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Big news: Jimmy Neesham's life is complete.
Bigger news: Shane Warne is unafraid to embarrass his daughter.
You rather suspect she's used to this kind of thing by now.
Even bigger news still: Kieron Pollard has diagnosed insomnia in the Almighty.
But Pollard's had his mind on more important matters than the nature and attire of God this week. I think we all know what he's talking about here.
He means your mouth, obviously. But we can also take a fair guess at the topic that was being discussed via those face holes.
Ravi Bopara knew, but seemed to be one of those who was ignorant of the facts. Cricket tragic that he is, he perceives everything in terms of runs.
Kemar Roach tried to explain.
This column has been following Roach quite closely in recent years and would venture that it's also at least slightly about money.
Roach then hits us with a chronologically challenging double negative.
That may or may not have been relevant to this issue. However, we do know how he kept himself busy in the absence of cricket.
What are you spending there, Kemar? Principle and respect? Kieron Pollard's tried handing over other qualities at the checkout.
What's the principle-to-pride exchange rate at the minute?
But let us leave this now, lest we end up pointing fingers.
In lighter news, here's Adam Hollioake's philosophy.
And is Nando's in or out this week?
Pretty sure that's a knowing use of "smashed" in reference to Nando's there.
Being as he owns a pair of fried chicken shops, it is hardly surprising that Bopara isn't a Nando's man. But he's not averse to other types of cuisine.
How did it go?
Finally, are cricketers still moaning about air travel?
That would be a yes. They rarely appreciate how lucky they are.
Tried and tested. It is a brand new plane on its maiden flight you need to worry about.
Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket