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Stuart and Ash

Sunil Gavaskar 36 not out

Our commentary team sits through a World Cup classic, but they won't stand for it

Alex Bowden

Comments: 18 | Text size: A | A
Sunil Gavaskar hits out, England v India, Lord's, World Cup, June 7, 1975
Gavaskar hits out during his 36 at Lord's in 1975 (yes, really) © Getty Images
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Stuart: Gavaskar props forward. No run. The required run rate is now stratospheric. We're just going through the motions here.

Ash: There's not a great deal of motion from Gavaskar's end.

Stuart: You're not happy, are you, Ash?

Ash: I'm getting angry.

Stuart: It's hard to say what Gavaskar's thinking today. He seems to have been resigned to defeat since he first took guard. You wonder whether he'll make 50 if he bats out the entire 60 overs.

Ash: What's the slowest fifty in one-day cricket, Gordon? (Muffled speech)

Ash: He's going to beat that.

Stuart: Gavaskar leaves one outside off. No run. (Pause) Actually, Ash, I doubt he's going to make it to 50. The rate he's scoring, he'll be lucky to make 40 before the end of the innings.

Ash: You might be right there, Stu. Gordon, what will Gavaskar be on if he keeps scoring at this rate for the rest of the innings? (Muffled speech)

Ash: You're kidding. He's not even giving us that. He's batting too slowly to record the slowest fifty in one-day internationals. How can that be?

Stuart: Gavaskar waves that one through to the keeper. No run.

Ash: It's like he's stealing from us. I can almost feel it happening. It's like he's reaching inside me and extracting all the joy.

Stuart: That's an interesting view, Ash. What would you say he's doing with that joy?

Ash: I don't know. It's just evaporated. I guess he's heating it somehow and just letting it evaporate into the atmosphere.

Stuart: Well, hopefully it'll condense somewhere and you can recover it at a later date.

Ash: That's all well and good, Stu, but what am I meant to do now? How am I meant to get through the rest of today?

Stuart: Patel takes a single off the first ball of the over and the crowd sighs. Gavaskar back on strike.

Ash: Do you know who I blame?

Stuart: Well, I'd imagine you'd blame Sunil Gavaskar.

Ash: No, I don't. I'm watching him bat and I'm no longer sure what I'm seeing is real, so I can't blame him.

Stuart: It is faintly otherworldly, isn't it?

Ash: I blame Gordon.

Stuart: Gordon?

Ash: Yeah, Gordon. Look at him there, spectacles perched on the end of his nose, poring over those statistics like a vulture over a zebra carcass.

Stuart: Interesting description.

Ash: Feeding on horrific facts about slow-scoring and then disgorging morsels for us to pick at.

(Muffled speech)

Ash: No, you are like a vulture, Gordon. Don't deny it. And you know what? I hate your facts.

(Muffled speech)

Ash: No, I do. I truly hate them. Just like the putrid regurgitations of a vulture, they're rife with disease. Slowest this, slowest that. You're killing us, Gordon. You're killing us with miserable statistics that sap our will to live. I've half a mind to come over there, take those Wisdens and -

Stuart: Gavaskar drives!

Ash: What?

Stuart: Just kidding. Gavaskar again leaves one outside his off stump. No run.

RSS FeedAlex Bowden blogs at King Cricket.
All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?

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© ESPN Sports Media Ltd.

Comments: 18 
Posted by UAETigers on (January 25, 2012, 4:19 GMT)

Its scroing 36* not out and batting right through 60 overs...isn't it quite insane and hilarious :)!!!! Any batsmen when comes to the crease want and looks to score runs in each and every format and at any level of cricket.

Funny this is that if he had lost his interest he should have got himself out and left. Because many time when you want them to play they gets out :)!!!

No real reason for this kind of batting and more funny thing is when he comments on other batsmen for not being aggressive in ODIs and T20s.

Posted by johnathonjosephs on (January 25, 2012, 1:34 GMT)

Its not about the bad form he was in. Can you imagine a batsman in bad form staving off 174 balls and remaining unbeaten? He just said the pitch wasn't suited to go for lots of runs. Sad in a way because England had racked up 300+ runs in the first innings

Posted by Indian_Tiger on (January 24, 2012, 23:31 GMT)

@RogerC "he was the MoM in the very next match that India won" ?? ... you must be living in an alternate universe. First MoM he received was in 1982 (7 years later). As he said, he was struggling with his form (unclear with the rules is humorous but stupid, after all he is THE FIRST person to score 10,000 Test Runs)

Posted by gandipet on (January 24, 2012, 21:24 GMT)

@themumbaiindiansfan: Gavaskar should have walked. That way somebosy else could have attempted winning.

Posted by themumbaiindiansfan on (January 24, 2012, 20:14 GMT)

I don't understand what is this fuss about gavaskar's 36 not out....he, few years back, wrote a special article in major newspapers explaining what had happened that day...he nicked a delivery very early in the inning....keeper took the catch and made a half-hearted appeal...bowler didn't feel there was any nick...Gavaskar survived and unlike our modern day (mostly) dishonest non gentlemen cricketers, he lost the interest in the game...he just kept batting that day and made 36 not out in 60 overs :-)

by the way, nice funny commentary :-)

Posted by Deuce03 on (January 24, 2012, 17:59 GMT)

Not sure this one worked as well as the previous ones: they were extraordinary passages of play written off as ordinary by Stu and Ash. Here, Stu and Ash reflect pretty accurately what was happening, what Sunil's state of mind was, and what everyone was thinking while watching it. It was a World Cup classic, but for all the wrong reasons.

Posted by   on (January 24, 2012, 17:41 GMT)

Funnily at the time of this comment, 36 people had recommended this article. The same number of runs scored by Gavaskar that day.

Posted by   on (January 24, 2012, 16:04 GMT)

Good to see Stuart and Ash back. Been too long.

Posted by daadu15 on (January 24, 2012, 15:50 GMT)

ha hahah ... if sunny wud hav had the right attitude in his major part of his career, he wud have end up with 15 to 20 centuries and won many matches... sad

Posted by sumscorer on (January 24, 2012, 14:39 GMT)

Yep, its in our blood in India. And the funny part is now he is in the commentary box, yappin away.. lol

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