Sree, Lily, Jesse and Bondy
Our look back at the highlights of the month gone by is packed full of stars, innit
S Aga
02-Dec-2009
Jesse Ryder: the contents of the stomach of one of his friends mysteriously made their way to the wall of a neighbour's house • Getty Images
The Apposite First Name of the Month
Pillage and murder anyone? Loots Bosman waded into England's bowlers like Jughead Jones into a plate of burgers, emerging with 94 runs off 45 balls in the second Twenty20. (At the other end, Graeme Smith crawled shamefully along to 88 in 44.)
Pillage and murder anyone? Loots Bosman waded into England's bowlers like Jughead Jones into a plate of burgers, emerging with 94 runs off 45 balls in the second Twenty20. (At the other end, Graeme Smith crawled shamefully along to 88 in 44.)
The Delinquent of the Month
Those mourning the Andrew Symonds-shaped hole at the heart of international cricket were cheered no end by the manner in which Jesse Ryder threw himself once more into the breach in November. First, he advised New Zealand team manager Dave Currie to "**** off, you old ****" (thus providing wordgame aficionados hours of entertainment as they strove to fill in the blanks) when Currie attempted to calm him down after he smashed a chair in the dressing room. A couple of days later Ryder was in the papers again, when his neighbours complained his parties were getting a little too raucous and his friends were vomiting and urinating on their premises. "… the wind blew the stomach contents of a friend of Mr Ryder's all down the side of our property," said the neigbour involved, in what is surely one of the more immortal quotes involving a cricketer in recent times.
Those mourning the Andrew Symonds-shaped hole at the heart of international cricket were cheered no end by the manner in which Jesse Ryder threw himself once more into the breach in November. First, he advised New Zealand team manager Dave Currie to "**** off, you old ****" (thus providing wordgame aficionados hours of entertainment as they strove to fill in the blanks) when Currie attempted to calm him down after he smashed a chair in the dressing room. A couple of days later Ryder was in the papers again, when his neighbours complained his parties were getting a little too raucous and his friends were vomiting and urinating on their premises. "… the wind blew the stomach contents of a friend of Mr Ryder's all down the side of our property," said the neigbour involved, in what is surely one of the more immortal quotes involving a cricketer in recent times.
The Emperor Sans Clothes of the Month
Ajantha Mendis: 2 for 162 off 38 overs in Kanpur. What a difference a year makes.
Ajantha Mendis: 2 for 162 off 38 overs in Kanpur. What a difference a year makes.
The Diabetes Advisory of the Month
Tendulkar's 20th drew saturation coverage in India (full disclosure: including on Cricinfo) and featured enough cloying tributes by everyone from Amitabh Bachchan and Lata Mangeshkar on down to give you a sugar rush just from being in the same postcode as a news-stand.
Tendulkar's 20th drew saturation coverage in India (full disclosure: including on Cricinfo) and featured enough cloying tributes by everyone from Amitabh Bachchan and Lata Mangeshkar on down to give you a sugar rush just from being in the same postcode as a news-stand.
The Irony of the Month
On an Australia tour of India where the body count was so high for the visitors that, they were metaphorically fighting the hosts off with one hand while shovelling their intestines back into their abdomens with the other, the last man standing was formerly perma-fragile Shane Watson who managed to finish as the leading wicket-taker and among the top three run-scorers for his side.
On an Australia tour of India where the body count was so high for the visitors that, they were metaphorically fighting the hosts off with one hand while shovelling their intestines back into their abdomens with the other, the last man standing was formerly perma-fragile Shane Watson who managed to finish as the leading wicket-taker and among the top three run-scorers for his side.
The Cricket-Pop Crossover of the Month
Lily Allen was given honorary membership of Lancashire last month, in acknowledgement of her work in promoting cricket. Miss Allen is, perversely, a fan of Test cricket, despite being a spokesperson for the "younger generation", and she proved it by turning up on Test Match Special during the Ashes, where she proposed that the Ashes be played over seven or nine matches, and that the England players ought to have caps made of vintage denim.
Lily Allen was given honorary membership of Lancashire last month, in acknowledgement of her work in promoting cricket. Miss Allen is, perversely, a fan of Test cricket, despite being a spokesperson for the "younger generation", and she proved it by turning up on Test Match Special during the Ashes, where she proposed that the Ashes be played over seven or nine matches, and that the England players ought to have caps made of vintage denim.
The Confident Youngster of the Month
What do you call a man with an average of 77 and seven hundreds in his last 13 Tests? Sir. So Gautam Gambhir is going to miss the third Test against Sri Lanka to attend his sister's wedding. What are you going to do about it, Mr Selector?
What do you call a man with an average of 77 and seven hundreds in his last 13 Tests? Sir. So Gautam Gambhir is going to miss the third Test against Sri Lanka to attend his sister's wedding. What are you going to do about it, Mr Selector?
The Gory Detail of the Month
Was provided by Iain O'Brien, New Zealand workhorse bowler cum blogger extraordinaire, who revealed in gooseflesh-inducing detail, the secrets of how to relieve the pressure caused by a build-up of blood in the foot. Parental advisory: includes the words "I drilled my toenail".
Was provided by Iain O'Brien, New Zealand workhorse bowler cum blogger extraordinaire, who revealed in gooseflesh-inducing detail, the secrets of how to relieve the pressure caused by a build-up of blood in the foot. Parental advisory: includes the words "I drilled my toenail".
The Reunion of the Month
It brought a tear to the most jaundiced eye, it did: turbulent twerp Sreesanth burying his face in good friend Harbhajan Singh's bosom after taking a wicket in the first innings in Kanpur. Quite the lean, mean package the reformed Sree is: no jangling neckwear, no God-fearing pre-ball routine, and six wickets to show for it. Will someone hurry up and give Ishant Sharma a clip across the ear as well?
It brought a tear to the most jaundiced eye, it did: turbulent twerp Sreesanth burying his face in good friend Harbhajan Singh's bosom after taking a wicket in the first innings in Kanpur. Quite the lean, mean package the reformed Sree is: no jangling neckwear, no God-fearing pre-ball routine, and six wickets to show for it. Will someone hurry up and give Ishant Sharma a clip across the ear as well?
The Comebacks of the Month (non-Sreesanth Category)
The latest of Shane Bond's blink-and-you'll-miss-it quasi-annual returns to top-level cricket happened to coincide with Mohammad Asif's. To celebrate, the pair took eight wickets apiece in Dunedin.
The latest of Shane Bond's blink-and-you'll-miss-it quasi-annual returns to top-level cricket happened to coincide with Mohammad Asif's. To celebrate, the pair took eight wickets apiece in Dunedin.
The Statistical Juxtaposition of the Month
Number of Test matches India have won in their history: 100. Number of Test matches Ricky Ponting has won in his career: 91.
Number of Test matches India have won in their history: 100. Number of Test matches Ricky Ponting has won in his career: 91.
The Bruce Springsteen of the Month
"I have seen the future of cricket," Brian Lara did all but say eight years ago, when he hailed 11-year-old Adrian Barath as one to watch. Barath's hundred on international debut, in an away Test against Australia yet, says no one's going to be sniffing at Lara's talent-spotting credentials anytime soon.
"I have seen the future of cricket," Brian Lara did all but say eight years ago, when he hailed 11-year-old Adrian Barath as one to watch. Barath's hundred on international debut, in an away Test against Australia yet, says no one's going to be sniffing at Lara's talent-spotting credentials anytime soon.