing. It's genius."

Teams have already started implementing changes based on the Sri Lankan model, with India set to assign two extra captains in addition to MS Dhoni - Virat Kohli as trophy-posing captain for photo shoots, and Yuvraj Singh as the captain who, like Dinesh Chandimal, inexplicably "opts out" of playing matches altogether. For good, most likely.

Many experts are of the opinion that India can only stand to benefit by such an arrangement.

Hey, at least we didn't choke this time: Allan Donald on his recent success in helping South Africa turn a new leaf (commentary)
Well, what a feeling. It's hard to put into words the sense of accomplishment and relief that comes with being secure in the knowledge of a job well done. Specifically, just being alive to the fact that you were an integral part of a South African set-up that concluded its participation in a World Cup without having to face up to allegations that we "choked".

Not this time, we didn't. Not on my watch. For starters, don't you need a tight enough match to be able to come anywhere close to choking? We would have had to come close enough to winning first to be able to then snatch, with practised hands, defeat from the jaws of ever-elusive victory.

Thankfully, we did no such thing this time. Unlike South African teams of the past (many of which I was a part of, and experiences of which have shaped me into becoming the shadow of a man I am today, which have driven me towards my mission of making sure no South African team ever repeats the same mistakes we made as long as I am around) we were prepared for just such an eventuality.

Our players were instructed in no uncertain terms that they had to win the match and enter what would have been our first-ever final in a World Cup. But they were also told that in the event a win wasn't possible, they needed to lose by a margin mammoth enough that no one in their right minds could accuse us of having choked again.

Don't let my increasingly sour expression as the match wore on fool you. I just had something caught in my throat at the time that was bothering me. No, I'm proud of my boys for losing the way they did. We stuck to a plan and it paid off.

No chokers tag for us, please. We're just plain losers now.

Legspinning revival reaches climax in semis
Well, the so-called legspin revival in the T20 World Cup reached its glorious climax in the semi-finals, didn't it? While the leggies displayed admirable skill and control right through the tournament, which saw them take bundles of wickets while maintaining healthy economy rates, it wasn't until the semis that they chose to unfurl the fullest expression of their repertoire. Purists and hardcore fans of the art were treated to aspects of the craft that had, up until then, been conspicuously absent from the tournament: Imran Tahir slipped in a couple of six-hit full tosses the way only a seasoned legspinner with the utmost control over his craft can be expected to do, and Amit Mishra jogged up to the crease against South Africa and overstepped the line in the fashion that regularly made him one of the IPL's most expensive bowlers.

"To say legspin bowling is on the way back is inaccurate. It never went anywhere to begin with, you know?" said Shane Warne, even as he hurried from the stadium when word got out that he had spent time with Tahir in the nets prior to the match.

Dhawan moustache found to be straightening
After what has otherwise been a rather upstanding year, Shikhar Dhawan's moustache has been found to be straightening more than the acceptable degree, according to reports. A study by biomechanical experts has revealed that despite constant grooming, the points of the moustache have been drooping ever so slightly since the opener was dropped from the T20 World Cup playing XI due to poor form. The law clearly stipulates that modern Indian cricketers' moustaches must not extend away from being anything other than a pretentious caricature of virility.

The BCCI has wasted no time in prescribing a remedial program for Dhawan, which involves going back to domestic cricket so that he may have the chance to brush up on the basics of the game and start from stubble again.

Gayle to communicate solely via medium of the Gangnam dance
Chris Gayle has revealed that he will with immediate effect only communicate via the medium of the Gangnam dance.

Gayle said he had made the decision in the middle of his "aggressive" Gangnam dance while celebrating West Indies' win against Australia, upon realising two things: that expressing yourself through dance is infinitely more preferable to verbal communication, and that really, if you put your mind to it, there is a Gangnam dance to suit every mood and occasion.

Members of the press have been informed that henceforth, in response to questions, Gayle will perform two Gangnam "horse trots" for a yes, and one for a no. Members of the opposite sex, meanwhile, have been advised that Gayle will use a series of multiple horse trots to communicate his intentions to them, as well as an elaborate system of sign language involving the use of an invisible lasso "if necessary".