The week on Twitter July 4, 2013

'I'm convinced I have the most problematic life!'

Have some sympathy for cricketers, who have to worry about dinner, sponsors, defining coincidences and finding greater meaning in logograms

In this week's Twitter round-up, we answer all the most pressing questions. How do you know when you've eaten enough sushi? What did Ricky Ponting bring to the dressing room? What does an ampersand remind you of? And is Owais Shah numerate?

The observation
Jason Krejza has spotted something.

"Has anyone noticed that an ampersand looks like a guy bum dragging along the ground like dogs do? & #bumdrag"

Nice hash tag.

The business plan
Mitchell Marsh has had an idea.

"I wish I sold bandwagons."

Actually Mitch, one of the defining features of bandwagons is that a single one can accommodate many people. Just because there are a lot of people jumping on them doesn't mean that there's necessarily a huge market for such things.

The skill
Pat Cummins is a man of rare talent.

"I just fell asleep sitting upright at dinner. #jetlag"

The minimum
More dinner-time slowness is described by Ravi Bopara.

"Just been for dinner with Owais Shah & @robkey612 I suggested the Thai platter for 3 & Owais replies "no we can't coz it's minimum 2 people""

Clearly Owais doesn't see Ravi and Rob as people.

The tunes
Graeme Swann has temporarily renounced Nineties indie music.

"Sun out, system up, top down, Patto Banton blaring out. Living the dream."

Arguably, he had more credibility when he was listening to Shed Seven.

The defence
Murali Kartik needs to ward something off.

"Not a dessert person but Strawberry cheesecake...yummy tummy..a scoop a day keeps the tongue at bay"

What's the tongue doing? Is this a Brad Hogg reference?

The alarm call
MS Dhoni's an early riser.

"Good morning everyone.and yes the pattern up 15 mins before the alarm.enough time to get ready and go for breakfast"

If it was only enough time because you got up 15 minutes before the alarm, you should probably set it to go off earlier.

The retirement
What did Ricky Ponting bring to a dressing room? Let's ask his Tasmania team-mate, Tim Paine who has been dissecting the consequences of Ponting's retirement with other members of the side.

"Does this mean we have to start paying for vitamins and deodorant ? @FaulknerC25 @luke_buttsy @alexdoolan15 @Gobbler1986"

Small man. Big loss.

The coincidence
Darren Bravo wants to know the odds.

"Is this a coincidence? I was in pegasus hotel jam in 09 wen the king of pop passed back here again after four yrs on d same day."

It's not a coincidence. It's just going back to the same place after a certain amount of time. Furthermore, the time of year is presumably largely dictated by the fixture list.

The everyday experience
Tim Bresnan risked IKEA.

"Managed to escape from IKEA, thanks for all the tips. The trail of Swedish Meatballs worked perfectly. Didn't get 1 thing we wanted."

But what did you get that you didn't want?

Life with Kemar Roach
The excitement NEVER STOPS.

"Early Morning Chores!"

"It's A Pretty Hot Day!"

"Ok Kemar, Get Out Of Bed!!!"

"What To Do Today?"

"Time For Some Food!"

"Im Comvinced I Have The Most Problematic Life!"

You really don't.

What's your philosophy?
You'd think we'd have a decent handle on Shaun Pollock's philosophy by now, but he's never short of something to add.

"In our World we tend to judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions ."

We're judging you by your tweets, Shaun.

Nando's Watch
Vernon Philander was feeling adventurous and asked for restaurant suggestions.

"Thanks for all the options but think I'll do with a #nandos tonight but will certainly check out some of your options over time. #thank"

No you won't.

YO! Sushi Watch
Andrew Flintoff is no longer a cricketer. He dines elsewhere.

"Always been troubled by knowing how many plates are acceptable to eat @YoSushi before you are deemed greedy , trying to avoid embarrassment"

Fortunately, he has a system.

"I work on , when sat on my stool when the top plate reaches my 2nd chin it's time to pay @YOSushi !"

Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket