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Gayle and WICB struggle to adjust to life after conflict

Batsman and board's CEO find themselves at a loose end

R Rajkumar

Comments: 5 | Text size: A | A
Harbhajan Singh appeals unsuccessfully for Chris Gayle's wicket, Mumbai Indians v Royal Challengers Bangalore, Mumbai, IPL, May 9, 2012
A battle-starved Chris Gayle looks wistful when confronted by Harbhajan Singh's unnecessary aggro © AFP

Chris Gayle and the WICB are finding it a challenge getting used to life without the drawn-out, acrimonious conflict that gave their lives so much meaning over the past year or so, according to reports.

Rumour is that Gayle, finding himself suddenly plunged headfirst into an existential crisis, has even stopped referring to himself in the third person. Friends and family worry that this may be an indication of serious trauma.

"I'm feeling good today," Gayle tweeted. "In fact, I've never felt better and at such peace with the world. Wow, I hate myself."

Experts agree that the situation is serious and possibly life-threatening. "It's quite possible that Mr Gayle has lost all reason for living," said Dr Ernest Hilaire. "God knows I certainly have."

Hilaire, who is also CEO of the West Indies Cricket Board and widely recognised as Gayle's nemesis in the hilarious public fallout between the star batsman and his board, went on to speak at length about his own troubles coming to terms with the end of the affair.

"Oh, I'm pretty much dead on the inside now," said Hilaire with a strange forced laugh. "I realised it the other night, when I went out to dinner with Gibson and Hunte. We started with a few customary jokes at the expense of West Indies cricket, and for a while it really did seem like everything was normal. But pretty soon it became obvious we were only kidding ourselves into believing that there was nothing wrong, that our very reason for being hadn't just been violently ripped out by the roots.

"I can pretend all I like, but there's no getting around the fact that I suddenly miss the good old days of bickering with Gayle and waiting for the apology that never comes. And now it would appear that that man won't stop apologising. I keep getting texts saying 'So sorry, Hilaire, Lol' or 'Hilaire + Gayle BFF Sweet!!' or 'Brad + Angelina = Brangelina. Chris + Ernest = Chrnest?' Suffice to say, by the end of the evening people had to stop me from walking outside and into traffic."

Coach Ottis Gibson expressed sympathy for his boss. "You have to understand that no matter how bad Dr Hilaire had it on any given day, he could always rely on the fact that Gayle was out of the West Indies team for no good reason whatsoever. Keeping Gayle out of the maroon shirt was a power thing for him. Now what does the old fella have to keep himself going?"

Sources close to Hilaire have confirmed that not only has Gayle repeatedly apologised to him via text message but that he had also friended him on Facebook and sent him a homemade musical "You complete me" Jerry Maguire e-card.

When asked to explain his actions, Gayle said that he was only trying desperately to fill the gaping hole he started feeling inside since he opted out of his contract with Somerset.

"Yep, that's a bunch of money down the hole right there," said Gayle. "But it's okay now, though, right? Because I've made up with Hilaire and am going to play cricket for the West Indies again. Right? Anyone? Hello, this is not a rhetorical question. I really need to know. Oh, for the love of God, won't someone please tell me that I've made the right decision?" he cried before adopting the fetal position and sticking his thumb in his mouth.

At the time of writing, there was still no comment on the matter from Dinanath Ramnarine, the former president of the West Indies players' association and evergreen thorn in the side of the WICB. Ramnarine's whereabouts remain unknown, though rumour has it that he has moved to Spain, where he was last seen marking his run-up before a series of giant windmills.

R Rajkumar tweets here

All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?

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Comments: 5 
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Posted by Dummy4 on (May 12, 2012, 20:04 GMT)

Like the Quixote reference :)

Posted by Dummy4 on (May 12, 2012, 19:01 GMT)

Ha ha! R Rajkumar really lets it rip here! :)

Posted by Ali on (May 12, 2012, 18:44 GMT)

yes it is so odd...

after the WICB openly stated everything it needed from Gayle in order for him to be considered for selection ..

Gayle has done everything they asked for, and just when we though Gayle would play for the WI again ...

the WICB has a new request at the last minute ..

Hillare : "oh by the way chris, we also need you to drop out of the WIPA law suit against us. We should have mentioned that earlier ,,, our bad... you still can't play for us just yet .. " ...

I figure if he pulls out of the law suit, that the WICB will just find some other demand to keep him out the side .........

Posted by Cricinfouser on (May 12, 2012, 8:49 GMT)

After the patchup Hilaire gives up his CEO post(nobody to fight with) and Gayle gives up his form(nobody to prove his worth)

Posted by Dummy4 on (May 12, 2012, 8:01 GMT)

Hahaha.." Wow, I hate myself."...Thats hilarious.. Coming after the last one fantastic

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